Just your typical breakfast menu of Wafles, and a side of sibling rivalry.

Millie: " Holden pretend we're a prince and princess and you're gonna save me."

Holden:" No Millie, I don't want to play that."

Millie: ( slumps down in her chair and shoots a look of death at Holden)

Holden:" MOM! Millie just said that if I don't play with her she won't get me a transformer!!!"

Me: " Holden, no she didn't, she just sat there looking at you."

Millie:" Nu uh, I said that if he didn't play with me that I was going to buy him Make-up and make him wear it." ( purses lips together and raises eyebrows, trying not to laugh.)

Holden:" EWWWW NOOOOOO I will definitely not wear make up!!!

Millie/me:" BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (high five!) Yeah baby! Take that!"

Clean

I just have to vent here. I have to tell you I am tired of cleaning. You know what I do every single day? I clean. I pick up toys and put them back. I wipe off tables, I pick up remotes in the bathroom? I clear off the driveway. I clean up shredded diapers and vacume ( thanks Devo) I sort through tall piles of catalogs and recycle. I clean the same exact way every other mom in the world cleans.... and you know what? It looks like I sit around on my ass all day. It doesn't matter how hard I try, this house looks like a bomb went off in it. I clean up one area, and while I head to another section of mess, the section I just finished cleaning, is messy again. Rules I make ( no food out of the kitchen) are broken and bold face lies are told. I fold laundry all day and all night... but there is still a pile of laundry always waiting to be put away or folded. I clean . Thats what I do. There are piles of papers the kids bring home from school that I'm not quite sure I should keep, but I feel bad throwing them away. So they sit on the kitchen counter cluttering up the place, laughing at me when I am teary and overwhelmed. I clean. What a waste of precious life.

I have been tossing around the idea of going to the Montessori Institute to get Montessori training for 0-3 year olds. One of the most important parts of Montessori is cleanliness and no clutter. Well, how the hell can I even get myself to get settled in enough in my own environment to teach cleanliness and clairity? Which brings me to my much overdue point:

I feel defeated. every single day I wake up defeated, knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will not accomplish one thing today. I will attempt to clean and straighten,only to turn around and it be trashed. I am generally a happy person who can usually see the brighter side of life. I'm realistic. I complain a lot, but I know I'm being a whiner.
For Chistmas this year I want a live in maid named Alice, 3 children who understand that I am trying to get things in order around here, and a purged basement that only has toys that the kids actually will use more than once a year. That's no too much to ask, is it?

If anyone wants some free toys aimed at 3-5 year olds.. let me know quick.. because I feel a HUGE purge swelling up.

Catch!

I know I haven't posted in eons. Let's just say that the school year is kicking my ass. Here's a little update... in readers digest format.

1. Kids start back at school in ( obviously ) September. Since they are among the oldest kids in the class things are looking up. HIP has 2 new teachers. They are fun, beautiful ( on the inside and out) and very dedicated to their job and the children. MS continues on with her teachers from the year before. She finds a confidence she never knew she had. She is finally a " big kid" in the class and has jobs. Gus starts in his toddler community. He transitions well. Loves the teachers. Has fun playing with the kids and animals.
2. I enroll MS & HIP in Lacrosse ( monday afternoons)(Millie hates it and quits) and Gymnastics( tuesday afternoons)and Gus on Wednesday mornings. Gus' teacher congratulates me on my non-exhisting pregnancy. I...
3. Get a personal trainer. She declares," I'm gonna kick your ass." She wasn't kidding people. I almost throw up every time I meet with her. She tells me I need to lose 15 lbs and firm up my flabby ass. As much as I hate her.. I love her too. She cracks me up.
4. Millie becomes obsessed with Gymnastics. She declares that she isn't going to go to school anymore so she can go to gymnastics every day. Millie's teeth also start faling out left and right. She currently looks like Nanny McPhee.
5. Gus starts talking about pooping on the potty. He actually poops on the potty a couple of times.
6. Holden is still picking his nose and eating it. it makes me dry heave.
7. Millie is in Love with Corbin Bleu and tells everyone that he is her boyfriend.
8. Gus speaks.
9. Devo Howls at the moon
10. One of Holden's teachers is senselessly and horrifically murdered. her family and friends hold a celebration of life ceremony. I sit there wondering why ( along with everyone else) we are there. Why do these things happen to WONDERFUL people. There is a big gaping hole at the kids' school. Sometimes I feel like her spirit is at the school, smiling down on everyone, as she pats the kids on their heads when they accomplish their " big work."
11. I bleach my hair. ( ALL BY MYSELF) It isn't good. I get it fixed. It is better. Now I have roots galore and I wonder when I'll have time to go get it touched up.
12. Are you bored yet?

Ideal-vs-real

I quite often think to myself, " why is this so hard???" I watch other people sit at tables in resturants with multiple children who are eating what is on their plates and speaking with their inside voices. Most of the time these said children are staring in disbelief at our table. I know, I know, These times will pass and we will look back and laugh. Well, I'm not sure about the laughing part. When we leave public places, most of the time Parker and I are arguing because we are so stressed out, and both of us are in a full body sweat. I have compiled a list about things in my life that I would like to change, but I know I can't at the moment.



Ideal:Children wake up pre-dressed for school and willing to eat what I put on the table for them.
real: Children take 45 minutes to get themselves ready for school , even when I am helping them. They eat a bowl of frosty coated sugar bombs because that's all we have time for.



ideal:My 21 month old would understand that I am trying to cut back on how many times a day he nurses.

real: as much as I adore nursing my boy, it is becoming a bit of an issue. He nurses wherever and whenever he wants. I can't walk up the steps without him dangling off of me while he scratches my boob out. My chest has cuts all over it. He nurses on one boob while he holds the other nip in place... and then switches. I don't care about nursing in public, or if people get a glimse of the nips, I'm just to the point where I want him to understand that even though he wants to nurse,I don't always agree... and it is my body too. I have him down to nap time and bedtime. So far so good... but it's only been 4 days.



ideal:My kitchen would automatically clean itself.

real. HA, yeah right.



ideal: the laundry fairy wouldn't be on permanent vacation

real: there is a pile of laundry that runs the length of the Andes from one end of the house to the other.



Ideal:My 6 month old puppy would only pee and poop outside. He would also only chew on his toys.

real: Devo is a 1,000mph sneak. He can run upstairs and take a shit and chew up a beloved babydoll faster than it takes to chase him up the stairs to spray him with the "bad doggie bottle." He IS only 6 months old. I need to cut him a break.



Ideal: the kids' schools would be about 20 minutes closer.

real: the kids' school is 30 minutes away without traffic.



Ideal: I could get to sleep at night.

real: I crash while I nurse Gus to bed @ 8:30. Wake up at 11. Clean the kitchen,feed the dogs, pack lunches, fold the 3 loads of laundry I didn't fold earlier in the day, feed the guinea pig, get the the kids to the bathroom, tuck everyone in, let the dogs out, take a shower, nurse crying baby, sneak away after an hour,let freezing dogs back in the house and "tuck them in",turn off every single light in the house and finally fall into bed at 4:30 am. Up at 7:15. I haven't gotten into bed before 4:30 in close to a month. I dream about sleeping and how easy it used to be.



Ideal: the toys would be alive and put themselves away at night.

real: well, if they are alive.. they stay up all night partying at their little toy keggers, and pass out wherever they fall. What a bunch of lushes. To think, I thought Polly Pocket had a little more self respect.





Ideal: Gus' school would stay open and in it's current location.
Real: Gus' school is temporarily closing and moving to a new location. The new location is simply too far away. I'm not sure I can handle the change. I LOVE his little school, his teachers, the kids in the program, all of the little animals( frogs, hampsters,birds, turtles, a bearded dragon, and a dog) Gus can hold and love, and so much more. I just don't think I want to add more stress to our lives. I am considering moving Gussy to a new school that has a 2 year old Montessori program. This is the school that took over MS & HIP's old nursery school... so there are teachers that I know and LOVE . They knew Gus when he was "Tiny" in my belly.I would feel good about sending him to the new school... I'm just really bad at telling people that the new changes aren't going to be good for our family's best interest. I'll miss Gus' little Toddler community.

Ideal: Thanksgiving would take place at our house.
real: THAT WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, HAPPEN.

The list goes on and on, but that's just me being a perfectionist. and whiney . I think I need a nap.