Somebody pinch me.

For those of you who know me, you know that our reproductive past was well, anything but typical. A little re-cap for those of you who may have forgotten: 11 years ago, a doctor told me that I would never be able to get pregnant. Due to my brittle diabetes & the progression of my failing kidneys, pregnancy would put an unecessary burden on my body, and put the baby at high risk. Opinion after opinion seemed to tell us that maybe we should listen to the professionals, and consider some different options. Since we live in a fabulously modern world, Parker and I, with the help of my awesome sister Susan, decided to give gestational surrogacy a "go." After 2 failed cycles of IVF @ a local fertility center, & an emotionally drained Amy, we decided to persue a domestic adoption. After the birthmother we supported for months decided to keep the baby, Parker and I went through what I can only imagine felt the same as mourning the death of a baby. Fear of being childless was setting in... but we refused to give in. We decided that we would try yet another round of IVF, but this time, use a donated egg... so there was no risk of the biological mother keeping the baby, and Parker would be the biological father. We visited a new fertility Center. Our new Doctor told us that using a donated egg was probably unecessary, and that he didn't want to force us into anything because he understood the rollercoaster of IVF, but he was sure he could get my eggs to work. Sure enough, a few months later My sister Susan, Parker, Suze's boyfriend Danny and I cried our eyeballs out when we finally heard " congratulations!" after 4 years & our 3rd pregnancy test. A few weeks later, a viable twin pregnancy was confirmed. I am not using this board to discuss surrogacy, or it's effects, but I will tell you this: anyone who says " I'd carry a baby for my sister" has NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.. because let me tell you, surrogacy is harder that you think, just ask Suze. @ 27 weeks and a few days, our twins were born. 5 intestinal surgeries, & 11 weeks later, our twins were brought home from the hospital, perfectly tiny, ( Millie Sue 3# 10 oz, Holden 4# 5oz) but perfectly healthy.3 1/2 years have since past. Life has been crazy. Ups and downs and everything inbetween. One thing that never waivered was that Parker and I knew we wanted a big family, and my desires to carry were still as strong as ever. I started hinting to my doctors that I might be interested in getting pregnant. I started paying close attention to my bloodsugars. I started charting everything I ate. I spoke w/ my awesome endocrinologist, Dr. Robert Ratner. http://www.spotlighthealth.com/common/about_us/med_Team/medTeamDetail.asp?id=21 Dr. Ratner assured me that pregnancy was possible, if I followed HIS rules. Rules : I was not to attempt getting pregnant until he approved my glyco hemoglobin A1C, ( a blood test that shows my bloodsugar control over the past 3 months) approved my bloodpressure off 3 of my meds, told me that I would use his team of specialists, assured me that I would be seeing him monthly until I got pregnant, after 20 weeks I would see him weekly, after 20 weeks, I would see him @ least 2 times a week, if not more. Now, add in visits to the nephrologist ( kidney specialist) & the perinatologist just as often, adn you have yourself a full time job.Parker and I thought his rules were reasonable. I was almost convinced. The next 3 months proved to me that I am able to control this disease. I pulled my A1C down from 8.5 to 7.5 in 3 months. 7.5 is Dr. Ratner's cut off. a 7.5 A1C lowers the risk of birth defects to the same level as anyone else ( with or without diabetes) trying to get pregnant. Dr. Ratner gave us the " green light." Something weird happened to me that day. The void in my abdomen that I had grown so accustomed to feeling, disappeared. For the first time in my life I had the ability to make a decision for my body. I could have said, " ya know, this pregnancy thing isn't for me " and that would have been fine, it was MY decision. ( along with Parker's support of course) For the first time I felt connected to me as a woman. I know.. you think that's weird, but it's the truth. I was no longer an alien. I no longer had to think about pregnancy as an out of body experience. I could connect to the idea of having someone grow inside of me, not a rented uterus.I was nervous about getting pregnant. I was nervous about not being able to make a baby. I was nervous I was going to get impatient after many months of trying.. and continue to harbor jealousy for anyone who was able to get pregnant, easily or not.On June 10th 2005 at 11:00 am, I found out : I am pregnant.The morning sickness, headaches, exhaustion,& constant trips to the bathroom are all things I have waited to feel for 8 years. I'm still so early I am trying not to get my hopes up. I know how it feels to lose a baby, so I don't want to set myself up quite yet.We got pregnant on our first try. We are so lucky. I wouldn't trade our past experiences for the world, they made me who I am today: strong. I am thrilled to be 5 weeks pregnant. Now, let's make it to 6.