37 weeks, Can you tell?

OH MY GOD. Look at my face!AHHH Can you tell the novelty has worn off? Can you tell that the pain in my legs is so excruciating that I have forced myself to smile at all? Can you see my 3 chins and extra cheeks? Can you tell that I simply need to sleep? ( I was awake last night from 3am-6am.. and HIP joined us in the family bed @ 6:30am ... which woke me up for good) Can you tell that my children are fighting more than usual and I am trying so hard to not flip out. Can you tell I am just about done?

I hope you are answering "yes" to each one of these questions.

T-minus 10

1. I had my appointment with Dr. Landy this afternoon. It was chock full of info that's for sure. here's a list of what was discussed:
2. I still have group B strep. Antibiotics will be administered during the delivery. Great... just what I need. ( If you're a woman reading this... you'll understand what antibiotics do to a girl)
3. The swelling in my legs isn't just my imagination... it's there and it's severe. Dr. Landy seemed concerend about it.
4. I am spilling TONS of proteins. If I start getting headaches or start seeing spots ~things could change quickly.
5. I am scheduled for both a c-section and an induction on February 9th @ 1:00. I have a measurement sonogram this Thursday. If Tiny weighs over 4,000 grams it's a c-section for me.
6. I am terrified to have a c-section

My dreams of nursing and holding a goop covered baby immediately after birth are pretty much out the door and I am devastated...devastated. Tiny will most likely have to go to the NICU for a few days" to monitor his/her bloodsugars. "There goes my early breastfeeding education. 9. I am exhausted and sad. That's the problem with dreaming. I have been so lucky... it was bound to end. 10) I know that the goal is for Tiny to be born happy and healthy. I need to get over the birth details, and see the good in the fact that I was able to do this at all. 11. I am a " little bit" dialated. I'm glad these ass kicking contractions I have every 20 minutes or so are doing their job. ( grr.) ( I am annoyed with Blogger right now because my numbering system got all messed up and Blogger won't let me fix it. If I had any energy, I'd work on it longer.. but I don't .. so for now pretend that the numbers are ins a straight line and you understand what I am talking about.)

Now I know

I has become abundantly clear to me why I am so tired all day: I don't sleep at night. I can't get comfortable. When I DO sleep... I am dreaming about having the baby... which is exhausting. When I wake up ,I am annoyed because I am still pregnant. Hmmm. I get jealous of Parker... over there sleeping away... paying no mind. ( I'm not saying he should pay any mind when he's sleeping... I'm just saying... he's asleep!) I wonder if my body is just getting ready for being nocturnal? I went to sleep @ 3am... and woke up at 7:30. I peed @ 4:30,5:10,6:35, & 7:30. Just getting back into bed is exhausing. My bladder sure is getting a workout.
Parker's Parent's came to our house for 6 hours yesterday. I don't usually count the hours of their visits... it's just that this time they showed up at 4pm.. and had to leave by 10. They live 3 hours away! We couldn't talk them into staying the night. The reason for thier visit was so they could watch the kids while Parker and I went out to a nice dinner. Parker and I went to Houston's. For the first time in 10 years of eating at Houston's, I ate the prime rib. I gotta tell ya, it was worth the hour wait... cause for a former veggie burger turned temporary carnivore~ the prime rib was darn tasty( if I didn't think about the fact that I was eating cow muscle.) I obviously couldn't finish the entire meal... but Parker did his best to try and help me. :) The dinner was nice.I think we finally decided on a boy's name. Which eases my mind a little. We had a long talk about circumcision and our differing feelings. I'm still a little worried about the circumcision debate. Parker read that 1 in 10 men who aren't circumcised end up getting circumcised as an adult. Our pediatrician said that he sees more children who aren't circumcised with urinary tract infections, and other skin infections that are painful and require antibiotics. Parker researched that men with foreskins are the only people who get cancer of the penis. Parker said : as a person who has a penis, he can't imagine having to get circumcised. Having it done as an infant is really the only humane thing he can think of. I listened to his reasons. I listened to our pediatrician. I respect the Judaism side of circumcision. I still have clear reservations. I also have respect for my husband and our pediatrician. IF we do decide to circumcise, I will be very sad. It's not the pain aspect of the procedure. ( remember my kids had 8 surgeries collectively...I watched my kids suffer so they could survive. I never got upset when they cried w/ vaccines... etc... I know that these things are neccessary, and that the pain subsides. I have been poked and prodded from the age of 2 with no complaints, and I know that these things not only helped me survive, they made me stronger.) My main issue: if men weren't supposed to have foreskins they wouldn't be born with them. That's it. Ohh clearly I am still torn. Hopefully we can come to a decision without things getting heated.

Now, if I could only drain my ankles ( which are 5 times their usual size) and find a comfortable position to sit/lie in I'd be golden. Ohh Tiny... are you ready yet?????

I think she's starting to forgive me.

After a week of antibiotics and pain killers, It is clear that Miss Ruby Jones ( our bulldog who was named after the coolest security guard at the Corcoran when I was in Art School) seems to not only feel better, she actually LIKES being around us!

As a little treat ( I think more for me than for her) I took Ruby Jones to the groomer for an all around " day at the spa." Something needed to be done about the stink, seriously. Ruby signed up for: a mani-pedi/ear wax removal/and all over body massage.( bath) She even opted for a style change. ( see bow in photo) ( we talked about the bow on the ride home from the spa, and she made it abundantly clear that it was a mistake and she preferred to look more " bad ass" than "pretty". ( although imagining her dancing around the kitchen singing " I feel pretty" is something that did make me giggle a little) I followed her lead and removed the bow. ( only after I took many incriminating photos of her... for when we haze her @ her wedding or something. :) ) In true dog fashion, when we got home, Ruby Jones rubbed her little meatloaf self all over the furniture, rolled all over the rug, and barked at her butt. ( again, she is a little portly and she can't itch her own butt.. so she opts to bark at it instead)
Anyways, I am happy to report that Ruby Jones must be the toughest dog to have ever lived. Her test results for Lymes came back. When a dog has a "high postive" result for Lyme's, the number is 37. Ruby Jones rang in @ 171! AGGGAHHH! Poor lil' chicken and dumplins. The vet said that we will have to run a longer course of antibiotics, but she should be fine, and no I'm not going to doggie owner jail, she didn't give us any indication that she wasn't feeling well... okayyyy... I know she pee'd on the carpet for 5 months... but she didn't give us any PHYSICAL indicators! Ohh please don't make my guilt-o-meter go off the charts, I have enough hormones raging right now.

yawnnn

I am beat down. I have a bpp in an hour and I cannot imagine driving myself to Georgetown at this point. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.
I just had to put that out there.

maybe just maybe

Maybe just maybe it's hormones.
Maybe just maybe it's exhaustion.
Maybe just maybe the pain from my swollen legs/feet is making me a little "short" with everyone.

Maybe just maybe my child is going through some sort of life changing event... and thinks she can control the universe with her glass shattering screaming.

Maybe just maybe I need to lock myself in my bedroom and just let things "go" for a little while.
Maybe just maybe I've played referee too much today.
Maybe just maybe I'm embarassed because of my children's behavior at the pediatrician's office today.
Maybe just maybe I've fallen for :" can you open this, I promise I'll eat it." too many times
Maybe just maybe I'm sick of the competition and sneaky behavior.
Maybe just maybe I'm tired of always disciplining.
Maybe just maybe Tiny will be a good baby.
Ha. Maybe just maybe I live in a dream world.

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

I'm itchy! The skin on my stomach is shiney and soooo itchy... it's driving me crazy. I tried putting a nice mild cream ( given to me by the lady who does my facials... and oh yeah.. I have to get facials or I look like a 14 year old boy my skin sucks so much) on it to soothe the burning/itching... but even this mild cream made it burn and itch more. I can only hope that at this point that this is all coming to an end in the near future... in hopes to actually have this baby. Listen to me... it's like I'm 2 weeks overdue. HA. I'm such a wuss. My legs have swelled up to the size of elephant ankles once again... they look H-O-T. ( but feel awful) Also a new development: When I have contractions ( which are kinda often.. but untimable) I am unable to breathe. It feels like everytime I contract... someone knocks the wind out of me. I'ts kinda weird, I must say. I wonder: how am I supposed to breathe through the pain of labor... if I can't catch my breath? I had my BPP/OB visit ( with random OB) today. I haven't gained any weight in the last 2 weeks. ( which is a miracle... since I'm pretty much full of fluid) My belly measures 38 weeks/cm.This is consistent with the growth over the last few visits... always a week ahead. I have signed up with a parent from the kids' school who is training to become a post partum doula. I am looking forward to getting to know her better since I will be flinging my boobies out at her every chance I get... due to my fear that I am going to be awful at breastfeeding. I'm sure she will be helpful... or at least I hope she's helpful. I am also a little tired of the 'rhoids. There~ I said it. I'm not going any further... neither should you. I am glad I am still pregnant though. Dr. L returns to the office on Monday. I hopefully will be able to talk her into inducing me. Not that I want to be induced... I WANT to avoid a section if I can. Hopefully the fact that I am not gaining a lot of weight means that Tiny's growth has slowed down a little too. Funny story: I was getting my BPP today and the one sonogram technician , Gloria( who I LOVE) was talking to me about the size of Tiny etc. Gloria: " How big is that baby of your's?" Me: " 2 weeks ago it weighed 7lbs 6 oz. It's huge, and it need to get out!" Gloria: " Honeychild( this is where I have to bite the inside of my cheek to not laugh or channel Brenda from that show "2-2-7") you think that's big... look at this baby. (Gloria went on to show me a hosptial photograph of a baby who weighed 11lbs 3 oz at birth.) We call him ' the Moose.' " I gotta tell ya... I got a little queasy when I saw that. 11 pounds?? YOY !( crossing legs as tightly as I can right now) I will tell you.. .I hope to find something else to focus on very soon. It seems that my pregnancy and my kids. is all I have to talk about. Yawnnnn. I remember the days of politcs and prose... dinner in Dupont Circle... and an occasional show @ either the Black Cat or the Old 9:30 club . Those were the days. Now all I can think about is: my fetus/ my kids/ what's for dinner/ and how much longer until I can go to bed. The kids have some idea that we're gonna pop a tent in their bedroom tonight for them to go camping. Hey as long as they sleep... I'll let them camp every night. I'll let you know how it goes.

What time do I have to leave??

Today's doctor's appointment: Dr. Ratner. Time of appointment: 8:45am. I left the house @ 7:25am. I arrived in Eastern Market @ 9:30. Yes people... that is just under 2 hours of travel time. 270 was a parking lot. The GW parkway was S-T-O-P-P-E-D. Independance Ave was slowwwwwww. I'm glad I wasn't in labor. That would have been a little rough. I'll tell you why all of this traffic was happening after I fill you in on my appointment. BP was good:110/65. Bloodsugar was good:116. I didn't gain any weight this week. Swelling is back in my legs/feet... but not too much of a concern. My bloodsugars have been a little on the low side for the last couple of days. Dr. Ratner said that's how he can tell I'm going to have this baby in the next week or so. Apparently at the very end of a pregnancy a diabetic woman's bloodsugars will drop in preparation of the birth. He said lower bloodsugars are pretty standard for a delivery that is right around the corner. Okie dokie. I'm ready. Bring it. After my nice visit with Dr. R. I drove up toward the Capitol building and down to PA ave. Where I see all the cops. Since I have lived in the D.C. area for about 11 years now, I know the drill: cops in large #'s usually= motorcade. Nope... today ~cops in large #'s = pro-life rally. I am a woman who believes everyone has an opinion. Even if I don't agree with "your" opinion, I still value that for some reason "you" have deduced that "your" opinion matters to "you" and that should count for something. I HOPE that "you" feel the same way about me. Here's what pissed me off~ IF you pro-lifers are so compassionate and looking out for the lives of unborn babies.... and hoping to save the world: PLEASE don't bring 10'X10' images of aborted fetuses and nail them up on the side of government buildings while you march around holding "your" 10 year old's hand... exposing them to HATE ( when " you" must be confused with love) & grotesque images. I almost puked all over the f-in' dashboard when I saw one of the pictures.I mena it's really TOO MUCH. It's tactics like this that make me wonder why the Christian "right" feels that stuff like this is " okay." It put a bad taste in my mouth all day. Not only that.. I prolly had to sit in 2 hours worth of traffic this morning because all these s*#!heads clogged up my streets. GRR. If you have plans on visiting D.C. for some grotesque political statement... I will hear "your" voice... but I will loathe "your" actions. I mean really, what happened to World Peace? I drove back to the 'burbs where people are too passive to actually stand up for their views ( unless protected by government buildings and 4,000 cops) and went to Millie and Holden's parent /teacher conferences. I was pleased to hear that both kids are doing great at school. Both are learning on their own curves and are progressing along at their own speed. I am a little frustrated because HIP is learning math on a 1st grade level.. .&Millie is having a tough time with writing letters. Now the beauty of Montessori is that both kids will succeed regardless . Both will learn things as they are ready. I couldn't ask for any more. The issue: When the kids come home: they bicker and argue because they have learned different things.. and they each think that their thing is more important... which in turns brings out the competition. I was glad to learn that HIP does actually know how to clean up after himself !( something he does NOT do here without a LOT of stern encouragement ( wink)) Millie( as hard as this is for me to believe) does NOT make the other children in school cry. HUH! Who knew? The teachers were all very complementary of our kids. SHEW! You mean, we are actually doing an "okay" job? There's hope yet! As for tomorrow, I have an appointment w/ one of the OB's at Georgetown and my BPP. As for right now: I'm gonna go get comfy. ( if I can find that sweet spot on the couch... where my ribcage doesn't actually snap when I sit down.)

36 weeks

1. 
   We're cooking along here at 36 weeks and here are a few things about the 3rd trimester I have noticed.

1) I am extremely tired pretty much all day long.

2) Tiny definitely has awake/asleep cycles throughout the day. These times of the day are not convienient to my current schedule ( ie: 4 am seems to be a busy part of Tiny's day)

3) My husband is crankier than ever.

4) I am just not hungry for anything other than chocolate pudding.

5) I all of a sudden LOVE (fruit punch) Gatorade.

6) I can smell everything. Especially if it smells bad.

7) I think it's funny when Tiny gets the hiccups, but I wish they didn't last so long... it feels weird.

8) I will be very sad when I'm not pregnant anymore. This was my dream come true. I am so lucky.

9) I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna juggle Millie, Holden, and Tiny all at the same time. I know my skills will develop in time, but still I have that fear of the unknown.

10 ) I have this fear that Tiny looks like a catfish.

(This one goes to:) 11) I'd do this again in a heartbeat.

12) my pet peeves are: when I drop something and have to bend over to pick it up & putting on underwear and socks. ( I always seem to tip over)

Save a seat for me in Hell.

Okay okay. I deserve any " I told you so's." I deserve, " you are a big meanie" ... And I deserve the river of dog pee on the rugs that has been left for me in the past 4 months.

The dog I had sworn to never like again ( after she saturated every single square inch of carpet in our guest room ) has: a "MASSIVE" urinary tract infection and lyme's disease. Poor Ruby Jones. I am awful. She woke up yesterday unable to walk ( joint pain from lyme's) and had peed 3 times in the kids room overnight. I was getting ready to put her outside with a sign around her neck that said " free dog... Take her~ and we'll pay you."

After a day on meds ( a couple hundred bucks worth... Serves me right) she seems to actually have a little spring in her step. She didn't run from me when I asked her to go outside and go pee... And this morning she gave me her paw.( the sore one)

We still need to get the carpets cleaned ( obviously)... But now we know this isn't behavioral... SHE'S SICK. **big sigh** I thought the vet was gone call doggie social services on me.
I am however, making a "spa date" for Ruby Jones so she can get a bath, get her ears cleared out... And the folds in her face de-stained. I'm not so sure how she's gone handle all that attention. People who know her know that she has a touch of the anxiety in new environments. I hope she does fine and rather enjoys her special day of attention and cleansing. She deserves it. She's been putting up with my screaming and carrying on for months now.

Today's game: Re-program children to call Ruby Jones by her name... Not ," you stinky, smelly dog."

Sizin' up

I had my Friday morning BPP today and all was well. Tiny was in there kickin' it old school and actually stayed awake for the whole test. Whew! That's a first. Just to paint a little picture for you: a BPP involves; a fetal heart monitor, a contraction monitor ( both for 20 minutes to a half an hour) and a sonogram to measure movements and the amniotic fluid index. Normal amniotic fluid measures 8-24 cm. Today mine was 12 cm. It is common to be one of 4 women getting a BPP in the same room at the same time. Most of the women are expecting multiples.. .except for me. ;) ( I already took that route( kinda) and I'm cool with a singleton who is being closely watched) Today there was a chatty Cathy ( which is saying a lot for me.. .those of you who know me know that I can talk it up with the best of them) This particular chatterbox girl is expecting boy/girl twins ( first kid(s)) She was very sweet really. She had a lot of questions about life with twins. She wanted to know if I breastfed, when/if I separated them when sleeping/feeding... the works. I tried to keep my composure and not scream " WHEN THEY TURN 4 RUN AWAY!" I wanted to be honest and tell her that someone is gonna start some drama.. and you don't want no drama... but I felt it was nicer for me to let this woman work up to that phase. ( the phase where we play the game " I want the orange marker and just because you have it and I want it.. I'll draw all over the kitchen cabinets with a red marker in protest... and scream "I'm not going to time out!") Ahhh yes a set of 4 year olds.... again I will exhaust this point: TWINS ARE HARD WORK.. anyone who wishes for twins better have a lot of patience. I spent a little time with my friend Amanda after the BPP. Her 3 week old daughter ( name withheld ) is just about the same size as Tiny. I was holding said baby up to my belly sizing her up, trying to imagine pushing something her size out of my coot. Said babe is about 7lbs 14 oz currently. She seemed so small to me. I keep imagining a huge Millie sized baby coming out of me... but said baby's size seemed reasonable. Amanda is doing the mommy thing just perfectly... all with ease. Said babe is absolutely perfect in every way. I hope we are as lucky. I had a dream last night that Tiny was born and it was a boy. I cried and cried because Parker and I haven't decided on a boy's name 100% and I was sad because we HAVE decided on a girl's name. I also was sad in the dream because I didn't want to circumcise. Apparently we have a lot of issues to talk over before the " main event." I should probably get them all settled in for bed. Tiny has the hiccups... I have heartburn.. Millie is hacking up a lung.. Holden is jumping on the couch... and Parker is asleep on the couch. Ahhhh life is so glamorous over here.

The "Scary Doctor."

I had my weekly OB appointment with another one of the doctors in the practice today. I will refer to her as the "scary doctor."

A few weeks ago I spoke with Dr. L's head nurse about my concerns with a doctor other than Dr. L delivering Tiny. Meredith ( nurse) suggested that if I needed to be induced when Dr. L was away she would look @ the schedule and arrange for me to have someone "cool" deliver Tiny. She made mention of a particular doctor and said that she preferred that " Mean Doctor" didn't do the delivery due to her "cold bedside manner." I have been a little freaked out since that conversation... ( because you know I need nice people around me at all times or I cry) but know that I have no control over the matter... so I need to suck it up. Well, today I had an appointment with "mean Doctor" and she was fine. I mean, I didn't want to hug her or anything, but I didn't leave feeling neglected, sad, or scared. So I feel loads better having at least met her... just in case she ends up performing a c-section on me.

All went well at the doctor's visit medically. Tiny has a nice steady heartbeat ( about 140 beats per minute) and has " great breathing movements." My belly measures 37 cm. I will be 36 weeks tomorrow. " Mean ( I mean "Nice")Doctor" said that my measurements are just fine. I actually lost 5 lbs in a week. I will say the weight loss can be attributed to me losing all the swelling/fluid in my legs. My ankles are back baby! Shoes fit! I can actually wear socks ( if someone helps me put them on.. because I always fall over trying to put on socks by myself. Let me tell you.. it ain't pretty)

I am starting to freak out a little about the delivery again. I'm not sure what my pain threshhold really is. I always prided my ability to just deal with pain... but if my labor goes on and on... how much will I be able to handle? As some of you know, Parker has a tendancy to 'worry' a bit when he's not in control. I am scared that I will be a big meanie and he will get frustrated with me and the experience will suck the big one. I keep telling myself... " this is Parker's delivery too.. don't ruin it for him." I know all this worrying is normal... so I will just wait until those moments arise, and know that it will pass.

Millie and Holden are in the other just chillin' out. I think I'll go join in on the fun.

The first cut is the deepest

Today's topic: circumcision.

Back when Holden was a baby, although I was hesitant,we had a bris at our home and circumsized Holden. I was overwhelmed with the idea of motherhood,and respectful of the fact that my husband was/is Jewish. I felt funny about cutting the skin off of the front of HIP's little weiner, but was told " it's for the best." We had a very cool Moyhel who explained the importance of circumcision to a room full of Gentiles and Parker's Dad.( the only other Jew in the house) My dad and Parker's dad held down our helpless son's arms as he laid on top of our dining room table , and we watched Holden's little foreskin get surgically removed as he screamed in pain and terror in front of our families. I held him tightly for hours afterward while he was drunk off of good Jewish wine. We gave the kids Hebrew names ( Millie's is : Nessa Iti.(which means: God's miracle with us) Holden's is Raphael Amos ( which means: God's Strength)) I felt guilty about the circumcision. I hesitated just minutes before... but it was all such a blur. I don't *regret* circumsizing Holden. He is no worse for the wear. I just have had time to think about it this time, and I'm not sure I feel the same way.

Parker and I spoke about circumcision the other night and what we will do if Tiny is a boy. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. We agreed. The problem is : it is very hard to make a decision for an 8 day old boy.
My feelings: Leave well enough alone. If it was supposed to be circumsized... it would arrive that way.
Parker's feelings: He's fine with not circumsizing... but worries that Tiny will be sad that his "thing" looks different than the rest of the dudes in our home.

I'm not concerned about what other's may or may not think. I know that a small percentage of boys @ the kids' school are circumsized... and frankly if it becomes an issue... there may be a problem there.( which there won't be.. because the school is so freakin' cool.. how could it become a problem?)
I have researched circumcision in the USA and only 50% of the boys born anymore are circumsized.
When I think about it... no 2 "things" are alike really. I mean, Millie and Holden aren't alike.. and it's no big deal. We all have something special... and what if Tiny's most special thing is his foreskin?
I have a lot of thinking to do over here. ( Or a lot of wishing that Tiny is a girl and this is all for nothing)

I'd just hate to make the wrong decision. This is way too much pressure.

T- minus...

Since we're getting down to the wire,I thought it would be a good idea to "treat" Millie and Holden to a fun day before Tiny arrives. Those of you who know us, know that Millie and Holden have been the center of the universe since before their birth. Parker and I blame it on their " story." The good news is : I'm not sure Millie and Holden notice the attention they get. Hopefully it never goes to their heads. I have had serious talks w/ My Mee Maw about adding photographs of the 11 other great grandchildren to what seems like an altar piece in honor of Millie and Holden. Meems said to me " It's MY table... I do whatever I want with it." I guess she told me~ straight up. ( note to self: don't argue w/ 84 year old Mee Maw) Secretly, I add photos of the other great grandchildren every time I'm at her house... but somehow they are gone when I return. *sigh* I know the twin thing plays a lot into this... but from what I can understand... it's because Suze carried them... they were born almost 13 weeks early... and survived 8 surgeries collectively. Yes my children have a special story... but I hope to never use their situation to think that they are any more special than any other kid. I just know that we are lucky.

Not to add to the attention, I thought it would be fun to split the kids ( something Parker and I rarely do) and have a little one on one time. Millie and I went and got our fingernails and toenails painted. Millie picked the colors and insisted that we match. So currently we have hooker red fingernails and lilac toenails. Millie was completely beside herself with joy as the woman gave her a mini mani... and got a real kick out of standing in the footbath for her very fancy pedi. I thought Millie was gonna pee her pants when the manicurist put those toe spreader things between Millie's toes. I didn't know her little feet could spread apart so easily! Millie was in true Grandma Butcher giggle mode for about 2 hours. I t was awesome. Parker took Holden to Chuckie Cheese. ( better him than ME ~ I hate that place) He and Holden seemed to enjoy their time together. Holden told me all about the "chickets"( tickets) he won... and is so wonderful that he intentionally picked prizes he could share with Millie. ( sweet tarts and gummy candy) He is such a lover man! ( I can't say Millie would have done the same) Holden was all kissy and happy when he got home. I'm glad we had the time to do this for these guys. I know the transition of the addition of Tiny will be rough.. but we're gonna try to do our best to not have it effect them too much.

My bpp on Thursday went very well. Tiny was actually awake during the whole test. ( that's a first) I have talks with Tiny daily about how it would be okay to be born today... but just like the other 2 Parker kids... Tiny doesn't listen the first( or 50th) time you ask him/her to do something.
I think I'm pretty much ready for Tiny now. There are a few rooms I'd like to organize a little better, but it won't be the end of the world if I don't get to them. Tiny has clean clothes and diapers. ( cloth/g/ 1 pack of disposables ( for Parker's comfort level) ) Tiny's furniture was delivered this week... which was cool... so I don't have to just throw his/her clothes on the floor for Ruby to build a bed out of. ( There's nothin' cooler to a dog than a pile of sweet smelling ,light colored baby clothes. All the better to rub the big stink all over) My friend Katherine's mom is making me 2 car seat covers for Tiny's carseats which is co cool. I can't wait to get rid of the ugly denim ones we had with Millie and Holden. ( the only ones the Toys -R-Us in Towson had when it was time for MS & HIP's "carseat test"( sit in carseat for 20 minutes w/o bradying( dropping the heartrate) or holding their breath) in the NICU. I know I still have a few weeks to wait, but I think I wanna just relax a little ( between bpps and doctors appointments) before the big event.

I'm calming down a little about the delivery. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I need to know that I am not in control of everything, and a healthy babe is the goal. I am starting to freak out because I am dying to know Tiny's gender.. it is KILLING me! But gosh I do love surprises. :)

Okay today is Bagel and lox day. I better go get ready for the feast.

Dr. L said...

I spoke with Dr. L this afternoon. She understands my concerns. She said her rules are as follows:

Any baby over 4,500 grams = c-section
Any baby 4,000 grams or greater on HER scale = c-section.
Any baby UNDER 4,000 grams is okay to deliver vaginally.

Tiny is currently 3,360 grams... so we're cuttin' it pretty close. Basically, I have 3-4 days to go into labor.
Dr. L also stated, " I prefer babies of diabetics to be big.( Take that sonogram technician losers!) Many women with longstanding diabetes develop an ineffective placenta in the 3rd trimester, which means the baby will be small and malnourished. So don't worry about the size."
I explained the fact that I am terrified to have a stranger perform a c-section on me. She understood not only as a doctor, but as a mother. She trusts that collection of doctors in the practice are the best in the business, and that she trusts them as medical professionals and colleagues.
I really feel the need to go off by myself and have a good cry about this. I have built up a good relationship with Dr. L, ( I mean she STILL drags people in from the hall in the hospital to look at my tattoos) and I kinda had this ideal that she would be with me during the hardest hours of my life. Dr. L's bedside manner is perfect for me. She's understanding ... but has edge... which I love.

So if anyone has any labor inducing tips ( other than copious amounts of sex) they would be much appreciated. Either that... or send me some vibes to help Tiny stay in so when I DO have to have a c-section Dr. L is the one to do it... after she returns in 2 weeks.
Deep cleansing breaths... oh wait.. I CAN'T BREATHE someone's foot is in my lung!

Would you look at the size of that thing!

Here's the belly @ 34 weeks. It might not seem enormous to most but secretly... inside grows a baby that is ( I hope you are sitting down) 7lbs 6oz. No that is not a typo... Tiny ( the most inappropriate name ever given to a fetus of this size) weighs 7lbs 6 oz. Now ~ there is a margin of error on the type of sonogram we had today... but for now I am terrified that I am delivering a baby that will out weigh Millie by the time he/she is born. Tiny looks good in every other way. S/he is doing everything a 34 weeker should be doing. The issue here is : Dr. Landy is leaving on Saturday... so if any decisions are made in the next week, they will be made by a stranger... which makes me so sad. I am sitting here waiting for Dr. Landy to call so we can possibly discuss the plan of events. If we wait until January 30th (the day Dr. Landy returns to her office) by my calculations , Tiny Parker will weigh around : 9lbs 6 oz. Okay ~ NO... I will not go there people. ( if I can help it) The thing I hate most of all is the reaction to the fact that I have diabetes. Anyone knows that diabetes causes babies to grow faster than that of babies born to non-diabetics... but I do NOT need the judgemental " Diabetics who are controlled don't have big babies" comment every time I get a sonogram. ERGGGGAHHH ! I hate that! I DO control my diabetes... don't look at me sideways because my baby is bigger than most at this point than most babies. I know for a fact that the peole looking at me sideways( typically medical professionals) and judging me DON'T have diabetes. Live one friggin' day in my shoes people and you will know that living with diabetes is HARD... and have any of you heard me complain? (don't answer that Parker!) I think my hormones are kicking in.. so I better zip it. I'll let you know what Dr. Landy and I decide. I better go elevate my tree trunks for legs.

Just call Me Sister Judy

I know you think this is sexy. I know you are thinkin' to yourself, " God, her legs are hot!" All I can think is that I am rivaling one of the nuns at my high school. I also know that this could be a billion zillion times worse. I'm just stating: I have large ankles these days and they are starting to get on my nerves.

Busy week

This past Friday was a busy one. I had a BPP @ 10 am... ( which went well)and an appointment w/ Dr. Landy @ 2:45pm. 'Kay.. the BPP office and Dr. Landy's office are THE SAME OFFICE! Grrr. So I had to waste 3 hours and 45 minutes. How annoying. I mean they couldn't have done my BPP in the afternoon? Nope.. .all the techs work half days on Fridays. They leave @ noon. Still noon would have been better. So I drove to Bethesda and shopped for my Mom's birthday gift. I picked up a little something at a store called: Red Orchard. I love this place. Regional artists sell their wares here. You can find everything from edible garden seeds - $5,000 oak tables. Felted blankets... hand printed stationary,baby junk, awesome jewelry, pottery... ceramic sculpture, wooden spoons, scarves.. I could go on and on. It really is a cool place. If you're a local, and you're stumped for a gift... you won't be sorry if you hit this place. You never know, you may pick up a little something for yourself. :) ( Okay I confess! I bought a really cool ring with some of my Christmas money. :) )
After my shopping euphoria, I headed back to Georgetown and saw Dr. Landy. She said everything still looks good and she is really planning on inducing me @ 37 weeks or so. Here's where I freak. She is headed off to Boston to take a class @ Harvard ( something she said she always wanted to do) and returns back in the office on January 30th. So I'm in the hands of whoknowswhat Dr. until she returns. I don't wanna be induced. I don't want that dumb pitocin. I want my hippie natural birth that I can FEEL. I wanna cry. I wanna moan and walk around and deliver on all fours. Do I know that this will probably not happen. Yes. DO I know that not many women can stand the power of the contractions caused by pitocin? Yessss. DO I know that eventhough I am TERRIFIED of an epidural... I will most likely have one? Yessssssssss. Do I also know that the further I go, the chances of having a c-section go up exponentially? ( due to Tiny's size.. which is currently 5lbs)I know that too.I have to accept it. But I just need to say I feel sad about it. No I won't dwell. I will be sad that I sorta kinda had this idea of how the birth of our baby would be... and it seems that I don't really have any control over that. I s'poze most people don't have that control, but the people I do know who had natural births, actually had control... and a voice. For so long I haven't had any say when it comes to my medical care, but I see this as a natural event... something my body is supposed to do... but still I have to hand over my control to a team of doctors nurses and students ( Georgetown is obviously a teaching hosptial) to take over our intimate little moment when my baby comes out. The moment I imagined nursing my baby almost instantaniously while still attached to the placenta. The moment I see my bloody and vernix covered baby.. without it being taken away and wiped off so it's "clean." I didn't get to see Millie and Holden when they were born. I didn't get to see them come into this world. ( I heard them... and I haven't stopped hearing them since! whew!) So when it comes to Tiny's birth, I just kinda want to "see" everything. Parker says that medicine is here to help and protect. ( or something to that effect) Clearly I agree with him. I know that childbirth is dangerous. I also know that I have a raised risk level that puts my control somewhere down @ level 1.. and the doctors' up at level 10. I also knew all of this before I got pregnant. I've been having a lot of talks with Tiny. I keep saying, " Tiny, can you please make the decision to come out in the next 2 weeks or so? I would REALLY prefer not to have to be induced.If Tiny is anything like Millie and Holden today... I'll be having a c-section in 3 weeks. Parker and I went to our childbirth class yesterday. It really summed up how I felt about our delivery. It also was too long( 9-3:45) and unrealistic. The only mention of the NICU was if the baby ingests Meconium. THAT'S IT! Ridiculous. We took a tour of L&D, and we found out that last week we spent the night in a crappy room... instead of what they have to offer everyone else! We also watched many informative videos on birth styles/stories/and drugs. ( although the teacher seemed to be a proponent of natural deliveries) So, we have a lot to think about/obsess over for the next couple of weeks. Which is always nice, yes?

Back to Friday: We threw Millie and Holden a " No more Noonies! ( pacifiers) party" on Friday night. Obviously to celebrate the fact that they have given up their noonies. We need them to know how proud of them we are! A bunch of their friends ( and their friends parents) joined us for pizza and cake. It was fun. ( until Millie had a complete meltdown over who knows what. All we can figure is that she was just exhausted) Millie and Holden seemed pleased. I would have pictures to post... if my camera's stupid flash never went off! Luckily Suze is more organized that I am... and I know she took some pics... so I'll at least have something to show Millie and Holden when they are older. ( bad mommy) Luckily I had my mom and Suze at the house on Friday.. since they pretty much did everything in preparation. I am lucky to have such a cool and supportive family. I was also glad to See Gingersnap and all of her cuteness. She sure can make a room smile.

Okay, Ruby seems to be barking ( something that sounds more like a muffled " glurk") at I'm sure nothing other than the sky.. but it never hurts to check if a small child is standing there peeing it's pants in fear.

I hope this upcoming week slows down for me. These mid- week visits to the hospital are getting OLD.

That was a close one!

After a night of pure hell ( nausea, 'runs', exhaustion,keytones, and just plain sickness) I was admitted to Georgetown's L&D. ( Dr. Landy said she doesn't mess around w/ this stuff & diabetics) I was having big contractions... my heartrate was the same as Tiny's... ( 140) I was Massively dehydrated... and begging for relief. I was not dialated and my cervix is " nice and long." The nurses told me to brag about that. :) I was diagnosed w/ strep and put on more antibiotics. I spent 24 hours at the hosptial in the most uncomfortable bed on the planet... and was discharged this morning. I am very tired... and very glad to be home.

I have to admit it

Okay.. I tried to avoid this. I tried to be one of those women who LOVE being pregnant. I have LOVED being pregnant...until now. I have had an easy "go" as far as this gestation thang goes.. but now I have to tell you that after a night in the hospital...I mayyyy be changing my tune a bit. After having every device under the sun jammed into my coot.... I am shall we say.. .sore. I am still having contractions, I am unable to get a deep breath, and the feet in my ribs are a little ( in my whispering voice) annoying at times. I have really enjoyed my pregnancy... even the scary times... because dammit, I got to EXPERIENCE these things. Fewww!!!.. I'm glad I got that off my chest.
After today's BPP ( which went fine after Tiny finally woke up) I received a phone call from Dr. Landy. I told ther that I was still having contractions. She told me that she got the lab results from my visit to L&D and apparently I DON'T have a UTI... I have a staph infection. I had to pack up the kids I had just picked up from school, and schlep over to the pharmacy to pick up my much stronger antibiotic. Dr. Landy also said that the contractions may be sensations caused by the staph infection and to give it 24 hours ( unless the contractions got worse of course) SO I have been contracting every 4-7 minutes for about an hour. I am a little confused as to what I should be doing. Go to Georgetown and have them tell me " you're not dialated. OR not go to Georgetown and freak out that I am dialating. Sigh. What to do what to do...
It's been an hour another hour and I'm still contracting. My back kinda hurts. I don't know if I'm just uncomfortable from pregnancy... or if I am sick. Now the best thing ever is that I feel nauseous to top it all off. Another sigh.

It's a....

Urinary tract infection. We spent a few hours at Georgetown's L&D... hooked up to a lot of monitors... had my cervix checked in every way possible ( I'm re- thinking that natural delivery... OWWW-CH) Actually saw Dr Landy.( she (coincedentally) was the Dr on call.. which was so nice) I contracted every 4 minutes for a while. Nothing big... no changes to the cervix.. etc...Tiny is fine... I am fine...( I'm still contracting... but apparently ~ that's fine) I'm off to bed... I'm starting to feel nauseous. I'm sure it's the rotavirus kickin' in.

hmmm

Welp, I am sitting here waiting for Dr. Landy to call back. I have been having what I think MIGHT be contractions every 7-10 minutes for the last 45 minutes. The pinching hasn't stopped either.( that is the most annoying part) Parker is all flipped out. For some reason I am just cool and calm... typing away onmy blog. Waiting for the OB.

20 mins later... off to hospital................