Monday, August 18, 2008


Gus has a severe sweet tooth. If the child could eat sweets all day he would be one happy little dude. M&H like sweets too, but they will grab a piece of fruit or some carrots more often than not.
I can get Gus to eat well rounded meals, but if there is mention of anything not healthy~ he's done. This will be a short sweet( no pun intended) post about the chocolate G found last night. The hubs and I were sitting watching the olympics last night. We were in a heated debate about women's gymnastics. P hates it. I love it. I was a competitive gymnast until I was 14, and I loved it.( most of the time) P has issues with the judges and the politics behind the scores. ANYHOO, G walks in with something in his hand and says, " Daddy, dis chocolate is yucky." P takes it and evaluates what could be so bad about a piece of chocolate. His face twists up and he says," That's because this isn't chocolate, Buddy." I shot a look over to him as he holds up what is a log of dog poo. ( My guess is Devo left us a litte "gift" because we went on a boat ride for 3 hours and left him behind.) P goes," There are teeth marks in this !" I think he then threw up a little in his mouth. We quickly washed Gus' hands and wiped out his mouth. His breath didn't smell like poo, but we were in a panic state . I asked M&H what happened. They just looked at me and said " he didn't eat it" and continued watching Mr Bean. ( for a guy who says so little, he sure can make all of us laugh) We are still wondering if he did eat some, or just the smell was enough to categorize it as " yucky." He's fine this morning, happy and hungry.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

End of a Chapter

As you may or may not know, G is a Boob Man. Kid LOVES boobies. He likes to look at boobs, touch boobs, talk about boobs, but mainly, he loves to " taste" my boobs. I have been "trying" ( half heartedly, if not at all) to wean him for over a year. The only reason being.. I had to get back on some meds. Other than that I was happy to let him drink away.

About 3 weeks ago I started having chest pains. Nothing too bad, but persistent. A dull pain on the left side of my chest along with some pain in my back and shoulder, and some tightening. I let it go on for 48 hours and finally wrote my doctor an e-mail. His response to my e-mail was:
"GO TO THE ER RIGHT NOW!" Apparently I am a prime candidate for a heart attack. A diabetic woman with high cholestoral... who hasn't taken her meds for over 3 years. After a quick and painless visit to the ER in my beach town, it was decided that my heart is a-okay, and I have "Gastro-esophogeal reflux disease." Weird,but the Zantac removed the chest pain. So that's cool, right? All of this posed a real problem. This problem : I had to wean Gus. Better for him to have a healthy Mother, than to be able to nurse on demand at 2 1/2. This was seemingly impossible.
I sent the kids to my Parents' place for a week. That did the trick. It was hard on everyone. I was devastated. Gus was confused. My Mom was exhausted. After 7 days, Gus was all done. When he returned home, he tried every once and awhile to nurse. To fall asleep he had to
" Hold it." Holding it quickly turned into " I need ta put my eye on it." Then " I need ta put my chin on it." That quickly turned into a desperate attempt to latch on as I blocked his mouth from contact with my nip. It was frustrating to say the least, but he got the idea. One day, he was a walking zombie. Crying " I need to suck your boobs mommyyyyyyyyy" Believe me, my first response was to swoop him up and let him suck on my boobs. My gut knew that we had come so far, and falling off the wagon would just start this agony all over again. I found a pacifier. He wanted nothing to do with it. Like the wonderful and healthy mom I am, I dipped that thing in pudding and asked him just to try it. He took the bait. A look came across his face...he remembered how wonderful it was to suck. He sighed, and put his head on my shoulder,and hummed. I felt awful. How could I give him a " Dummy tit" as my British friends call it. Well let me tell you, the dummy works wonders. He uses it when it is time for bed. He has started loving story time. When he nursed, he would kick books away. Now, he says," Mommy, 3 more stories?" When I read him a few books, and quietly lay next to him, he wraps himself around me, just like he used to when he nursed, and peacefully falls asleep. Gus also is open to trying new foods and drinks. It's funny how the thing that was so perfect to us in so many ways, may have held him back from enjoying some of the good things in life. I cannot complain about our run with nursing. I loved every bit of it ( after that awful first few weeks) I am still so sad we stopped, but I know it's for the better. ( I guess) I think that I need to get used to the idea that we have weaned too.
Gus has now become somewhat of a boob inspector these days. He asks people if they have boobs in their shirts. He asks people if they want to nurse his boobs. He also is always aware of where exactly my boobs are at all times. He explains to people that ," Mommy's boobs are over dere. I can't dwink mommy's boobs, dey're empty." Rips my heart out every time. We'll get to the point that we need to stop using a pacifier, obviously. For now, we will know that he can fall asleep on his own.

The good news is: Since I am all finished nursing, I gave myself a gift of my "Gus tattoo". It is a beautiful rendition of Robert Lawson's young Ferdinand the Bull sniffing a flower in a meadow. My Gussy is a lover, not a fighter after all. He is very proud of his tattoo, as he shows people the tat proudly telling them that it is HIS tattoo, and while they are looking " these are Mommy's boobs" ( pointing to what used to be vuluptuous mammories, but are more like pancakes these days) Awkward.:)

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Were you born an asshole???

There's this Jimmy Buffett song( I'll admit that I have listened to a few Jimmy Buffett songs in my life. I'm not going to lie that his voice is soothing to me in the summertime) called" Were you born an asshole?" The refrain is : " Were you born an asshole? Or did you work at it your whole life?" The point of the song is that this jerk cut Jimmy Buffett off on the highway, and instead of getting mad at the time and taking it out on the driver, he wrote a song about the dude instead. I am here in Bloggerland to do the same thing.

I am one of the lucky few to be able to summer at the beach. My husband is awesome enough to work his ass off during the week and come down on the weekends to see his family. He has only seen the kids 3 times this summer. He tells me he is getting a lot done at home. I secretly think he loves his chaos free life. The problem with living in a beach town is that you deal with well... not to sound too pretentious, but you have to deal with the tourists. My kids and I live here. That means that we have routines. That means that we ride bikes not to sightsee, but to excersize. That means we eat baked salmon, wild rice, fresh greens, and locally picked nectarines at our house for dinner, not chicken nuggets and fries with applesauce at the local crab house. We have a membership to the waterpark and walk in with pride that we have different armbands than everyone else, and the employees recognize us. Yes, this does sound pretentious.BUT I know that we are lucky. I don't expect to be able to do this... it is a priveledge. My parents let us use their house rent free. I know we are lucky. We are loving every second of it.

Here's what happened to us today that I will immortalize and spread all over the internet.

Picture it: It's 8 pm on a breezy beach evening. The kids have eaten dinner. The kitchen is clean. The dog has eaten. We have a little time to kill so we decide to go outside and ride bikes. the neighbor's kids were riding bikes. 6 total. ( between two houses) + My 3. MSP and HIP were riding all over the place being careful to watch for cars and people. G was riding around on a little truck thing that he sits on and pushes with his feet. The adults were standing on the road chit chatting and the kids were all over the place. We have a big neon " children at play " sign that we put in the road to call attention to the kids. The street is quiet. Maybe 20 cars drive past a day. SO. There we were minding our own.. when this Lexus pulls up. The Blonde middle aged and WAY overdressed woman proceeds to HONK HER HORN AT G!!!!!!!!! SHE HONKED HER HORN AT A BABY ON A PLASTIC RIDE ON TOY!!!!!!!!!! I got all up in the side of her car and screamed " Did you really just honk your horn at my BABY!!!" and gave her the almost finger( you know when you still have your fingers open but your middle finger is up just a little higher?) Instead of being apologetic she raised her arms and shoulders as if she were the victim. WELL overdressed lady in a Lexus from PA( I would post her license plate # but I'd have panic attacks that someone would try to whack her in revenge) You are forever known as" the bitch who honked her horn at my baby." I hope you are proud of yourself. You suck the big one. You are lucky I didn't put a big steamin' pile of dog shit in a plastic bag on your porch and light it on fire. That's what you really deserve. Or better yet, me in my car on your driveway at 3 am honking my horn while you try to sleep. Or everytime she drives by I put G in the road and make her sit there and wait for him to ride around all over the place in front of her car. Tonight I will dream of all the possible scenarios. I know where you live lady from PA. If I were you I wouldn't honk your horn at my kid(s) again.. or I will post a photo of you in your car right here on the lovely internet.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Good Lord! The baby turned 2!?

Yep... 15 days ago our little Angus turned 2 years old. This shocks me. Just like my parents always said " It was like you were born yesteday."The 2 year old baby is making us laugh and laugh every day with his hilarious antics and requests. He is a very verbal litle dude who knows exactly what he needs and wants. Mainly : boobies. As I have stated multiple times in the past, I have attempted to wean him, but, no dice. He is a boob man through and through. For awhile there he nursed 3 times a day ( and twice at night). A nasty bout with croup... a 105 degree fever for 4 days, and no desire to eat or drink.. mounted us back on the bandwagon to his usual 10 times a day. As he became more verbal, his requests of " I see boob?" "I touch boob?" & " I nuss?" were his main vocabulary. Now we have graduated to " I a motoboatin' son'bitch" as he blows zerberts inbetween my boobs. ( Thanks Parker.. that's a gem) Gus attends his little Montessori toddler community 2 days a week. He loves it. He plays with the animals, feeds the turtles, paints, reads, brushes the really big teeth with a giant toothbrush, bakes muffins, washes windows and dishes, washes his hands, sits at the family table... you know, Montessori stuff that his mother doesn't teach him at home. We love it. He takes a "gymnastics" class on Wednesdays. This is where I chase him around and the other mothers wonder why I don't keep him with the rest of the group. Sorry, I follow my child on every level. :) Please, do you really think he's the next Mitch Gaylord? Gus has some kickin' dance moves... which involve a lot of elbow movement. His new favorite music is that of the Moldy Peaches and the Velvet Underground. He makes my completely stressed out husband smile from ear to ear. His most favorite food ( besides chocolate) is sheets of toasted nori. He eats it like he's eating a bowl of potato chips. Now, the thing that I am a little bummed about is: he has become a TV junkie. It seems that the big kids have taught him how to turn on the TV. I find him all stoned and smiley sitting in front of Wow Wow Wubzy at least once a day. One day I asked him to turn it off and he said " no!go'way Get in garbage!!" My son, my flesh and blood, likened me to nothing more than trash! So there ya go. The last 2 years are a blurr. I can't wait to see what he does next. Happy belated birthday little one. You are a rock star.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Just your typical breakfast menu of Wafles, and a side of sibling rivalry.

Millie: " Holden pretend we're a prince and princess and you're gonna save me."

Holden:" No Millie, I don't want to play that."

Millie: ( slumps down in her chair and shoots a look of death at Holden)

Holden:" MOM! Millie just said that if I don't play with her she won't get me a transformer!!!"

Me: " Holden, no she didn't, she just sat there looking at you."

Millie:" Nu uh, I said that if he didn't play with me that I was going to buy him Make-up and make him wear it." ( purses lips together and raises eyebrows, trying not to laugh.)

Holden:" EWWWW NOOOOOO I will definitely not wear make up!!!

Millie/me:" BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (high five!) Yeah baby! Take that!"

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I just have to vent here. I have to tell you I am tired of cleaning. You know what I do every single day? I clean. I pick up toys and put them back. I wipe off tables, I pick up remotes in the bathroom? I clear off the driveway. I clean up shredded diapers and vacume ( thanks Devo) I sort through tall piles of catalogs and recycle. I clean the same exact way every other mom in the world cleans.... and you know what? It looks like I sit around on my ass all day. It doesn't matter how hard I try, this house looks like a bomb went off in it. I clean up one area, and while I head to another section of mess, the section I just finished cleaning, is messy again. Rules I make ( no food out of the kitchen) are broken and bold face lies are told. I fold laundry all day and all night... but there is still a pile of laundry always waiting to be put away or folded. I clean . Thats what I do. There are piles of papers the kids bring home from school that I'm not quite sure I should keep, but I feel bad throwing them away. So they sit on the kitchen counter cluttering up the place, laughing at me when I am teary and overwhelmed. I clean. What a waste of precious life.

I have been tossing around the idea of going to the Montessori Institute to get Montessori training for 0-3 year olds. One of the most important parts of Montessori is cleanliness and no clutter. Well, how the hell can I even get myself to get settled in enough in my own environment to teach cleanliness and clairity? Which brings me to my much overdue point:

I feel defeated. every single day I wake up defeated, knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will not accomplish one thing today. I will attempt to clean and straighten,only to turn around and it be trashed. I am generally a happy person who can usually see the brighter side of life. I'm realistic. I complain a lot, but I know I'm being a whiner.
For Chistmas this year I want a live in maid named Alice, 3 children who understand that I am trying to get things in order around here, and a purged basement that only has toys that the kids actually will use more than once a year. That's no too much to ask, is it?

If anyone wants some free toys aimed at 3-5 year olds.. let me know quick.. because I feel a HUGE purge swelling up.

Saturday, November 17, 2007


I know I haven't posted in eons. Let's just say that the school year is kicking my ass. Here's a little update... in readers digest format.

  1. Kids start back at school in ( obviously ) September. Since they are among the oldest kids in the class things are looking up. HIP has 2 new teachers. They are fun, beautiful ( on the inside and out) and very dedicated to their job and the children. MS continues on with her teachers from the year before. She finds a confidence she never knew she had. She is finally a " big kid" in the class and has jobs. Gus starts in his toddler community. He transitions well. Loves the teachers. Has fun playing with the kids and animals.
  2. I enroll MS & HIP in Lacrosse ( monday afternoons)(Millie hates it and quits) and Gymnastics( tuesday afternoons)and Gus on Wednesday mornings. Gus' teacher congratulates me on my non-exhisting pregnancy. I...
  3. Get a personal trainer. She declares," I'm gonna kick your ass." She wasn't kidding people. I almost throw up every time I meet with her. She tells me I need to lose 15 lbs and firm up my flabby ass. As much as I hate her.. I love her too. She cracks me up.
  4. Millie becomes obsessed with Gymnastics. She declares that she isn't going to go to school anymore so she can go to gymnastics every day. Millie's teeth also start faling out left and right. She currently looks like Nanny McPhee.
  5. Gus starts talking about pooping on the potty. He actually poops on the potty a couple of times.
  6. Holden is still picking his nose and eating it. it makes me dry heave.
  7. Millie is in Love with Corbin Bleu and tells everyone that he is her boyfriend.
  8. Gus speaks.
  9. Devo Howls at the moon
  10. One of Holden's teachers is senselessly and horrifically murdered. her family and friends hold a celebration of life ceremony. I sit there wondering why ( along with everyone else) we are there. Why do these things happen to WONDERFUL people. There is a big gaping hole at the kids' school. Sometimes I feel like her spirit is at the school, smiling down on everyone, as she pats the kids on their heads when they accomplish their " big work."
  11. I bleach my hair. ( ALL BY MYSELF) It isn't good. I get it fixed. It is better. Now I have roots galore and I wonder when I'll have time to go get it touched up.
  12. Are you bored yet?