2 weeks gone by

I think there is a cruel irony about the weeks post partum. Why is it that the ol' pregnancy hormones hit ya a week after the delivery? I mean, think about it, I had to carry this little guy( shut up, I know he's huge... but it's all relative right?) for 37 weeks to finally meet him... and for the weeks following his birth.. I am riddled with fear and anxiety. Now,I hold him and look at him pretty much all day... and it is just now that I am able to see his inate beauty. I revel in his babyness and the spectacle that is all him. I get lost in the sounds of his breathing and the smell of his hair. I love when he tries to latch onto my lips and I take the oppertuity to kiss him all over his face. I get sad because I think back to the week we came home from the hosptial and I remember how troubled I felt about having a new baby. I want that week back! DO over! I don't think Gus minds... as long as I hold him and give him my boobs when he asks. I don't remember the power of being a new mom to Millie and Holden. I remember being kind of scared, but proud of my responsibility... and really played down the twin card... make believing that it was " easy." Gus is easy. Gus cries when I change his diaper... and when he is hungry. Other than that he is the wunkerkind baby I totally don't deserve. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have been given this oppertunity. What a totally amazing experience. A few days ago I realized that I now have 3 children... who rock my world more each day. What did I do to deserve this?