it's been swell

Okay a few things have happened since my last post. I was in too much a of a bad mood to post last week, so I decided to wait on posting, and get my head organized.

1) Wednesday AM: official sonogram. Tiny has all of his/her parts. ( no we don't know the gender) According to the sonogram tech, " This baby has great anatomy." That is the good news. The bad news : Tiny is measuring larger than s/he should. It's about 6 days too big on a few things ( head/belly) ... which spells out : my diabetes isn't as controlled as it should be. GRRR. Okay here's the thing. It's not like I'm not trying here. I am very consious about what I eat, how often I eat and how much insulin I bolus per meal. It makes me so mad that my doctors are seeing this as me slacking off. Now, that could be me interpreting the actions I saw at each of my appointments, but I can tell you, the tone was a lot different this week than in the past. Dr. Ratner said " this is a big baby, you need to tighten up you sugars." ARG! I'M TRYING!!!!! * sigh. Like I'm not obsessed enough, now I feel like I have to start over completely.
2) Scarlett had a pretty good week. She definitely took it easy. She took the steps a lot slower, slept a lot more, and ate a lot less. We decided to take watch how she did this past week and possibly take her to the beach to just hang out in the beautiful autumn air. I loaded up the car, and off we went to OCMD. Suze, Danny, & Ginger Ale were there, as well as my mom & dad. Oh yeah, and Dotsy ( Danny's mom, who is an OC local) was there a lot of the time too. We rolled up to my parent's place @ about 11:30pm. Kids were sleeping, Ginger was nursing, all was quiet. As I got all updated on how fast Ginger was growing ( she has gained one pound in 2 weeks) and her sleeping schedule, Parker heard a thud in the other room. He quietly came in and motioned to me to come into the other room with him, where I saw Scarlett laying in a pool of vomit. Her lips were grey, her gums were almost white, and she wasn't blinking. She was breathing VERY hard. I called our oncologist's office. It was decided that Scarlett had a vegal response ( when your blood pressure drops after barfing) but most likely needed to be seen in an ER. Most likely the barfing was a result of the chemo, and she needed to get a CBC ( complete blood count) to check and see if her white blood cell count was low. All of a sudden Scarlett popped up and was walking around like nothing had happened. We all honestly thought that that "was it" for Scarlett. She looked dead. I was so sad. I didn't know what to do or say. Parker wiped her up and she drank some water. This is so hard. I spent a few hours in the OC Veterinary hospital on Saturday. The good news: Scarlett is doing MUCH better. She went for a long boat ride with us and ended up sitting on my dad's boat for almost an hour ( alone) after we returned from our outing. The outing seemed to be just what she wished for. Millicent drove my dad's boat for about 20 minutes. She was hilarious. She sat on my dad's lap all serious. We told her to steer right or left, and when to slow down. Funny how a 3 year old has the confidence to just learn a new skill. I hope she keeps that confidence, I'm sad that the majority of my life I have been cautious about learning new skills. She's my little hero. Anyways, Scarlett then joined us for a long walk around my parent's neighborhood. For now, all is well.
3) We left OC @ about 9pm on Sunday, and arrived here at about midnight. I slept for the majority fo the trip. I am totally wiped out. It seems that the walk/ the constant activity/and the 3 hour drive made my legs swell. I was terrified. I got out of the shower and noticed that my ankles were gone. HUH? Already?( 19 weeks) Flashes of pre-eclampsia popped into my head. I went downstairs and showed Parker. We were terrified together. I checked my blood pressure , which was 118/64. Good. My hands weren't swollen, my face wasn't swollen, and I wasn't having any weird abdominal pain. I had a small anxiety attack, and was calmed down after Parker read a paragraph about pre-e in one of our many pregnancy books. Dr. Ratner says I'm a candidate for Pre- eclampsia, so I am being uber cautious. My ankles were back this morning, but they are definitely bigger than they were 2 days ago. So help me... if I get pre-eclampsia, I don't want to hear a single " I told you so"... I'm already moody enough, so watch your back.