An update ... And a rant.

The update:

I saw Dr. Ratner this past week ( our computer crashed a few days ago.. So I've been without the internet for about 4 days.. Or I would have posted this earlier.) The visit was nice. The peeps joined me and I fell into pop-culture and packed my parents' portable DVD player. The kids watched Willy Wonka while I had my check up. The check up was good. My creatinine level is actually improving... and I'm passing less proteins than in the past. My blood pressure was 124/62. Pulse 70. Murmur is still going strong... and the thyroid still has a goiter.. But it's not growing. I have gained a total of 2 pounds since early June. ( Dr R assured me that that was "just fine." I was sent to see my dietician ( Cathy) and my diabetes educator ( Joan) to talk about what I am eating. Since I am on a diet that restricts me to 14 grams of proteins a day ( yep, that a total of 2 eggs) things need to radically change... For "Tiny." Cathy asked to see my records of everything I eat. After about 10 minutes of calculating she put her pen down and looked at me and said " you are supposed to eat 1,800 calories a day. You are eating about 850. Time to start pigging out." I was in awe. I said " then how in the heck have I gained ANY weight. She blamed it on blood volume and we talked about "beefing" ( w/out red meat/chicken and the like) up my diet. The kids were patient for about and hour.. Then things got a little hectic. "mom I hafta poop, poop,poop!"( jumping up and down holding his little butt) As well as," Mom, I needa nap.. Can we leave now?" ( my little snoozer girl) My meeting was over and all was well. Here's the problem: MORNING SICKNESS HAS OFFICIALLY KICKED IN. I actually drank diet ginger ale to combat the sickness.( something I didn't want to do because of aspertame) I have been feeling more run down and sicker than ever.....And I have to eat MORE? Ug. Oh well, I'll figure something out.

Okay so here's my rant: (prepare yourself.. You knew this was coming)
So I'm officially "out." I have told local friends, all of my family, and my family is telling friends. I have been so excited to tell people. Finally my dream has come true. Here's what I HATE( and you would too if you were me) It seems that when I tell people my news... The first response is: shock. ( understandably) Then it's typically: " congratulations!" Then it's: " is this okay?" Now most people leave it there. I explain the story, they listen... And all is well. The world will not end. A couple of people have felt the need to do the ol' standard horror story. I have read books, blogs, and heard people speak of the horror story... but I for some reason thought it wouldn't bother me because my head is in such a idealistic cloud. This one particular person( I call her CC~ who won't be given the address to my blog) felt the need to tell me all bout her friend ( a friend I actually know and have spoken to at length about her experiences) who has diabetes and developed Bells Palsy after her son was born. CC went on to explain all the "complications" ( weight gain... bedrest for 2 weeks... etc...) with her friend's pregnancy. I told CC that the complications described are typical with people who don't have diabetes, and that Bells Palsy is a nerve condition that is common and a risk to any woman who gets pregnant. Here's the kicker: CC has a funky uterus ( I learned about it the first day I met her) The funky uterus weakens with each pregnancy. She has been told by a perinatologist that each pregnancy will be shorter and shorter. The last pregnancy ended after the placenta ripped off at 33 weeks and she hemorrhaged. She has been told that each babe will arrive at least 4 weeks earlier than the last. She excitedly told me on Thursday "I'm gonna get pregnant in September!" ( first of all... God speed w/ that one girl.. I don't know many who can pinpoint the month they get pg)DEAL: CC is knowingly putting herself and the baby at risk so she and her husband can have a " SON." She is willingly putting herself at risk.. so her husband can " have someone to play sports with." ( is your skin crawling yet?) Here's why I'm so angry. SHE'S LECTURING ME ABOUT RISKS?... and not only that , when I left playgroup... she spoke about me and my decisions to the other playgroup mommies. She was saying things like, " Amy doesn't know what she's gotten herself into." "She has no idea how risky this is... I know because I saw my friend suffering." Now, I know I'm no better, because I am backstabbing her right now... but it's in defense. ( I know it's wrong) I just want to ask everyone a favor. Please don't make me hate you and talk about you in my blog in code. If you are going to tell a friend, please tell them that I am an intelligent person who has studied pregnancy for women with kidney disease for going on 4 years. Please tell them that I am doing remarkable well, and please tell them that if anyone has a horror story to share.. keep it to yourself. Pregancy is scary.. believe me, I know.

A total brag session

Here she is... after perfectly landing her first olly ( ollie?) Just kidding.. but it kinda looks that way huh? Seriously the child has the most awesome balance...I wouldn't put it past her to figure out a few tricks over the next coupla months. As some of you may remember, HIP started asking to learn how to skateboard a few months ago. So I buy them these little boards.. and guess who doesn't like to skateboard?( the whole instant gratification thing is BIG with this little guy.. and possibly a pair of pants... so the grip doesn't sandpaper his knees and other fragile points) Millicent on the other hand took right to it and we had trouble getting her to stop kick flipping and rail sliding along the fireplace hearth. ( ha.. another joke... those are the only 2 skateboard trick names I know... thanks to Rachel Abby @ Reach for the Beach 11 years ago) I might hafta take Millie Sue's little self up to the Gaithersburg skatepark and see if there's anyone there who can give her some cool tips. Notice the " wummer woman" tattoo on her inner arm. Millie and Holden also went to the dentist for the first time yesterday. They did and awesome job. Millie Sue even got an x-ray ( due to some tooth pain) and she sat perfectly still. The office is something out of an interior design magazine. It's called Kid's Teeth. The decor is completely modern and kid sized. The "tooth brushing station" consists of a cement countertop w/ a clear glass bowl, and this totally cool mod nickle faucet. All kid friendly. Each room is set up w/ an animal theme with really cool murals. The aquarium bowls that are set in the walls are way neato, and the sounds of the animals of the rainforests playing on the surround sound through out the joint is totally relaxing. The added touch of video games, large foam blocks and computers in the waiting room are key... and the really neat waterfall wall is a major attraction. I'm telling you I begged to have my teeth cleaned there. It was AMAZING. Dr. Alalouf must make lots of $$ to be able to set his office up like this. Not one corner was cut there, that's for sure. Anyhoo... yesterday was a big day for my "babies" who have recently informed me that they are no longer "babies" they are "big kids." Okay then.

one more thing:

I forgot to tell you, when the painter and I were done discussing the points of the job... Painter says " I don't want to be your enemy." I said you're not my enemy, I just want this done the right way." I added, "I don't get mad unless I need to." THIS GUY HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY : "I think yesterday's conversation had something to do with your pregnancy." I added, " do you need ANOTHER one ripped for you? You thought yesterday was bad? watch out." That guy commented on my pregnancy to get out of HIS own half assed mistake! Can you believe this guy! I am this close to posting his name on this blog. Commenting onmy pregnancy. What a marroon.

This guy has quite a sack on him

Just an update.. more for me than anyone else.... The painter shows up today( miracle of all miracles) and takes me on a "walk through." He points out all the rotten trim and how much it's gonna cost to replace "now" and that we are gonna have a "situation." I said " looks like it's gonna be YOUR situation since you're the one who miscommunicated
with us." He just looked at me terrified. He tried to explain that the cost would be up to 15 grand... I said, "Didn't you just do a job for a "billionaire? I'm sure the money you made from that gig will cover it." He didn't laugh. Finally I think he knew I was not going to budge on his " non-negotiable" contract. Poor painterman's rules bit him in his own butt. Who's laughin' now funny boy?

Time to start rippin' new ones

I have recently become aware that I find most people unacceptable. Not all people. My friends and family do not count. I'm not going to get into the whole story, but I RIPPED a new one for my painter this morning. After weeks of excuses and crappy carpentry done on our home, I ( just like on "A Christmas Story") let a string of obscenities fly that is still hovering over my sister's house this very minute. Suze said my face was "red" when I came back in from my scream fest. I wish I could hand everyone excuses and still get away with murder... oh and get paid too. Might as well throw in some money for my ability to tell huge lies. The reason I feel that it is important to post this is : this has everything to do with me being pregnant. In my non pregnant state I apologize if someone runs over my foot with a grocery cart... Because I was in their way or something. There is this mama lion thing happening to me these days and let me tell you I LOVE IT. According to Suze, this will all change, but for now my thoughts are so clear and to the point! I said it straight up to this painter and I do honestly think he was scared! YAY! Someone was actually scared of my power! ( meanwhile I scream at the top of my lungs after 45 minutes of begging the kids to sleep.. and all I get is snickering and laughter... and a whipsered "mommy is so angry wif us... (snicker snicker snicker.)") I seem to have this new found ability to say things that need to be said, without going off on a tangent, or embarrassing myself by insulting the person on the phone . Seriously, when do I get to slack off? When is it okay for me to feel sick and want to sleep without self loathing and guilt? Why do I always have to apologize?
Well, watch out world! For the next coupla months... if you wanna keep one " hole" I'd steer clear of the wrath. Cause this mama lion is on the prowl looking for a good fight.

Almost 10 weeks

Here's the mound @ almost 10 weeks. Again, notice the exhausted expression on my face...( my hair is lookin' a little bit poofier than I thought it looked) and the oversized stomach. I am wondering why I look so huge.. so early. & no.. I'm so so cool that I cannot part w/ my ipod... that's my pump on my hip

A day for new challenges.

I find each day more interesting than the last with this pregnancy. One of the things I learned today was : How to insert my pump infusion site w/out bleeding to death. Seems that the veins in my lower belly are becoming an issue. Today I had to maneuver my way through a map of big juicy veins that typically are not there. Usually my stomach has a nice layer of fat to make my pump infusion site insertion( say that 3 times really fast) much easier. I gotta tell ya, OUCH. I made it through. It wasn't easy, but all is well. The other thing I learned was: when we are swimming, and one of the kids says " mom I hafta poop real bad." LISTEN TO THE CHILD, instead of telling the mere baby to " go upstairs and go potty." Not only did we have a turd in the pool, we had a pile of poop on the deck for me to step in. Sometimes I wonder where my brain is.

I'm out

Okay so this weekend I pretty much outed myself to family. Parker , the kids, and I drove to West Virginia to attend his family reunion. We had planned on telling his family our news this early, because we only really see his family once a year. We wanted to "come out" in person. We got very nice responses from everyone.
Also, I told Marce, Mel, Aunt Ginny and Lulu @ the farm. I got very loving and supportive responses from everyone. It felt good to get it off my chest. Keeping this secret has been so hard.
I am still going to wait to tell friends( although I did tell the Beverly's... Since I didn't want my big ol' belly to freak them out @ Slic's baby shower) for 2 more weeks. In hindsight, 2 weeks isn't really that long. I have been feeling better about this pregnancy lately. I almost feel like I mayyy be out of the woods. I don't want to set myself up.. so I will continue to be cautious. I will say: the morning sickness has been on a steady rise over the last week... and someone PLEASE tell me what the heck I am supposed to do with these boobs? Sheesh!

The other issue: naming this kid. I am starting to think that we won't be able to name it. Parker and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on this one.It seemed easier with Millie and Holden. We are not going to find out the gender of the babe. We are also not releasing the names we have picked until the kid is born ( a little tip we picked up from Mama C-ta.. thanks Cara! That was a good one) We will however be telling peole that if the baby is a boy we will name him " Bill." If the baby is a girl, we will name her " Hillary." So far, not too many peole have picked up on the Clinton reference... but the people who did pick up on it laugh and laugh. I will tell you one thing. This child will not be named George W.

a 1/2 hour scheduled appointment = 3 hours

okay~ so here's the belly. 8 weeks 4 days. As Keri put it: it's a "round mound" I look like I could pass out at any minute in this picture. Which is probably pretty accurate, since I could pass out every single night. Instead I just go to bed. Anyways, see why Millie Sue and Holden talk about the baby in mommy's belly? SO there you go.

I had an appointment with Dr. Ratner today. Everything looks good. He had me sit down with 2 nurse educators and a dietician for 2 hours. I will have a follow up visit with a dietician on Tuesday morning. Dr. R thinks I mayyyy be having insulin reactions in the middle of the night. great! How will I fall asleep tonight w/out freaking out? I have to set my alarm and check my sugar @ 3am and 5 am. I am exhausted.. so I think I'll post more interesting stuff tomorrow... after I drive back to Eastern Market to drop off my 24 hour urine. I gotta go upstairs and find a shirt that covers my " mound." Yawwwnnnnnn. More tomorrow.

My first OB visit

Today marks it: it's official, I'm 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I have been seen by my perinatologist ( yes, the most fabulous Dr. Landy) and she said, " everything looks just beautiful." My bloodpressure was 100/63. My blood sugar was 103. Dr. Landy did another sonogram and there was "Tiny" kicking & punching all around! She said " from what I can tell, the baby looks just great." SHEWWWWW! Now here's the hard part: After the clinical visit, I visited with Dr. Landy in her office to "discuss" our future plans. She said I didn't have to have a C section.. IF the baby was measuring small enough . Apparently I will be receiving 2 sonograms a week from week 30 - week40. ( so much for the ol "sonograms cause deafness" myth. We'll see if that comes true in 31 weeks . :) Dr. Landy approved that Parker and I " act married" again. .. but there are risks... so be gentle.:)) She is very concerned about the possibility of the babe developing cystic fibrosis. Reason: babies of diabetics... And babies of Jews are at higher risk for developing Cystic fibrosis. The other awesome thing: Babies of diabetics can be prone to Spina Bifida. Alright!!! Now do you know why I have anxiety attacks? I do know however, that every parent has to worry about birth defects, so I guess every parent knows that morning sickness isn't caused by hormones.. It's FEAR!!!! ( "they" don't tell you that.. so people continue to procreate) So ~ back to "Tiny." Tiny was doing a little dance in there. I saw arms and legs... And a head.. And a wee tiny butt. I was mesmerized by this little person. I kept thinking, " who are you in there?" It's funny how I feel like the baby is a stranger. I do not know this person. I love this person, even though he/she is a stranger. I am wondering if this distance is being caused by the fact that I am terrified that I am still going to miscarry. OHHH why do other people make this look so easy? I see people so happy about being pregnant. It seems so natural on everyone else... why do I just feel like a portal? Does this get easier in the second trimester?
I spoke with my mom today to see How Millie Sue and Holden were doing. Mom spoke of HIP's fear of spiders... and how Millie Sue tried her best to explain that spiders are more scared of people than people are scared of spiders. HIP didn't agree. Poor little guy. I'm gonna get one more little update on my sweet babies... and hit the sack early.

I always knew I was weird

Okay, so it happened. I freaked out that I am pregnant. In an exhausted state I decided to look up what a baby in the 9th week looks like. The picture freaked me out. Why you ask? Oh because the baby LOOKS like a baby now. You know, it moves and it has a head and ears, and arms and legs and stuff. The baby now pees, and is moving all over the place. Most people would be thrilled to take the plunge into fetushood... but NO not me. I flipped out. I sat there thinking " ewwwwww... there is a person in me! ew ew ew!" I threw myself into such a panic attack that I wasn't sure ifI was panicking or my night sickenss was starting to actually feel like night sickness. I sat by the toilet shivering for about 45 minutes. Every time I spoke or moved I felt weak or sick. It was awful. I kept thinking , " what kind of person thinks pregnancy is weird? Welp, me. Ya see back in the old days where I was treated as infertile, one of the only ways to suffocate my dreams of every being pregnant, was to trick myself into thinking that growing a baby in you own stomach was freaky. I imagined feeling the baby moving and not liking it. I imagined that being pregnant was a chore. I imagined that if I ever got pregnant, I would hate it. Clearly all ways to get over the fact that my dreams would never come true, and to stop wishing for the impossible. I called my mom. ( who had my kids due to my 3 doctor's appointments this week... and our good babysitter is on vacation) I talked to her about how Millie and Holden were doing, and what they did with their day. It took my mind off the fact that I felt like I was dying, and relaxed me enough to fall asleep. Poor Parker, he turned 35 yesterday... all he got was : a crappy day @ work( phones didn't work all day) 3 outfits from me that didn't fit ( too small.... which is horrible on your birthday) and the worst mosquito bites any the planet has ever seen ( while eating crabs for his birthday dinner) These mosquito bites were so bad that his hands and feet are still completely swollen. His hands feel like there is fluid built up on the top of them. Oh and the best birthday gift of all: a panic attacked wife who didn't want him to touch her AT ALL... It is time for me to be in the second trimester... you know, so Parker and I can ACT married again. ( wink wink) I think I might need to put a call into my shrink. A night like last night cannot happen again.

sniff sniff

As I have stated before, due to my new stature ( a rounder lower abdomen than usual) My 2 astute children have taken notice... and deduced that I wouldn't just get round for no reason.. I MUST have a baby in there. Holden asks daily if I have a baby in my "tummy", and Millie Sue kisses my stomach and says " I' m kissing my baby." I have not told the children outright that I am expecting. They have just figured it out. If you saw me, you would know why. ( when I figure out how to put pictures on this blog... it will be easier to see the descriptions, but for now: bear with me.) My mom and Suze haven't seen my stomach yet... andI was rather excited to show them. I distinctly remember when Suze was pregnant with Millie Sue and Holden, how excited she was when she popped. I also remember with her current pregnancy, that she was elated that she was showing early in her pregnancy... and joking about how she was " embarassed" that she was showing so early...when really she was THRILLED... as she should have been. This is all supposed to be exciting... and no person on this Earth has the ability to pop my bubble... except for my mother. Given my history of restrictions and diabetes complications, my mom has every right to be cautious. If I were in her shoes I would be cautious as well. Today she was not cautious. She was mean. As my mom and Suze walked in the door to see my family and my new found belly, Holden ran up to them and cheered with delight, " Mommy has a baby in her tummy!!!!!" My mom in her attempts to keep it a secret blurts out, " NOOOOOO Mommy doesn't have a baby in her belly, Aunt Suze does!!! hahahaha!!!" (while she rubbed Suze's stomach.) My poor stunned son didn't know what to do other than run away yelling " I'm not going to kiss you !"( and slammed the door to the playroom) My mom stood there saying something I can't remember ( because I was too hurt) and I said " I'm not going to lie to the boy.. if he asks me I will tell him the truth." She said " well you just don't want people to find out now... it's too early." I KNOW THAT!!! I AM NOT STUPID!!! ( breathe... breathe...)It was at that moment that I decided that unless she asks... I am not going to tell her a smidge about this pregnancy. NADA. I will not have my feelings hurt like that AGAIN. I don't mean to make my mom look awful, because she's not. She's wonderful. She is trying so hard to be supportive, but she's scared. I understand... but my feelings are hurt. It's that simple. I am hyper-sensitive. Sometimes ( even without pregnancy hormones) I take everything said to me the wrong way. I know this was a misunderstanding. It just so happens that this particular misunderstanding, made me very sad, when I really only wanted to feel happy.

uh oh.

I saw Dr. Ratner today. My A1c is down to 6.1 ( from 7.5 a month ago) Dr. Ratner was very proud of me. He said my blood pressure was "great, just great." ( 128/63) My creatinine clearance( Creatinine is a protein produced by muscle and released into the blood. The amount produced is relatively stable in a given person. The creatinine level in the serum is therefore determined by the rate it is being removed, which is roughly a measure of kidney function. If kidney function falls (say a kidney is removed to donate to a relative), the creatinine level will rise. Normal is about 1 for an average adult. Infants that have little muscle will have lower normal levels (0.2). Muscle bound weight lifters may have a higher normal creatinine. Serum creatinine only reflects renal function in a steady state. After removing a kidney, if the donor's blood is checked right away the serum creatinine will still be 1. In the next day the creatinine will rise to a new steady state (usually about 1.8). If both kidneys were removed (say for cancer) the creatinine would continue to rise daily until dialysis is begun. How fast it rises depends on creatinine production, which is again related to how much muscle one has. A baby may need dialysis when the creatinine reaches 2, whereas a normal adult may be able to hold off until 10, or higher. ( The creatinine clearance test compares the level of creatinine in urine with the creatinine level in the blood, usually based on measurements of a 24-hour urine sample and a blood sample drawn at the end of the 24-hour period. Clearance is often measured as milliliters/minute (ml/min). My creatinine clearancce was .6 ( the same as a person's creatinine level without kidney disease) My cholesterol was down to 117. All was perfect.. well except the 4 pounds I gained. OH NO! Say it isn't so! I can't believe it. I have weighed in the low 120's for years. The last time I was there I weighed 127. Now= 131?? wha??????? How??? I hardly eat! I feel like booting all the time! Dr. Ratner wasn't upset, he said it was probably caused by "treating hypoglycemia." (ie: eating so much peanut butter and drinking so much milk, I have gained weight quickly. :( boo hiss. The other thing that mayyyy be happening is : since I have been bleeding,I was told that I was probably "doing too much, and take it easy for awhile."SOOO I have probably cut my excersize regime ( chasing the children all over creation) in half.( if not more) GREAT! Here I thought that I was kickin' butt w/ my diet. I have switched to skim milk, I eat cottage cheese for breakfast, I eat spinach for dinner almost nightly, I have been eating dried fruit and nuts for snacks, melon for dessert, not one soda, ( just 3 liters of water a day)no processed foods,no chips, no fried foods, a little bit of ice cream here and there, but mostly fresh fruit popsicles, & to top it off.. I haven't had ONE pudding ( my guilty pleasure) since I found out I was pregnant. So, I clean up my diet, and I gained weight? I am so frustrated! I think I can start walking this week since the bleeding has slowed way down. Dr. Ratner said " you will not gain one pound more than 25 pounds during this pregnancy. If you do, I will make you lose weight while you are pregnant." I'm in my 8th week, and already I'm on a diet.I did notince in the mirror ast night that my face was looking a little rounder. Ahh back to my high school face... ROUND. I was just starting to get used to my chin. Sigh... When you see me , instead of saying hello, just say "oink."

pop!

Um, I'm not sure if my 4 pound weight gain has anything to do with this, but it seems that I have "popped." I noticed over the weekend that my mid section was well, bigger. Holden asked me " mom, do you have a baby in there or something?" I just smiled... while he rubbed my belly and said... " there's a baby in Mommy's belly, just like Aunt Suze has a baby in HER belly!"
Today at the kids' swimming lessons my friend Brandi said , " um Ame, you popped." & pointed to my belly. I asked her if my belly looked liek this last week. She looked me dead inthe eye and said : "N-O." Great ! I'm only in my 8th week! I have tried to suck it in.. with no avail. My jeans are too tight even for the ol' rubberband trick. I KNOW this is gas or something because my raspberry sized baby surely wouldn't make my stomach look like this. How am I gonna keep this a secret for 4 more weeks?

Happy birthday to me

So this birthday isn't panning out the way I'd like.

Yesterday I spent the day doing laundry and pretty much relaxing while I planned our trip to OCMD for the 4th of July festivities. Something I look forward to each year. Holden was scheduled to see his orthopedist yesterday, so Parker and I decided that we would leave for the beach today, instead of try to rush pack and sit in 6 hours of traffic with 2 potty trained 3 year olds.
HIP's Dr's appointment was okay. Dr. Mazer put a shoulder harness on Holden to hold his shoulders in place while his collarbone tries to build up scar tissue ... to hold the bone still. See, HIP's collarbone actually moves now. Push on your collarbone right now... it doesn't move does it? Holden's wiggles all over the place when you push on it. The issue here is that there is a major artery behind this bone that if touched by a moving collar bone, will cause 1 of 2 things: a stroke or a heart attack. 2 things everyone wants to hear when they are at the doctor's office waiting to hear the typical " let's just watch this." I left the appointment feeling okay about HIP's treatment. I called Parker who immediately got angry that I didn't get a second opinion before putting a harness ( that has to stay in place for a week) on the boy... if a harness wasn't the treatment a PEDIATRIC orthopedist would recommend. Being that I am not confrontational... I don't know how to get a second opinion... since Dr. Mazer is " studying" HIP's x-rays. I'm afraid to say " I need those films... so I can go ask someone who knows what the he!# they are talking about." Parker on the other hand seems to think that I " don't care" about the boy's care... so I settled for this treatment option. In Parker's defense, I did tell him that I would call a different Orthopedist... I just never got around to it.. and now it's too late.. the kid is being treated. I just hate to queston authority. I know. Don't go there.. it's just how I am: blinded by trust. I mean, if the guy wanted to challenge me on a glaze recipe for a nice sky blue engobe, or how much grog I would put in a sculpture stoneware body.. by all means: bring it on! Treatment for my son's rare injury ( so rare this doctor has never seen it in a child) I'm not going to argue. Parker is right for wanting a second opinion. I just wish with every cell in my body that he wouldn't say " you don't care" because he couldn't be farther away from the truth. I know he is frustrated with me, but the way he is handling himself hurts my feelings.

The kid's wanted a snack.. .and I wanted to look for a new table for the deck ( since the wind blew over our glass one last week) so, I decided to stop off @ Target. While sitting in the Pizza hut/Taco Bell/miscellaneous snack bar ( a place that skeeves me out) Parker called me to reem( sp?) me out again for not getting a second opinion. I told him I understood, but I was backed into a corner @ this point. I gave him Dr. Gober's ( the world's most awesome/old school pediatrician) #, so he couldspeak to someone for himself. Millie had to go potty. We all went potty, but for me it wasn't as exciting... because again, my underware was filled with blood. Yes people, it was 5:45 on a friday evening. The blood was " old blood" but there was tons of it. I rushed the kids to the car w/ the happiest face I could muster, and put a call into Dr. Landy ( perinatologist) She called back almost immediately. While the kids SCREAMED the alphabet song, she explained that my sonogram a few days ago showed no stress on the baby, and this was most likely cause by the old hemmorhage from implantation. She told me that it would be okay to travel, but I was putting myself @ the mercy of the OCMD area hospitals. She told me to just see how I did over night. If I had any more bleeding, cramping, or dizziness, probably I needed to stay home, in case she needed to see me. Welp, guess who is still bleeding, almost fainted last night, and currently has lower abdominal cramps? Yep.. it's me, the birthday girl. I'm not sure I should travel this weekend. I know Parker is going to be so upset. I guess he could take the kids to see his Parents, & I could stay here. I know he needs to see his parents, they get so excited to see MS & HIP. I also know they would be so upset if I cancelled for a mysterious reason. ( they don't know about "Tiny Parker" yet) I don't know what is going to happen here. But I do know this: it's only 8 am.. and my birthday already sucks.