Holden's phrase of the day:

When Millie and Holden were getting ready to get in the car this morning, Holden was trying to tell me something. Millie kept interrupting. Holden said ," Millie stop ruding me!!!"

I couldn't stop laughing. What a way with words.

D-word

That's right friends... it is time for Parker and Me to go on a big fat life changing, size changing diet. Millie said to me today: " Mom, when you sit like that, you look like you have a baby in your tummy." WHAAAAAA???? HolyCRAP! I do? Is it that bad? I know I've gained some weight, but to look pregnant WHEN I AM NOT is a bad thing. One of Parker's clients told him that he was bigger than he was the last time he saw him. I mean seriously, who says that? So I am going to have to get my act together and start eating better. Maybe ice cream all the time is a bad thing? Maybe I am ravenous because I am still nursing G. Maybe it's the side effect of one of the meds I am on. I haven't battled my weight since MS & HIP were born... if anything I worried that I was too thin at times.. but to look pg when I am not is clearly an eye opener to a healthier lifestyle. Now that I take special notice I need help with my gut,arms,legs, and large ass. Problem is: I don't seem to have the time. I know I should get up earlier... walk/run/ eat a sensible breakfast ( one that doesn't involve chocolate pudding perhaps?) have healthy meals and snacks ( that don't involve cheese and dried spiced meats) I think I can do this without going on a diet per se... maybe a lifestyle change? I hate this. I never sit down. I never relax... there's gotta be perks to that. I guess not. Anyone know a free personal trainer?

Quarantine

Someone slap a big "S" on our front door... HIP has strep throat and Scarlet fever. Scarlet Fever you say? Yes Scarlet Fever. Seems that after a weekend of swimming and reunioning with my family, Holden abruptly developed a sore throat and a high ever. 2 Days later, HIP's face was swollen and very red. I didn't notice the tell-tale " white mustache" under his nose that is a dead give away. Luckily it's not 1900...and we have antibiotics to help prevent HIP from deafness,blindness, and death. Parker said, "Scarlet Fever made Helen Keller go deaf and blind." Way to jump to the worst case scenario, Pal. Always looking at the bright side of life. ;) .
Anyways, I'm just sending a shout out that if you need to come over to opur place, call before you come over, or you'll be sorry.

summertime

Welp, it's been a busy summer so far. Not unlike most summers of course. Remember when summertime was boring? Remember when you would wake up, wander to the kitchen for some breakfast of english muffins and jam, finish up and head to the couch for some good down home cartoon watchin? After the complete boredom became painful, you headed to your room and slipped into your bathing suit and off to the pool you went with your mom, sister, and cousins for an entire day of crazy dives off the diving board, and endless games of marco polo. Well, if you're anything like me, you grew up and had kids. Woosh! There went the boredom ... right out the window... headed straight to the little kid down the street. Oh man... why did my boredom have to leave me? This summer has been a little different than most for a couple of reasons. 1) Ms & HIP are almost 6... when they are out of sight, it's not quite as urgent. 2) Since my sis graduated from grad school, and she isn't starting her job until the fall, she suggested heading to the beach for the summer. Hmmm,let's think. Stay at my parents place where the groceries and meals are paid for, the rent is cheap ( hugs and kisses for Beanie and Papa whenever they ask) and a village of help from my family. Let's think... tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.. ding! Sure I'm there. Does it have to end in August? Can we extend the stay until let's say, FOREVER? I'm so spoiled rotten at this point, I may even have to ask if it's possible. Summering at the beach for more than a week is different than I thought. It's like being home, but with a view and a lot more to do. Nap schedules still apply. Nightime routines are as important.. even if it is pushed back an hour or 2. Here's where it gets tough:Gus. Gus is a little difficult these days. First off: he can talk. So when he wants something he says it for an hour... even if he gets it when he first asks. A perfect example of this is nursing on demand. GOOD LORD . " Mommy, boob? Boob Mommy? Mom, boob.... Ame? da boob? Amyyyyyy, boob? Mommy? Mommy? Mommeeeeeeeeheeeeeewaaaaaaaaboobmommy? It's exhausting. No shirt stays on. No turtleneck is high or tight enough for him to gain access to my tired nipples. I am not complaining .. really I'm not. I LOVE nursing him. It is our special time. I love to watch him latched on and gulping happily while he kicks me in the chin and giggles. He sings, talks and does all kinds of yoga moves while he is nursing. The biggest problem now is that I'm the only one who gets to give him this kind of happiness. I know his daddy would love to have a go at bringing him unprecedented bliss... but alas, Dady's nips don't hold the golden ticket. Gus' nursing has become a little bit of a problem. I am the only one who can get him into bed... and after a full day ( starting sometimes @ 6:30 ish) by the time it is bedtime... I am pooped. Somewhere along the lines, I developed narcolepsy . Last night, I fell asleep when I was talking on the phone with my mom! I haven't slept a full night in a big girl bed in 9 months. I haven't hung out with my hubs for what seems like years because I fall asleep nursing and wake up @ 1am dazed and confused abotu where the night went. Sadly... I think the only way to solve this problem is to wean. Gus certainly does not want to wean, that's fer sure... but when I commited to attachment parenting.... I never ever ever thought I would detatch from the rest of my family and life. Gus has become the center of my universe based on 2 things: My boobs. This isn't healthy. I want to get my life back. Maybe watch a TV show? Go out to a bar and listen to music? Sit down and not fall asleep? Drive without having to blast the air conditioner and the music ( good thing I have that Clutch CD..... you know who you are!) so I don't fall asleep at the wheel. I don't even know how to begin this process. I know it will be hard, but it has to be done. I'll let you know how it goes.

grrrrr woof woof

We are happy to announce that our little pup arrived last week. He is happy and healthy and from what we can tell... colicky.

Chatterbox

• Since I have slacked off entirely on the blogging gig...I thought I'd jump back in and update everyone on our baby man.( like the good ol' days) Our little Gus is quite a chatterbox. I have to say the only time he is quiet is when he is sleeping. His current vocabulary consists of:Mom, ( me) Mama,( people in general)Dada,Mi-ie( Millie) Huh( Holden) Boo Boo ( Ruby Jones) All done ( holding his hands palms up) un, doo, eeeee! ( 1,2,3!) Atchoo! OW! Uh uh,( while pointing his little finger) Boo? ( my favorite.. he points to my boob and looks at me and says Boo?) More more more ( while signing) eese( please) Pita pitaaa( pizza pizza.... just like the Little Caesars commercials) poo( pool) bah( ball) Daaaa( dog, or any 4 legged friend, for that matter) Hi!! ( to anyone he sees) Heyo peeple( hello people: while talking on the phone) Wha's sat? Uh oh, and most recently : NO! ( ohhh how I love that one) Gus is very outgoing. He loves to go shopping and play with other kids. This past week I signed him up for school. SCHOOL ???you say... at 18 months? Let me tell you: Gus doesn't have any friends who are his age. He's smack in the middle of older and younger kids ( except for my niece.. but she lives an hour away.) Millie and HIP were in a playgroup when they were 12 months. Gus' one friend moved. (sniff sniff) I feel like he needs some socializing. Back to the school. Yes. It is a 2 -4 day a week ( depending on how often we think he needs to go) 3 hours each day in a Montessori toddler community. I am totally in love with it. Everything is tiny, including the wee little working oven and stove. The owner/ teacher is a parent at Millie and Holden's school. She is lovely... and sweet and caring and everything I have missed since the kids left their old nursery school. The school provides 2 Montessori teachers who are specifically trained in infant/toddler environments. There is a lady who walks around cleaning up all the spills, changing diapers, and helping the kids wipe their little faces. Then the owner does music/movement and storytime. Their snacks are organic and in true Montessori fashion, self serve. They have a huge aquarium filled with large goldfish and a turtle. She also has 2 finches and a bearded dragon ( named Speedy... and Gus LOVED him. He was holding him and wouldn't let go.) They have 2 little playgrounds, a garden, & a pond with fish in it and a waterfall. If I were 18 months old, I'd definitely want to play there a couple of times a week. He will learn social skills, practical life skills, paint, stamp, watch animals, cook, clean and play. I am so glad I found this little school. I know he will love it. I know he will use all of his words and learn new ones in the process.

we're expecting

Yeah ,yeah, I know, I don't write, I don't call. I have fallen off the face. I'm not even sure people are reading this anymore. One the slim chance that there is anyone left out there. We have some news: We're expecting again. No, not a human baby, a dog baby. Yes indeedy, in 3 short weeks an 8 week old whippet puppy will be flying in from Ohio. I'm having some slight deja vu, as this is the same thing that happened when we were waiting for Scarlett. Let me start from the beginning: After Scarlett died I declared that no other dogs would enter my life again. Losing Scarlett was just like losing a child to us. Why would I want to set myself and my family up for loss again? After talking to a neighbor, my mind was changed. She simply said," Never say never, maybe there is a dog in the future waiting to be your best friend. Just think, if you close the door, you'll never know." She is a very wise lady. Fast forward to December of 2006. I started thinking about getting a family friendly dog. Maybe it would be okay if we gave it another go. I certainly wouldn't be replacing Scarlett, but adding new memories to our family. I started researching dog breeds. Labs, mastiffs, bassetts,pulis, komandors,cotons, you name it, I considered it for my family. There was always the thing in common that I was tired of , and wanted to prevent: shedding. I'm sick of the dog hair all over my black shirts. So I found this breed called a Lagotto Romagnolo. It's a cute little curly haired dog that doesn't shed, it plays fetch, it's smart, smallish ( 30 lbs) and somewhat rare ( you know I like to be different) I contacted a breeder and I was absolutely sold. She told me that she was going to breed again in the spring. That seemed perfect to me. I talked it over with Parker and he wasn't exactly excited about it, but knows that when I get something in my head, it usually happens. Mother's day rolls around. The kids and Parker surprised me with a doggie bed, a leash, a box of puppy treats and a small bag of puppy food. I was extactic. I e-mailed the lagotto breeder. All the pups had been sold. Boo. She said that she was breeding again the winter. She is one of 2 north american breeders.The other breeder isn't going to breed again until December. :( The thought of potty training a puppy with snow on the ground was not something I had in mind. So I moved on. Next: the Portuguese Water Dog. Cute. Smallish. Non shedding. Good , good, good. I called breeders. Every breeder said "I will not sell you a PWD if you have children under the age of 7. "Apparently PWD are " spirited and energetic." ie: they'll knock your ass over. Nope. Not good. I do not want that . I already Holden for that. :) SO Back to the drawing board. I came up with a whippet. Non barking, snuggly. Very gentle. Loyal. easily trained. The list went on and on. I was sold. I contacted a breeder in Ohio. She breeds champions and is a wealth of knowledge. The ONE bad thing about whippets: if they see an animal they think is worth chasing, they run, and I mean : RUN. 40 mph to be exact. Hmmm. SO if you see me hoofin'it down the street, all out of breath.. I'm most likely trying to catch my speed hound. 26 days and counting. He is one of the puppies onthe right side of the picture. ( all boys) I can't decide.. .they are all too perfect

Bad Mommy

Things started out pretty good today. I got the big kids out the door and off to school in a relatively timely matter. Gus and I enjoyed some Mommy/baby time for awhile before he was off taking his morning nap. My friend Cathy came over and we had a nice visit. It had been awhile since we had seen each other. It was nice to catch up while Gus showed off his new walkin' skills. Sounds good, right? Yeah! After Cathy took off, I bundled up my babe and we headed for the grocer. I don't love grocery shopping, but when Gus is my shopping buddy, things are generally wonderful. We shared a few macaroons, kissed each other every once and awhile and had a complete conversation in baby . Gus flirted with each and every person who crossed our path. People commented on his sweetness, and we even made a friend in the produce section right by the mangos. The cart got pretty heavy, so it was clear that I had reached the end of our shopping trip. I had 20 minutes to pick up MS& HIP at school. Perfect, since the school is 3 miles from the grocery store. Wow. I actually felt accomplished. Now, there is a cashier who loves babies at this particular grocery store. Every grocery store has one. She's the one who tickles, makes faces, and is even bold enough to cross that personal space line and kiss the baby on the cheek. Her admiration for babies is genuine and sweet. Today as I made my way to register 6, she popped out of register 3 and said, " Oh you have more than 15 items." I nodded and said " maybe next time." and smiled. She said, " oh forget it.. come on we'll go fast!I need my baby fix!" The next thing I know she's tossing my groceries on the belt and we're off. There was really no turning back. She recruited a manager-type to help her bag. Gus patiently waited in the cart, but I could tell things were going to get hectic fast. He kept standing up and trying to hold onto me. I held onto him as I placed the groceries on the belt. As I turned back from signing the credit card thingy, I saw and heard and saw Gus land right on his little head. " OH SHIT" I said , as I swooped him up. He whined a little and looked at me longingly. The manager-ish guy said, " Oh God, is he okay?" I poo pooed the situation and said, "Oh, he's okay, no worries." Then I looked at Gus' face and he was grey. His eyes were rolling around and his pupils were really small. I said " Oh, wow, I don't like his coloring right now." The next thing knew, my cart was being pushed by a nice bag boy who was clueless to the sitch. I frantically called our pediatrician who said he needed to see him ASAP. MS & HIP were at school. I had already missed carpool. I called Cathy. No answer. I called her 20 more times. No answer. I called a few neighbors. No answers from any of them. I called Parker ... at this point I was crying because Gus was limp.Finally I bit the big one and called their school. They said That MS& HIP could stay until 5:30. Okay, good, that's taken care of. I heard everyone saying " these things happen, it wasn't your fault." The thing is: it was my fault. He wasn't buckled in. ( the cart's buckle was broken and I was too lazy to get a new cart) I let him fall. I sobbed my way to the Dr's office imagining having to take him to the ER for an MRI. I imagined my sweet baby being different from this day on. Luckily, I was being dramatic. Gus' color change after the fall was due to his little body being in shock. He was fine in about an hour. Right before I rolled into lane 3 with the baby loving cashier,for a split moment in time, I felt as if I had control over everything. That'll teach me to get cocky.

Now I know why some animals eat their young.

Here's why some animals have eaten their young: They must have been snowed/iced in with their kids for 4 days. Ya know, I pride myself on how much I love parenting. I live for it. What I don't live for is , " HE LOOKED AT ME!!!!" "SHE WON'T GIVE MY LIGHT SABER BACK!!" " NOBODY LIKES ME!!" " YOU'RE STUPID!!" Multiply this by 2 and again by 1,000, then multiply this by 4 days. All of this love has given me a bad headache. Now add in the babe who thinks I am his human pacifier, and has started waking up 3 times a night to nurse. As much as I love nursing...when I idealized nursing before Gus was born, I didn't think that every time I picked him up he would whip out a boob. I am beat down people. The thought of 3 more days with my kids is about to give me a stroke. My house is a mess. My car is iced over in the driveway. I can't run away, I'd slip and break my leg. Then I'd be laid up and not able to run the other way to hide in the laundry room. Calgon, take me away. I think I need a break.

Gym"nurse"sticks

It has come to my attention that Gus' desire to nurse has increased 10 fold over the past couple of weeks. Along with his desire, his activity level has also jumped up a notch as well. What used to be a nice spell of 20-30 minutes of intimate nursing time has now become somewhat of a contact sport.

Some of my favorite positions are:

The splat: it looks like someone dropped him out of the sky and he landed flat on my chest... arms and legs sprawled.

The Switcheroo: both mammies accessible. He straddles my hips & switches sides every 10-15 seconds. While he nurses on the left he cups the right gently in his right hand . Vise versa.

Warrior 4: ( for all you yoga buffs, you'll be able to picture it) While nursing on my left, he is standing on his right leg ( yes standing.) His trunk is "open to the sky" . His left arm is straight up in the air. His left leg is also in the air . He is kicking his leg vigoriously. My nipple stretches 100 feet to accommodate

The squat: he stands square in front of me on both feet, bent at theknees & hips not unlike a sumo wrestler. See the Switcheroo for nursing style with this one.

The bow: He stands on my legs and bends his hips at a 90 degree angle.

The Sing along: while straddled at my hips he performs the Switcheroo while making baby noises and laughs each time I mimic him.

The "smell this" technique: See the Switcheroo but occasionally he will slide a foot up between my boobs.Sticking his stinky little foot right in my face.

The kick: Typically he does this when he is nursing because he's bored. He lays flat on his back and kicks his one leg in the air over and over again. This also astounds me because my nip is so stretchy in this position.

Doin' the Butt: He performs the Squat position and ocassionaly puts his tiny heiny up in the air.

And finally ( my fave) The Jibber Jabber: He starts off panting frantically and waving his hands around in every direction. He starts his motor and says "mamamamamamamamama" all the way down to the boob. He then takes a big sigh and becomes milk drunk.

I knew that nursing was going to be an amazing experience, but I never ever ever pictured him flipping all over the place.

I love it nevertheless.

There I was

I have not had a lot of time to myself lately. Gus has a cold from hell. He doesn't sleep well, and the ONLY thing that makes him happy is nursing. I understand that his little throat hurts ( his voice is even more froggy than usual) His nights are rough since he can't suck his thumb with a stuffy nose. This being said: I am up every 2 hours with a crying baby... and every 3 with a 5 year old who says he loves me so much he can't stay away from me. Sooooo flattering... but also very exhausting. For all of you co-sleepers out there.. hats off to you. I can't do it. I can't sleep with a 40 lb kid on my chest... a crying baby pulling my boobs out of my shirt... trigger thumb and carpel tunnel in both hands...an annoyed husband, and my diabetes technology( pump & receiver) all piled up in our bed. I'm the one in the middle wide awake and very uncomfortable and annoyed. My shrink says I'm "too available." I'm going to have to agree with her on that one. That being said, I asked my friend Cathy to watch Gus, and I made a hair appointment. Ahhhh, a few hours to myself. Just me and my stylist, Gregg. Not a care in the world. (we'll talk about my orange mohawk at a later time... I'm still getting used to it)UNTIL~ There in the salon. I am innocently sitting in the chair, mindin' my own... having foils applied to my head... & brown goo smeared all overthe place. The next thing I know a huge microphone is pushed up my nose. I pulled my face back only to see a camera with a big " Channel 9 News " printed on the side. The newsboy who's name I don't know( sorry I don't watch the news ever.. it's too depressing) Blurts out ( with no warning) " The census borough released a statement today saying that 51% of American women are not married. Does this percentage surprise you?" Not realizing the camera was actually on I blurt out,"well, yeah! But do you have to ask me this question when I have foils on my head? Couldn't you aks me this when my hair is finished?" The dude sighed and moved on to the next victim. I mean REALLY? Did he have to just turn on the camera with no warning? I looked like a big idiot . Here's the thing. The woman next to me said that she believed that children need to be raised with a mother and a father yada yada yada.. Sure... for SOME. I obviously feel that marriage was the route for me.. but marriage isn't for everyone. Why does society establish that the " norm" is marriage . I don't think it's fair to project that opinion. What if a single mom enjoys her lifestyle. Why is it up to me to say " you need to a husband to make your life complete?" That's not up to me. If I didn't have foils on my head I would have been able to say that to the dumb newscaster dude. Alas... too late, as usual. For now, I am going to get used to my new fashion forward hair color.

New Guineas

During the winter break for the kids' school, we were the host family to a small Anole. It was a fun little project. Feed, watch, & spritz with water. The kids had a good time taking care of the little guy ( later named: Popsie by one of our little friends) In Millie and Holden's classrooms, there are pets. ( like a lot of nursery schools) The kids are in charge of the care of these pets, giving them this grand sense of responsibility. So I get to thinkin'... would small pets be a good idea for MS &HIP? Do they need to know that they have a job within our family? So off to the petstore I go. I pick up 2 small Guinea Pigs from the World's most knowledgable guinea pig specialist, " George Jr." When I was leaving with my bundle of "rodents" as Parker calls them, I said to George Jr, " If I have any questions, can I call you?" George Jr replied, " Um, I might not be at work that day. You might just want to look up Guinea Pigs on the internet." I raised eyebrow... and realized that George Jr was dead serious. I buckled my new guineas into the front seat ( in their little carrier, duh. Imagine if I buckled them in to the seatbelt, as if they were sitting on their butts.. . belt across their stomachs...HA that would have been a sight!) I surprised MS & HIP with their new little babies when we returned form MS's ballet class. Originally the pigs were named " Kioko & None" ( ??) For a short time they were " Luke & Yoda( of course) but it was decided that " Waldorf and Stadtler" ( you know, the 2 grumpy old men that sat in the box seats every week during the Muppet show) would be the names that stick. Waldorf & Stadtler have been very patient with their new owners. Holden thinks they should be " free range guinea pigs" surprising us with an armful of piggies every once and awhile. The pigs love to eat carrots, orange peels, collard greens, spinach, mango,grapes, apples, and special yogurt drops. Waldorf is a little more patient... but also quicker to give a little bite when he is nervous. Stadter and MS are a good pair. Both are very sensitive. MS&HIP are thrilled to have little pets to call their own. Parker is warming up to them, except he won't ADMIT it! ( you like the new guineas.... you know you do) I like watching my kids get excited about their new responsibility. holden made a salad for the pigs last night, and sat and watched the pigs eat with much excitement. I'll post pics soon!

It's that time of year again

You know how I love to reminisce. I love to look back and do the ol' " one year ago today" routine. Welp, one year ago today I woke up after a wild and crazy New Year's eve (ie: a pregnant Amy slept on the couch from 9-11:59... only to be awakened by her two 4 year olds and husband to bang on pots and pans on the back porch) and we made our weekly trip to the Deli for Bagels and lox. Throughout the day I noticed a little bit of tightening here and there in my lower belly . I figured braxton hicks were to blame. After eating a large helping of my family's traditional pork and saurkraut. I started noticing the tightening more often... and stronger by the minute. In kept a tally of contractions inmy journal. I put ona call to my OB and she said, " come one down here, we'll check things out." My friend Brandi was my " go to " person. She received a phone call. She popped on over and stayed with the kids until my mom could get here. I remember feeling that sinking feeling all the way to the hospital. Parker and I discussed boy names ( since we hadn't decided on one) and nervously chattered about what was going to happen. It was decided after 3 hours on a monitor that yes indeed I was contracting, but the contractions were not productive. I also was put on antibiotics because I had strep B. We were sent home. ( deep breath... that was a close one) It doesn't feel like a year has passed. As I sat and talked to Gus tonight while I was getting him ready to get in bed, I noticed that his cheeks aren't as round as they once were. His fingers know just what to do in order to pick up the exact toy he wants, he parrots back " ho ho ho" on perfect cue... followed by a belly laugh and a big smile and a little head butt, and when he crawls up the staircase at lightening speed, he knows that I am right behind him as he laughs the whole way up the steps. Funny how much can happen in a year.

Exactly what I didn't want to hear

I saw Dr. R today for my quarterly check up. Not only was my A1C :9(!) Dr R mentioned to me that it may be almost time for me to wean Gus. Huh? My plan was to nurse until he didn't want to nurse anymore! ( yes even if he is 4) Apparently my cholesterol
is a wee bit higher than it should be. Here is where I fight my condition. Here's where I would like diabetes to take a hike so I can follow my child right into nursing until he is finished. I said to Dr. R, " but Gus is a boob man.. I can't stop nursing him now!" Dr R. responded with : " Welp, in about 13 years he'll find a surrogate." I said.. "you speak as if you have experience with this matter." he said.." I have a 21 year old daughter... that should sum it up for ya." I said " oh, you should have sent her to art school, all the dudes are gay." he simply smiled. Back to the point: I DON'T WANT TO WEAN GUS. I know, I know.. my health matters too.. but my mental health matters.. and one of the things that makes me so happy is that I have been given the chance to nurse. I'm going to follow Gus' lead for the next 3 months or so... if he gives me signs that nursing is for the birds.. well, I'll cut him back and help him wean. For now, I'll enjoy every minute of it.

The Brutally Honest Christmas

I thought I had it in the bag. I thought that when the children opened their gifts there would be success across the board. I was wrong. For months I have been picking up little things here and there. I limited the gifts to 6 moderate gifts and one "big one." The stocking was filled with things Mommy won't allow them to eat... and toys Mommy would NEVER buy( ie: Floam) The day started off okay. Once Holden got to the Felt pirate Hat, wooden hook and felt eye patch the shit hit the fan. I thought this was one of the stronger gifts. Instead of excitement and happiness.. we got, " Um I don't like pirates, Gus can have this." Ohhh I get it, Since Gus doesn't know any better, he gets the crap nobody wants. Poor little bean. Although that being said.. Gus was thrilled to suck on the wooden hook and swing around the eye patch. The deal was that HIP wanted 2 light sabers. It seems that HIP has becpome quite a Starwars expert....and since he has a Luke Skywalker costume and a Darth Vader costume.. he needs the appropriate light sabers. Welllll, "Santa" didn't know he needed 2. Luckily "Santa's" Mom had a second light saber waiting to be opened... but it was an hour away... Not good for our little Jedi looking desperately for his second light saber. I watched my bloodsugar rising up to 300 on my reciever due to the stress of the sitch. Fast forward to 8 pm... we're sitting at my parents' place opening gifts... instead of hearing " Oh WOW Thanks Beanie!" We heard " How come I always get clothes?... " " Another star Wars Transformer?" & my favorite, " I laready have this!" Okay, not to confuse anyone we're gonna go back to our house. There is a real drum set ( kid sized) sitting in our family room. So far, from what we can tell.... the only thing it is good for is to whack your brother's hand when he tried to take a turn on the cymbal. Okay.. back to Beanie and Pop Pop's . Beanie and Pop Pop gave the kids electronic Light Sabers that not only glow.. they make that sound that light sabers make when they are swinging aroud in the air. They were a hit. Shew!! Finally! Joy and rapture! Today things are looking up. Gus loves his weaning table. Holden is enjoying his entire collection of Star Wars Transformers, and Millie is quietly writing her name in cursiv eand surrounding it with hearts on her glow in the dark magna doodle pad. You know how people say, " I wish Christmas was every day? I frankly couldn't think of anything worse. I saw a side of my kids I wish to never see again... the greedy side. I knw they are 5. I knwo they have expectations. now it is time to work on appreciation.

our little human garbage disposal

I have posted in the past about Gus' love of food. Each day the child wows me more than the day before when it comes to the diversity of his diet. I am constantly searching for new foods for him, and surprisingly enough, he hasn't really protested much. It has become somewhat of a game to me. The only thing I have seen him turn down is overcooked broccoli. Blanched or raw is fine. Although, I am thrilled that he is so willing to try new things, there is an element of concern when it comes to his diet. That concern is: Angus eats more than a grown man. Just an example of one of his meals; A chicken leg, a cup of wild rice, a cup of baked butternut squash w/cooked raisins, 1/2 blueberry muffin, 1/2 banana, and a cup of applesauce. I'm telling you he has hollow legs. He loves avocado sushi, beef stew, croissants, yogurt ( plain with fresh fruit)lamb,couscous,hummus, spaghetti,whole wheat pita, and tonight he arm wrestled me for the heart of my artichoke. I have never seen a 10 month old eat an entire artichoke until I met Gus. On top of all of that he nurses between 5+7 times a day ( on average.... some days it's only 3 times, but that is my fault. I asked the pediatrician about limiting food intake. he kindly said " Gus does not have a weight problem ( He is in the 25th percentile) I breathed a sigh of relief on that one. I do know that one day this trend will end and he will only eat a blueberry muffin and drink a cup of milk all day. ( Millie used to do that.. it scared me to death) As for now. Bon Apetite my little friend!

my first night as a robot

You may do this too. You may get all freaked out when there is a change in your routine, perhaps? I am notorious for panic attacks when a wrench gets thrown( a wrench I planned on throwing myself)into my routine. I'm not OCD, I swear... okay maybe just a little. I don't think I'm OCD really, I just do things in a particular order so I don't leave anything out. By this I mean I take my medicines in the same order every night, and I set up my pump the same way every time. I do this because I don't want to be awake @ 4 am panicking because did I take those meds? Did I push insulin through the catheter? If all is done accordingly, I don't worry myself to death. Kinda narcissitic, I know. Welp, I was all set up on my DexCom receiver yesterday. After a lesson that went a lot like this: " first you do this"..... "then you do this" if this happens, do this, if that doesn't work, there is a secret method that isn't in the handbook, but it seems to work. "Make sure you don't do this or this"... "if you have any questions we have tech support 24/7" " Now, let's go insert a 2" needle into your abdomen with a spring loaded gun from across the room... Don't flinch. K, have a good one..." "All done." I left the office looking like a deer in the headlights. After obsessively watching my bloodsugar hang out at around 50 for 2 hours, I thought to myself, " Self, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. What I didn't know didn't hurt me... now I can see what is going on and it is FREAKY man." Low and behold I started thinking the thing was cool. I could see that my bloodsugar was a-okay and I relaxed. I fell asleep with Millie only to be awakened by a beep the volume of an air raid siren. After I peeled myself off of the kids' bedroom ceiling I got up and did what I thought I was suposed to do. The thing just sat there mocking me. Blank screen. I did one other thing only to have the thing just sit there in silence. At 1AM I decided that the panic attack that was looming could be avoided. I picked up the phone and called the famous Tech support. I spoke to a really cool girl and she basically said " I have no idea what happened to your receiver. Forget about it for tonight and start over in the morning." So about an hour ago I sat down and took a deep breath, and I think I started over. We'll see in an hour when the calibration is complete. Tick tock, tick tock....

the bionic woman

Remember back when my A1C was 5.3? remember when my bloodsugar was never above 160?Remember how tight my control was?( even if you don't remeber these things... just nod your head and smile, okay?) Those days are gone people, GONE. I don't know what it is.... 1) noone checks up on my journal so I don't keep one? 2) I am nursing and the hormones I am releasing make my bloodsugar crazy-go-nuts? 3) I am too frikkin tired because I get 2 hours of sleep a night these days because my 3 kids like to juggle me during the night? 4) I'm too embarassed to even say that I have seen numbers like 560 and 587?( I hang my head in shame)5) could it be all of the above?? OR 6)do I shamelessly admit that I ignore my condition? The answer: 6. I could really give a rat's ass about my diabetes. I hate it. Usually when I hate something enough, it goes away. Welp, not only is my diabetes not going away... it is getting even more annoying. Like that annoying cousin who won't go away @ the family reunion because he thinks he's cool.. but really he's a big dork? Have no fear! I am signed up to get trained to use something called a Dexcom ( not to be confused with Defcon) Monitor. The dexcom monitor is a real time wireless monitor that reads my bloodsugar through a sensor in my stomach every 2 minutes. The face of the monitor shows a graph of my trends throughout the day. I can scroll back and see what my bloodsugar did that day... down load the results on my computer, and take the printed copies to my doctor for evaluation. The coolest part about this monitor is that it alarms when my bloodsugar is over 200 and under 100. That is so rockin'. Part of my problem with cronic panic attacks is fear that my bloodsugar will dive bomb in the wee hours of the morning when noone is paying attention. The monitor will mkindly beep and let me know that I need more or less insulin. I still have to stick myself 2 times a day to calibrate... but hey that's better than 8 times, right? I am a little apprehensive... boarderline panicky... but I know it's best. I also met with a hand surgeon today. Turns out I have to have a nerve conductor test done on my hand to rule out periferal neuropathy. If it's not neuropathy, I'l go under the knife for carpel tunnel surgery and trigger release surgery on my thumb. The best part of the visit ( besides the 1 1/2 hour wait in the waiting room) was when he said " we'll numb your hand and put a tourniquet on your arm... it's a simple procedure." Um, I'm gonna go pass out now.... goodbye.

Hello? Is anybody home???

Sorry friends... I got a little caught up in life and the blog took the back seat there for awhile. I can't promise I'll return as often as I used to but I am glad to update as things happen around here.

Millie and Holden turned 5. Can you believe it? I look back on all that they have accomplished and take a deep breath because I know that eventhough they have come a long way since the NICU.. that could fit on the head of a pin when it comes to their little lives.They amaze me.

I took Holden to get his beautiful long locks of hair cut off. He was basically begging to " look like a boy." I couldn't torture him any longer , so I gave in. While at the salon, Millie threw a fit. " I want my hair cut like Holden!!!" In a pure moment of panic, I suggested a stripe of color to keep her happy and in the spotlight. We came home with a little boy who looked like a boy... and a very happy little girl with a fire engine red stripe down the right side of her head. All was well.
Both kids are transitioning well into their new school. I, on the other hand, need some coaxing. I know that M&H are where they need to be.. now if only I could feel like I was part of the community. It is so different from their old preschool.
Holden is super obsessed with Starwars. He seems to know each and every detail with precision. Somehow Superkitty has been added to the cast of Starwars... good ol' Superkitty. He really is "every hero." I have convinced the kids that I attemded Jedi School. Yoda was my teacher. I know Luke and Leia, aqnd Hans Solo was a flirt and sometimes a jerk, but I still like him. In the grocery store all I have to say when the kids are acting up is , " Please don't make me use the force." and they straighten right up. Holden begs to see my light saber. I tell him that I have to keep it back @ Jedi School in a special locked box. Light sabers are dangerous, and they shouldn't be used by anyone who is untrained. Millie is going to marry Luke Skywalker. She has 3 best friends at school. She loves to sew and iron and fold laundry.

Gus... whoa.. I can hardly keep up with this little dude. I left off when Gus was first rolling over.
at 6 months he sat up
at 7 months he cut teeth
at 8 months he crawled
at 8 months he pulled up
at 9 months he started cruising
he is just shy of 10 months and he is starting to pull his hands away from his anchor... and stand for about 10 seconds. This started this week.

Gus eats like he is in an eating contest. Everything I give him goes down " his drain" ( HIP's term for a throat) A sample dinner is : 1 cup of chopped blueberries, 3/4 cup peas,3/4 c chopped chicken breast, 1 whole pear(chopped) 1/2 c water out of a glass, and when we all sit down to eat dinner together ( Gus usually eats about an hour earlier... but joins us for a sit down family meal) gus trenches off of my plate. His new current fave: spanish rice. It's fun to have a kid who loves to eat. M&H were tough. Picky. They also weren't intorduced to solid foods until they were well over a year, so I am thankful they will eat anything. Now they scarf down pretty much anything we give them ( within reason) They are all good eaters. All are willing to try anything. Millie takes some coaxing, but all in all she usually gives it a try.

I'm certainly no Montessori guru ( see http://www.mommybahn.blogspot.com if you wanna see a true Montessarus) but I am attempting to raise Gus in a modified Montessori environment. One of those things is his bedroom. Unlike M&H's room ( murals all over the place.. toys , books, and swings) Gus' room is neat and tidy. Organized. Simple. Quiet. Predictible. I borrowed the idea of a floor bed from my good friend Amanda. When I saw that she was going to put her daughter in a floor bed I thought " whoa man.. that's brave." Then I remembered the months of pure hell Parker and I lived through when HIP learned how to climb out of his crib.( @ 14 months) We lived in pure terror. Would he fall? Would he wander through the house @ night sneaking down to the kitchen to let himself out to go for a dip in the pool? He never did... but in our minds.. he was willing and able.. and most of all : unstoppable. The floorbed not only prevents those falls, it encourages independance. Gus crawls into his bed when he wants to crawl into his bed. I nurse him before he goes to bed. After he is done nursing, I put him on his bed. He typically grabs his blanket and sucks his thumb for a bit. He usually puts the blanket down and crawls around the room one last time. He pats his rocking chair. He pulls up to look out of the window. He tries to latch onto a few of the drawer pulls on his dresser. Then, he crawls to his bed and grabs his blanket and puts his head down and hums himself to sleep. He sleeps on his own terms. Hence: no screaming and crying. He sleeps 12 hours a night ( unless he is teething). When he wakes up in the morning, he crawls out of bed and I hear him go " Ba? Ba ba ma?
Gus LOVES to " chase" M&H around the family room. They do a great job of interacting with him. Millie has a bad habit of carrying Gus across the room against his will... and throwing in an apology when he cries... but other than that she is a little mommy to him. He glows when she plays with him. She's really good @ making people feel important. Holden just tries to scare Gus ( although he would never admit that).
Gus is also starting to mimic sounds. His new big one is blowing raspberries. He spits all over my face and cracks up. It is really funny.

My friend Cathy and I are in the process of starting up our baby carrier company. It's coming along slowly, but it's coming along nevertheless. I am excited about getting things off the ground. I'll post website details and other updates as they develop.

I have developed something called " trigger thumb" in both of my thumbs. Funny that I woud get trigger thumb.. since I hate guns so much. Basically what is going on is diabetes related. The tendon that runs from the top joint of my thumb.. down to the base of my thumb is so tight I cannot straighten or bedn my thumbs easily. They are swollen and man it hurts. I tried wearing a brace for awhil.. but it didn't work. I cannot have cortisone injections ( no anti inflamatory meds for me because of my kidneys) SO basically I am probably looking at surgery. I am going to put it off until I am done nursing. No pain killers for my sweet baby thanks.

Parker is working hard. He takes the kids to school for me every day which is such a big help. The kids live to listen to XM kids. They come home singing hilarious kid songs. Parker even admits that XM kids stays on the radio after the kids are out of the car. :)

I'll update the pics when I finally get around to uploading them on the 'puter.

Sorry about the delay. We missed you.

sniff sniff... oops...I mean: snip snip

Here we go again. Why is it that haircuts disturb me so? I will gladly lop off my hair to a feminine buzz cut.. but when it comes to my children's hair.. I insist on their hairstyles to be long and luscious. Since Gus was born he has had a head of hair on him. Beautiful strawberry blonde craziness. Lately he has been rubbing his eyes.. and the lock of bangs just didn't want to scoop to the side. In hopes of recovering his glorious mohawk, I took some shears to his little head yesterday. When I look back on the pictures, I get sad, because he was ( in my opinion .. his mother's OPINION.. ie: I'm not projecting my child's appearance on anyone) SO CUTE. I'm not saying that he's not cute now. I think I did a bang up job on his new style. I just prefer long hair. I had planned on " letting it go" until he was one. Out of respect of my 8 month old who was in danger of becoming cross eyed, I did him a favor. The thing I hate most is how much older he looks with a haircut. Where did my baby go????