I MUST chill

I woke up this morning with some good, healthy, morning sickness. As mush as I felt like crap, I was thrilled to still feel pregnant. Mom spent the night here last night so we could go run a bunch of errands in preparation of Suze's baby shower. Mom and I chased Millie and Holden around a stationary store for a while, found what we needed and returned to our house. My morning sickness was getting stronger, so I decided to eat some lunch. A lunch I'm not sure I will ever eat again. This particular lunch consisted of a bowl of Grandma Morgan's potato salad ( something I have been craving for a week now... and something that is so delicious it is worth all the time consumption.) & a cream cheese, baby spinach, green onion and vine tomato wrap. I gave myself a good dose of insulin and the kids and I were on our way. I was scheduled to have my beta count taken again, since I found out that I was pregnant before I actually missed my period. I took the peeps, drove across town, made it the office in the nick of time. ( which is tough w/ Millie & Holden.. since they hafta do everything by " demselves.") I got my blood drawn.. and we were off to the Pharmacy ( our very special pharmacy... who are a degree of seperation in Millie & Holden's birth story.. ie: they sold us the fertility drugs. This pharmacy is so much like family.. that even when a particular little long haired boy steals a roll of lifesavers, they laugh and tease ... not ever ever ever get angry. The kids and I returned home after many errands... and they napped, big time. I checked my sugar, which was 200. High for me these days. So , I bolused 1 unit of insulin in my pump, and life went on. After the big nap was over, the kids and I attended a farewell party for a neighbor. I bolused 2 units, and ate some crackers and cheese, and a handful of raw baby carrots. An hour later I checked my sugar, and the monitor read 510. 510?!! Fears of killing my embryo raced through my head. I was convinced that I was going to miscarry... and threw myself into a private anxiety attack while my kids played " baby bear" with some neighborhood kids. I re-checked my sugar 5 minutes later and it read 300.. which is still awful.. but hey, WAY better than 510. ( oh yeah, for those of you who don't know.. normal range of bloodsugar for a non diabetic is 80-120... which is my current goal, being preggers and all) I bolused 2 units...and waited.. tick tock tick tock... checked again... 250.. bolused 1 unit... waited... re checked... 230.... bolused 1 unit... and when I got he kids in bed.. re-checked... 34. WHAT??? 34???!!! come on! Luckily ( & here's the reason I am posting today) my nurse educator, Laurie was online on AOL. I sent her a panicked IM. She talked to me for a half an hour telling me that things are okay.. and the babe is fine.. since my sugars have been so great lately. She taught me to lok @ the whole picture... not an isolated event. She told me that I am doing the bestI cna do..and to keep up the good work. She is wonderful and soothing and smart... and kind...always there ( even when I was being silly after I got my tattoos and I was freaked out) and do you get my point?? It's people like Laurie and all the awesome Doctors/nurses/medical professionals willing to work with me that prove that there are actually people out there who love their jobs enough to help a panick attacked girl @ 10pm. I always feel bad after a time like tonight. I wish there was something I could do for Laurie, but she says it's her pleasure to help, and she's available whenever I need her. I wish I could help someone the way Laurie helps me... and the rest of her patients.