Were you born an asshole???

There's this Jimmy Buffett song( I'll admit that I have listened to a few Jimmy Buffett songs in my life. I'm not going to lie that his voice is soothing to me in the summertime) called" Were you born an asshole?" The refrain is : " Were you born an asshole? Or did you work at it your whole life?" The point of the song is that this jerk cut Jimmy Buffett off on the highway, and instead of getting mad at the time and taking it out on the driver, he wrote a song about the dude instead. I am here in Bloggerland to do the same thing.

I am one of the lucky few to be able to summer at the beach. My husband is awesome enough to work his ass off during the week and come down on the weekends to see his family. He has only seen the kids 3 times this summer. He tells me he is getting a lot done at home. I secretly think he loves his chaos free life. The problem with living in a beach town is that you deal with well... not to sound too pretentious, but you have to deal with the tourists. My kids and I live here. That means that we have routines. That means that we ride bikes not to sightsee, but to excersize. That means we eat baked salmon, wild rice, fresh greens, and locally picked nectarines at our house for dinner, not chicken nuggets and fries with applesauce at the local crab house. We have a membership to the waterpark and walk in with pride that we have different armbands than everyone else, and the employees recognize us. Yes, this does sound pretentious.BUT I know that we are lucky. I don't expect to be able to do this... it is a priveledge. My parents let us use their house rent free. I know we are lucky. We are loving every second of it.

Here's what happened to us today that I will immortalize and spread all over the internet.

Picture it: It's 8 pm on a breezy beach evening. The kids have eaten dinner. The kitchen is clean. The dog has eaten. We have a little time to kill so we decide to go outside and ride bikes. the neighbor's kids were riding bikes. 6 total. ( between two houses) + My 3. MSP and HIP were riding all over the place being careful to watch for cars and people. G was riding around on a little truck thing that he sits on and pushes with his feet. The adults were standing on the road chit chatting and the kids were all over the place. We have a big neon " children at play " sign that we put in the road to call attention to the kids. The street is quiet. Maybe 20 cars drive past a day. SO. There we were minding our own.. when this Lexus pulls up. The Blonde middle aged and WAY overdressed woman proceeds to HONK HER HORN AT G!!!!!!!!! SHE HONKED HER HORN AT A BABY ON A PLASTIC RIDE ON TOY!!!!!!!!!! I got all up in the side of her car and screamed " Did you really just honk your horn at my BABY!!!" and gave her the almost finger( you know when you still have your fingers open but your middle finger is up just a little higher?) Instead of being apologetic she raised her arms and shoulders as if she were the victim. WELL overdressed lady in a Lexus from PA( I would post her license plate # but I'd have panic attacks that someone would try to whack her in revenge) You are forever known as" the bitch who honked her horn at my baby." I hope you are proud of yourself. You suck the big one. You are lucky I didn't put a big steamin' pile of dog shit in a plastic bag on your porch and light it on fire. That's what you really deserve. Or better yet, me in my car on your driveway at 3 am honking my horn while you try to sleep. Or everytime she drives by I put G in the road and make her sit there and wait for him to ride around all over the place in front of her car. Tonight I will dream of all the possible scenarios. I know where you live lady from PA. If I were you I wouldn't honk your horn at my kid(s) again.. or I will post a photo of you in your car right here on the lovely internet.