Nervous

Okay. I am trying not to freak out. I am trying to be level headed. But the fact is I'm terrible @ doing both of those things. I started having mild contractions on Sunday. Nothing major.. but tightening nonetheless. I called my doctor... who was apparently too busy to call me back. SO I called back today. Dr. Landy is " baffled" by this. She said her only explanation is my body cannot tell the difference between the baby and the blood clot... so it is just trying to get rid of the foreign matter all together. Rosemary ( the nurse I spoke with today) said " Dr Landy seems to think you are now at an increased for a late miscarriage." I was shocked to hear that. I mean, I'm coming up on 16 weeks... and everything has been great. Now this mysterious blood clot shows up out of nowhere and my perfectly healthy, perfectly fine baby will have to suffer the consequences? I find this unnacceptable.

Why is it that we want more kids again?

I love big families. I love the idea of hustle and bustle. I love the idea of big holiday gatherings.. and a big pig pile of people on the couch watching a movie under a blanket on a snow day. I do NOT however love when my children get a hold of a purple permanent marker and draw on the house. Yes: my 2 children not only got a hold of a permanent marker ( which they KNOW they are not supposed to have) THEY DREW ON THE SIDING, THE DECK AND THE GRILL. Now, you ask " where the heck were you during all of this?" Good question. I was standing 4 feet away with my back turned talking on the phone... like any good mom on bed rest should be doing. Being stranded in one's home w/ 2 bored 3 year olds requires communication with adults via telephone every once and awhile. K so back to the graffiti. Not only did they draw all over our house/deck/grill... when I saw what they were doing and said " HEY WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING???!!??" The girl suspect pitched the marker over the side of the deck and ran inside squealing and laughing. When put in bed ( as a form of punishment... a form of punishment I don't neccessarily agree with... but I had no other options) They thought it would be appropriate to play until 1 am. I went in and glared @ them 2 times... which in turn threw them into giggle fits so bad that they ran to the bathroom to pee. Seriously, how do those families with 11 kids do it? ZYou've seen those families... all dressed in homemade clothes... they all play the violin in perfet pitch.. the laundry is folden and put away.. the dishes are clean... and the kids call their parents " Mamn & Sir."I'm not saying I wanna be Amish.... I'm just saying I can't even discipline 2 kids... what the heck are we gonna do when Tiny shows up? Does anyone have any pointers on how to get permanent marker off of a stained deck?

Tiny is growing

I'm not computer savvy enough to know how to scan a picture. I'm not even sure we have a scanner... anyhoooo...

Here's Tiny @ 15 weeks.( check out the schnozola) & where the heck did those legs come from??

a little scare

So yesterday I felt a little bit crampy. I drank some water, and took it easy. The cramps stuck around, but I attributed it to my blocked up bowels. ( Sad but true...ewww) The cramping continued today, and Suze told me to just give the doctor a call, " just so she knows." I called this afternoon and Dr Landy advized me to get a sonogram of " Tiny" and my cervix. Tiny is perfect. S/he has Millie's profile exactly. Tiny was " maxin' and relaxin" ( according to the sonogram tech) The reason for my cramping is because I have a sizeable blood clot hanging out @ the top of my cervix. Dr. Landy's recommendation: " Modified bedrest." ( for one month) This means: no lifting anyything, including my kids. No strenuous activities. No stress. " Just take it really easy." So it looks like I am gonna catch up on my Us Weekly, my"stories," Oprah, Trading spaces, and if I'm feeling up to it: Amazing birth stories on discovery. I'll let you know how things go. I don't remember what it feels like to be bored... but I have a feeling one day of this and I'm gonna remember real quick. :)

14 week check.

So my blood pressure meds must be really good. ( I mean I take a dose a 400 lb man should take, but that's a whole 'nother story... point is: they work) After our babysitter and I miscommunicated the time of my appointment,( ie: she didn't show up) the pre-rush hour commute to Georgeown, and the hectic weekend w/ Scarlett, my blood pressure was 118/60. I was shocked. After all that stress my blood pressure is still okay!I have officially gained 3 lbs total. Parker came to this appointment. He looked cute when he was listening to the heartbeat for the first time. I said, " see? I'm not just bloated." Dr Landy said " oh no... that's definitely not bloating." ( and smiled) The results for the cystic fibrosis test came back negative, so we're past our first hurdle. SHEW! The next one is Spina bifida. The visit was short, and sweet. We get our first real sonogram on September 12th. I'm kinda excited about that. It'll be cool to see Tiny in there kickin' it. So everything looks great right now.

Scarlett continues to act like she is feeling better. I took her for a very short walk today. Since our street is completely empty @ 8 am, I took the leash off for the return half of the walk. This is how I know Scarlett the dog has gotten old on me: She just walked next to me. She did sniff my neighbor's mailbox stand, but then returned to my side immediately. Back in the old days, I would have had to get on my bike to keep up with ger her so she didn't go rip a neighbor's golden retreiver's head off. I do think the walk was good for her. Her limp was pretty much gone by the end of the walk, and she walked right up the steps with no problem.( For the last 3 days I have had to to help her maneuver the steps. ) Dr. Heidi ( Gallant) Fritz ( my good friend who is a vet) agreed with the internist @ the pet ER. She said " these procedures are really invasive,and not guaranteed to cure her of cancer. Scarlett is an old dog, who has had a great life. If Scareltt was 2 years old, I would have already operated, but in this situation, I'd just let her ride it out. You could have about a year, just make it count." As I see Scarlett improve with each day after returning from the ER, I agree w/ Heidi. I love my dog, and I don't want to make things worse. I just make sure to tell her how I feel, and feed her lots of yummy treats.

Anyways, This week has been hard, but all seems well today. My inner Buddist tells me to just appreciate today, so that's what I'll do.

the test results

Scarlett has lung cancer. I am absolutely beside myself with grief. I know that Scarlett the dog has had a better life than most kids in the world, so I don't regret not doing stuff etc...but I still don't want her to go away, she is my friend. I have told Scarlett probably every day that she has been a part of our lives that I love her... and she is a good, good girl. ( even when she was a bad girl and bit another dog or something dog crazy like that) I have no regrets. The animal internist said that operating on Scarlett wouldn't cure her, and the operation is a big procedure. " It's more humane to just keep her comfortable than put her through an invasive surgery,and hard recovery. " I don't have much more to say about this right now. I am kinda without words. I do know however that I will cherish every moment I have with her, and from now on make sure I make time for Scarlett. I am so sad.

Mrs. Grumpy

Maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe it's because the vet @ the Pet ER said that Scarlett most likely has lung cancer. Maybe it's that lately, I love to hate everyone. Or, maybe it's because I felt like I had some control, and now it's gone. Today I am in a sad funk. Yes I am terrified to hear what the internist at the vet's office is going to say tomorrow morning. I never want tomorrow to even arrive. I just cannot imagine our family without Scarlett, and I don't want to watch her die slowly. I CANNOT put her down. Now, I do not know what her prognosis will be exactly, but I am always prepared for the worst. I learned that in the NICU. The real reason I am angry right now is because Parker was discussing our baby name possibilities w/ some ( unnamed people) and they put down every name! OKAY. Here's where I wonder where the heck people get off. I don't give a rat's behind about what people name their kids. If someone told me , " I wanna name my baby " Water" I'd say," that's so cool, what was your inspiration?" Naming a kid is one of the hardest parts about being a parent, and now the problem is: I know these 2 people don't like the one very strong possibility. So every time we see them, I'll know they don't like what we named our kid.. and I will secretly be so mad. This is why I don't want to discuss our ideas on names anymore. I'm not upset with Parker, he was probably cornered, I am so hurt that these people had the nerve to say anything negative about our options/ So~ a little hint from someone who has enough sense to keep certain opinions to herself: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything @ all.I learned that one in nursery school. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.

My first born.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I consider Scarlett the Dog to be my first born daughter. Scarlett is the result of my pigheadedness, and my Mee Maw's open checkbook. ( with the condition that I would do odd jobs to work off the $200 lent to me) Scarlett ( an English/American bulldog mix breed) flew up from Ragland Alabama to D.C. on a cold January day ( for a $30 charge) and Parker and I picked her up in the freight holding area @ National Airport. It was the brand new year of 1995. I had turned over a new leaf. I was determined to be a good mom. Scarlett's only job was to keep me real. I distinctly remember holding her like a sleeping infant in my lap in the front seat of Parker's "Oldsmo-buick" saying " I love our babayyy" in my best Holly Hunter voice... just like in Raising Arizona. Scarlett put up with a lot of my shit over the years, and frankly, I've put up with a lot of her shit as well. ( literally) Scarlett tolerated the introduction of Miss Ruby Jones ( her English bulldog sister . ie: her nemesis) to our family as I struggled with the beginning stages of infertility. Scarlett tolerated the intro of the 2 hairless puppies we brought to her home after a weird 3 month visit with my parents while the kids were in the NICU. Scarlett tolerated getting kicked out of our bed , only to be replaced by screaming infants and beeping apnea monitors. Scarlett is tolerant. Tonight, Scarlett is tolerating being "tapped" by one of the emergency room vets @ Pet E.R. in Towson. It seems that after an x-ray taken to diagnose why the dog was all of a sudden peeing all over the house. ( except for in places where it was easy to clean up) Her bladder was fine. We were left a message that she would be fine. This past week, Scarlett got OLD quick. She wasn't eating. Scarlett wasn't drinking. She was really working hard to breathe. I called the vet. Wherein the vet informed us that " in April, a message was left at your home stating that a large mass was detected in the lower lobe of Scarlett's lung and to please call back for an appointment for further testing." I OBVIOUSLY never got the message. I was advised to take Scarlett to the Pet E.R. ( By my friend Dr. Heidi) so our "Good Girl" could be seen by a specialist. Upon arrival, the Vet said that Scarlett is VERY SICK. Her chest cavity is filled with fluid. The mass in her lung is still there, and possibly tumors could be throughout her entire body.Scarlett could be in congestive heart failure. The Vet said Scarlett has about "5 months to live." She added, " we don't know exactly what her prognosis is, but I will say, it would have been better if taken care of 5 months ago. " Here's where I want to call our vet and SCREAM, " WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL US BACK?????!!!!!??!??!?!?" Clearly we didn't get the message. Why would we take a dog to the vet to see why she is peeing in the house, and not follow up on a call about a tumor in her lung??? My heart is broken. I am numb. I know that Scarlett isn't immortal, but what am I gonna do?

The baby made me do it!

Okay. For 7 1/2 years I have been pure. For 1/2 years I have watched everything I have put in my mouth. For 7 1/2 years I have been a vegetarian. Until today. I ate a kosher beef hot dog. The thought of it repulsed me for so long. Animal flesh????? GROSS!! Until I was making the kids' lunch... and I just decided to pop a piece of hot dog in my mouth.... and IT TASTED SO GOOD. I don't even feel bad. I do however promise to go back to being a veggie burger after the kid is born. Mark my word. If Gweneth Paltrow can do it.. than so can I!

what's kickin'?

I thinkI felt the baby kick this morning. Seems that it may be early for that, but I'm telling you, I felt something, and it wasn't gas.

We've graduated.

Okay, how come I am officially in my second trimester( per request of Mama C-ta :) ) and I am feeling sh*##!@r than ever. I mean, look at my face in this<- picture! I couldn't even muster a real smile. Is my nose really that wide? Anyways, the morning sickness that kicks my butt at night is really kicking in. I know it's not forever,and when I finally start feeling better, I'll probably worry that something is wrong with "Tiny." So I pretty much suck it up. We have had a very busy week. I am looking forward to going to OCMD this week for some R&R. My entire family ( except for Suze and Danny... re: Suze is due to deliver Baby Roarty in 4 weeks.. no travelling for them. I hope she can hold off until next week... since she wants me in the delivery room....which is so flattering!) OCMD is a funny place. I do more there than I do at home... but there must be something in the air that just puts me at ease. Must be the salt. (??)

Also I saw Dr Landy ( OB) this past week. I got to hear " Tiny's" heartbeat on the doppler. It was amazing. he/she was in there kickin' all around. I took a deep breath and knew that everything was okay. Dr. Landy strongly advized that we tested for cystic fibrosis. So I got the bloodtest. I'll get the results in a week. My bloodsugars have been a little nutty this week. I'm starting to get annoyed. Part of the issue is that I'm just not hungry.. so my numbers are lower..and when I do eat.. they go up a little higher. Dr ratner( endocrinologist) is working on a game plan. All should be fine.. I just worry ya know.

Millie and Holden have really taken to the pool and we spend most days swimming. Yesterday we hosted a party so parker's pals from GW could all play catch up. It was fun.. kids everywhere! (9 total) At one point Holden walk into the pool. he just walked himself down the steps and proceeded to sit on the bottom. Our friend's daughter ( 8 years old) played lifeguard, and pulled a very upset Hipster out of the water. We're not sure what he was thinking... but he was fine.. just mad. OY. Do you see why I have a mini heart attack evryday?
Okay I'm off for my " bitches that brunch." I am so excited to have an afternoon to myself and play " gossip" with my grrls.

Oh no

I think I may have jinxed myself. It seems that I have been telling lots of people my news this week. People always ask " how are you feeling?"I tell the truth and say " I have been so lucky, I have had mild nausea, but nothing I can't handle. "Welp, tonight I have nausea I'm not sure I can handle. I am supposed to eat a night time snack,and I just cannot make it happen. I made myself a mini bagel with butter, and I'm having trouble swallowing each bite. YUCK. I know nausea means that everything is still developing... so I'm guessing all is well in there, but MAN I have been teased until this point. I hope I don't hurl, I need the calories from this snack I am working so hard to eat.

Ouch

Okay ~so yesterday was a good day with the kids. My friend Cathy brought her 2 peeps ( ages 5 & 3) over to play/ swim. It was so fun... until: Millie wanted to steer HIP in the fire engine boat thing... and ended up flipping him. He was face down... pinned by the boat.. with his sister trying to steer him. In a very dramatic fashion I ripped my clothes off... disconnected my pump and ran down the steps to save my drowning boy ( who actually had his face out of the water @ this point.) While I was rescuing my beloved ... I broke my toe. The toe next to my pinky toe on my left foot now looks like a big blue sausage. When Parker saw it, he said " ew." I think I'm gonna survive the trauma... I just needed to complain about it.

I have an appointment w/ Dr. Landy ( OB) today. My mom is coming down to watch MS& HIP so I don't have an elevated bloodpressure during the visit. :) Our babysitter is apparently competing in a tennis tournament and is doing very well... so she's unavailable until she takes first place. :) So my mom is saving my life and gonna stay w/the peeps today. On any other day I'd take major advantage of her being here and run a zillion errands... but the idea of hobbling around w/ my bum toe seems to painful to even consider. Looks like this friday night the Parker family will be taking a trip to the grocer as a family. :) I always laugh when I see entire families grocery shopping. I think it looks nice, but I bet they buy a lot more than necessary... I know I do . Anyways, the idea of doing stuff together is nice... until the phrase "clean up on aisle 7" has been caused my one of my family members. Then I wince.
Anyways, I'll let you know how the OB appointment goes. Hopefully I'll get to hear the heartbeat again today. I'm starting to get excited about this new baby stuff.