Tuesday, May 02, 2006
oy
I know it's been awhile. It's just that there has been so much going on, I just can't keep up anymore. I had to slack off on something. Well, the blog was the first thing to go. One reason is: the blog freaked me out a little. I knew in the beginning of my blog that strangers were reading my very personal life stories. They were reading about my hopes and dreams and gathering opinions about me and my family. Strangers. That was the part that skeeved me out. Strangers were looking at pictures of my pregnant belly. Strangers were looking at my children. When my PPD kicked in full force, I would sit up at night thinking, " Strangers are looking at my infant." I know the point of blogging is to keep an online journal that anyone can access. Okay fine. Lot's of people do it. LOTS AND LOTS of people do it. When your hormones kick in full force.. and panic suffocates every move you make.. the idea of LOTS and LOTS of people reading personal stuff makes you go a little berzerk. I also know that when I write, it puts my feelings out there, so if anyone wants to help, they can offer opinions, suggestions, and whatever they like. I pretty much have 4 people who comment on my blog. Sometimes I hardly get a comment.. which makes the time spent a the computer a little pointless, I guess. I'm not educating anyone. I'm not pondering poilitics, finances, style, education, religion, medicine, or anything of importance to anyone. I'm just jotting down things that happen here in my own little world. I wasn't sure if anyone wanted to read about my nightly multiple panic attacks. My ability to cry for no reason. My frustration with my two 4 year olds who seemilngly have it out for me. My babe who only wants to be held.. eventhough I have 1 zillion things to do that would make the baby uncomfortable and cry. Life is definitely looking up. The weird thing is : it never looked down per se. It just looked complicated. It is still very complicated, but this is what I wanted. SO I am plugging along in my vortex of disorganization and frustration.. all the while juggling my infant and 2 cranky 4 year olds. I will get through it.. and with a smile on my face dammit, because I am lucky. I have everything I want and more. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it all. :)
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1 comment:
Hame - I am wondering if some of the "hits" your blog gets is not just strangers, but The Bevs and others who just might not comment. I read people's blog's that I dont even know too, which if I think about it, seems odd. I like reading your blog, and like Nic says, its a way to know whats going on. Since everyone's so busy with life these days, it allows a glimpse into how everyone is going.
Like Jenny said, use it as an online diary and if you dont want randoms to read, you can password protect.
I have recently really been thinking of starting a blog, just as an online diary and a way to write and also keep in touch a bit with friends. I am guilty of not staying in better touch w/people, and also think I need a way to just let out my thoughts. So we'll see. I remember last year I didnt even know what a blog was, and now, I read all these other people's blogs and feel like I know them, even though I dont (and rarely comment).
So, if you want my opinion, keep on bloggin' and know you have some faithful readers, but more importantly, some loyal friends.
xo
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