Be still my heart attack

Yesterday marks the second longest day of my life. The first longest day was the day of Millie's second surgery, ewww weee that was a long one!

As stated in my panic blog ( that for some reason posted 3 times.. sorry I'm new to the blogging world.. I'm sure I did something funky..) while shopping @ the grocery store.. I went to the bathroom and noticed that my pad was filled with red blood. I was absolutely convinced that this was the end. I called my ob nurse and stated, " I am scared." Donnie ( nurse) quickly scheduled me a sonogram appointment. She said " your beta levels are so strong, and your progesterone levels are great, I can't imagine this would be anything other than a broken blood vessel... but let's check it out anyway." I stressed the day away waiting. As stated in an earlier post, Holden has an injured collarbone. The poor little guy has shown increased pain and has realy started guarding the left side of his body. I had an appointment to have him evaluated by an orthopedist @ 1:30. ( my sonogram appointment was for 3.. I knew I was pushing it.. but I couldn't miss either thing) I dropped Millie off @ my friend Brandi's house ( who I owe big time since she's watched my kids 2 times this week) and booked to the Orthopedist's office. I missed a turn.. so that made us 5 minutes late. ( stress) I filled out a short novel's worth of info on the Hipster while he ran around the office slapping high fives w/ this totally cool guy who was waiting to be seen as well. ( I still think this guy is cool.. eventhough he was making fun of Holden's name: " Holden? Now that's a mouthful for a little guy isn't it?" ) We were ushered back to an exam room @ 2:30. Holden had to pee... so we quickly went to the bathroom ( down the hall) 5 minutes after returning from the bathroom, HIP had to poop. I told him " you hafta hold it pal, the doctor could be here @ any minute. " HIP's response, " I'm gonna poop in my pants mom, come on wet's go!" as he dragged me out of the office. My cell phone began to ring while we were in the bathroom. On the line was a very frazzled Parker. " Where are you?? I am freaking out, you HAVE to leave.. you HAVE to get this sonogram.. WALK OUT!" I understood his concern, but the kid we already have is in pain and I am worried.. if worst came to worst I'd go to the hopstial. I returned to the office where the doctor met me in the exam room. Turns out, poor little HIP has a rare condition. When HIP fell, his collar bone was forced over top of another bone in his neck. The part that has us all freaked is : this cannot be fixed. "fixing an injury like this is too risky. There is a series of fragile bloodvessels around these bones that if the injury is forced to heal.. . the bloodvessels could break and cause HIP to bleed." I noticed my cell phone lighting up over and over again... poor Parker was having a mild stroke. The Doctor added " just don't let him fall down for a few weeks." ( wha????????? don't let him fall? This child falls more before breakfast than average people do in a week!) I was stunned w/ the outcome of this visit. I looked @ the clock: 3:15 .I scooped up the boy.. ran to my car and attempted to call the radiology clinic. I could not dial because Parker was calling over and over again. I tried to just dial and I couldn't get through. In my most stressed state I answered and said " STOP CALLING ME.. I AM TRYING TO CALL THE RADIOLOGY LAB." Parker didn't get the point. As I tried to stumble through a conversation with the totally nice receptionist, the call waiting beeps were making things tough. She explained that they were booked, and couldn't fit me in. I begged, " is there anywhere else I could go?" She checked... there was one other lab, but it was 30 minutes in the opposite direction. She said " get here as fast as you can sweetie.. we'll see what we can do." I hyperventilated myself through 4 miles of stopped traffic on 270... and again made a wrong turn.. putting me 3 miles in the opposite direction. ARGG! Parker was now officially having a coronary. He talked me throught he directions in the calmest voice he could muster. I found him flagging me down like an air traffic controller... actually pointing me to a parking spot in very EXAGGERATED ARM gestures. " (both arms at full extention parrallel... hands pointed... standing in front of a spot... pointing pointing pointing!) I open the door of the van.. and the trashcan falls out, spilling crap all over the parking lot. I said " leave it!" and we booked into the office. The awesome people @ this office shooshed me back pretty much the second we walked in the door. The stress was settling in. I knew I was still bleeding. I emptied the 32 ounces of water they told me to drink for the sonogram, and got myself all propped up on the table. The lady handed me the transvaginal speculum and said " My name is Marley, we should knew each other before we go here." I giggled... and did my job. ( wink) Marley studied the sitch for me for a few minutes. It was silent. I was so scared. She finally said" I see a perfectly formed gestational sac." I said, okay. I had to beg the question, " what is a gestational sac?" I needed to hear "egg yolk." She said " everything we need to see, including this," and she turned the screen to face me. There was the heartbeat. There it was: a strong heartbeat in the middle of my wee tiny croissant. Amazing, in just 3 days how much had changed. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. She said, "the reason you are bleeding is because you have a small hemmorhage ... probably caused by implantation. We see this all the time." I thanked her profusely and went out to the waiting room where I was wondering how I was going to explain to Parker that I saw a heartbeat, and he didn't. Poor guy, didn't get to feed Millie or Holden their first bottles, and he was pretty much distanced during Suze's pregnancy with Millie and Holden. He wasn't even allowed inthe delivery room. He finally had a chance to start over.. and the bag of cells in my uterus that wasn't supposed to have a visibale heartbeat for 10 more days... has a very strong ticker. I was heartbroken for him. He was sad... but happy that everything was okay. As we walked to our cars Holden asked , " what's that?" ( pointing to the sonogram piture) I said " this is our blastocyst." he said " oh, I ate a lollipop at the doctor's office." We all smiled, for the first time that day.