We're Fockerizing

I'm not trying to look for reasons to question the way I parent. I'm not even sure I agree w/ all the AP opinions etc... I do know that I am trying a calmer.. more soothing way to raise my children than I did in the past. With a little bit of research and the ability to count to ten in my head before screaming my head off... I really want to try the elusive attachment parenting. Problem is: am I setting myself up? I LOVE wearing Gus. LOVE IT. He gets all squished up in the fetal position... and rests his head on my boobs for hours, while he's in the pouch. I prefer not to put him in a swing. ( eventhough Millie and Holden spent probably 70% of their days as babies in swings as I tried to learn how to be their mommy.) No loud music. ( eventhough Millie and Holden rocked out to Southern Culture on the Skids pretty much all day... since it was the one thing that calmed them down) I HATE to hear him cry ( eventhough when Millie and Holden were babies I would not allow anyone to touch them for 30 minutes as they learned to "self soothe." ) I'm not sure Gus has ever cried for more than 40 seconds while I changed his diaper, and when he does fuss.. I just say, " what's the fuss Gus? " and he stops and looks for my face. He has never been instructed to " self soothe" and when given the oppertunity, Gus lays next to me in bed while I nurse him quietly telling him how much I love him. What happened to me? Why was I so " hard" on Millie and Holden.. but totally protective of Gus? WHy was I uncomfortable telling Millie and Holden that I loved them until they were well over 1 year old? Maybe I realized that life is hard... and children should look to their parents as a support network-vs- dictators. Maybe I was so terrified to lose Millie and Holden ( due to their rocky start) that I was a tough ass out of defense?Maybe the bond was harder to establish because Susan carreid them? ( I HOPE that is not the reason!) I don't know... but I will tell you: I feel guilty about my past parenting style. I have been told by a few people to "put him down" to sleep.. "so he gets used to it." My argument there is : His actual due date isn't until tomorrow. If he were still inside of me, he'd feel movements and hear my voice. I can't imagine feeling certain movements, and hearing one person's voice as long as my ears worked... and all of a sudden have to " learn" ( by my own defenses) how to sleep on my back... and cry.. and hear other people's voices up close and personal. I know that in time I will want to put Gus down. For now I want to ease everyone into the transition... KINDLY. I don't want to bark " I am doing this my way... leave me alone!" to the people trying to help me. They aren't saying these things to start trouble. I know they are trying to help. Hey, if I'm willing to allow Gus to use my boob as his pacifier from 1:45AM - 4:45 AM... that's my choice, right? I could EASILY pop a noonie in his mouth... but, where's the kindness in that? Parker isn't into the co-bedding-baby wearing- cloth diapering thing as much as I am... but he doesn't disrespect the choices I am making. I am thankful for him. I know things feel a little rocky, but I bet in a few weeks I'll have this down pat. For now I'll nod my head and smile... and know that if I wanna wear my baby until he asks me to put him down ... I can do that. Parker and I like to joke and say " we're Fockerizing Gus." ( if you don't get that one.. go watch the movie " Meet the Fockers." HILARIOUS) We'll do what's right for us... and save up for Gus' therapy along the way.