Friday, September 16, 2005

To treat or not to treat.

Seems that HIP's blood works showed that he doesn't have diabetes. Okay then, how come I keep getting blood sugars above 150? I asked Dr gober, and he said " I have no idea." ( plain and simple.) SO we're kinda in this place of watch and wait. Maybe HIP is just thirsty? Maybe HIP has a virus that is forcing his liver to kicked out stored glucogens? Maybe HIP actually has diabetes and it's too early to tell. ???? All of these things are possible. So it looks like only time will tell at this point.

Now for Scarlett: We saw the Radiologist yesterday. He said that Scarlett's cancers are 2 different entities and they need to be treated differently. The 2 big problems are : 1) The bone cancer is extremely painful,and she is starting to limit her movement. Stairs are a big problem, getting in and out of the car is a big problem, & sometimes walking poses some issues. Dr. Boshoven ( radiologist) said that radiation will help shrink the tumor, therefore help with the pain. BUT he won't do radiation on her because of the plural effusion. ( anesthesia would kill her) Now, there is something called a " boom boom" that is 2 huge doses of chemo back to back that will be injected into Scarlett's body cavity. The chemo will soak into the malignant cells in the fluid surrounding her chest. AS the malignant cells die off, so will the plural effusion. After the plural effusion is better, he will do the radiation. The oncologist said that this treatment would only be recommended as a way to deal with pain management, " It won't cure her." I already knew that. The oncologist said that the " boom boom" will buy her 3-4 months. The radiologist said that the radiation will get her 4-6 months. As I was sitting there trying to absorb all of this I just jumped and said " let's do this, she's in so much pain." The oncologist said " good deal, let's get moving." The oncologist discussed other pain management options like narcotics, patches, and the like, and how her quality of life MAY or MAY NOT improve w/ all the treatments. While I was at the vet.. I didn't listen to any of that, I just sat there thinking that all of these treatments were going to keep Scarlett around much longer... Then it dawned on me... All of this would be FOR US. Does Scarlett want to go through all of this just to be with us for 4 more months? Chemo and radiation suck just as much for dogs as it does for people. Here is our dilemma: If we don't do chemo and radiation... Are we giving up on our friend?If we do treat her w/ chemo and radiation, are we torturing her,just to keep her with us? I have been trying to keep a healthy outlook on this. I've been thinking things like : noone lives forever, we were lucky to have her for the 11 years we did have her... better than not at all. Thoughts like : I will miss her so much that a huge part of me will die when she passes away... And I just don't know what I am going to do without her face always looking up at me agreeing with my every word?( even when I am being really stupid or awful) Then I get back to reality and think, Scarlett was put on this Earth to make us happy and to teach us lessons, and be our companion, but her time is fading away and it is time for her to become part of the Earth. I think that I would like to cremate her and plant some of her ashes with a nice flowering tree, so she will grow up in it's branches and I can hang onto the leaves and know that I am touching a part of her+ she will be giving back to the Earth. Scarlett is such a gift. I know she is just a dog,a dog like no other... but to me she was and is the ultimate teacher and friend. I was told yesterday to start thinking of ways to say goodbye to her, and you know what? I just have no idea how do say goodbye to one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me.

2 comments:

Mama C-ta said...

I haven't cried that hard in a long time. You guys are in my prayers and I know you'll make the right choice. A tree in her honor would be wonderful. Hugs.

keri said...

Hame - I wish I knew what the right thing to say or do for Scarlett the dog, but I dont..I do smile, though, when I think about how Scarlett & I used to sit together w/her paw up on the arm of the couch (like a person..)She will always be a part of your lives...