Help me if you can I'm feelin' down

And I do appreciate you bein' round.... help me get my feet back on the ground.. won't you please,please help me......
Millie has become a troubled youth. I know what you are thinking. Millie is almost 5, not 16. Well let me just tell you, something is up, and I'm not smart enough, or mommy savvy enough to be able to psychoanalyze her.

Her temper has become increasingly hot. I have been known to throw a plate or a set of keys( not since I had kids... they don't need more reasons for a shrink when they get older) in my day... so it doesn't surprise me that her sheer volume and ability to pitch a fit has reared it's ugly head. I inherited this from my father. That guy is the nicest , sweetest, most giving guy on Earth... until someone tailgates him, then WATCH OUT! Seems that that gene has been passed down from the master.
Last week Millie and I argued about a banana for a half an hour. I'm not saying that I want to scare my child. Because I don't. What I would like to be able to do is: say, " I think you need to take more than one bite of that banana before you throw it away." Instead of getting so mad at her because she refuses to do anything she doesn't want to do. If she doesn't want to put her shoes away, she just doesn't. If she doesn't want to eat her dinner, she doesn't. If she doesn't want to wait to swing on a swingset, she doesn't. It's not that I'm not trying here. I say, " Please put your shoes away so we know where to find them next time." She responds: " I will not put those shoes away." Which in turn makes me say something stupid like " Put the shoes away or I will pitch them in the garbage." Which just pisses the wee one off... and she sighs heavily, rolls her eyes and bends over very dramatically and throws them in the closet in a huff... and growls at me.Then I think to myself, " how can I handle this situation differently/more effectively?? She has started screaming and bawling and pulling on my arms, hands and pants. ( something I hate. When they pull on my pants, my pump usually falls off of my hip... and crashing to the floor. It's just not a good thing to have your lifeline break because of a couple of 4 year olds' temper tantrums. )I had one goal this summer: The children will not interrupt me while I am on the phone. Neither of them are getting the hint( My simple rule is: unless someone is bleeding or unconscious~ DO NOT INTERRUPT ME.) After the banana argument ended (ie: Millie chucked a mushy banana down the steps at my head) I have noticed an increased number of times Millie cries throughout the day. Her increased shyness.Her ability to say PLEASE 1,000,000 times in order to get what she wants. ( " Mom, can I have candy?" " Mom can I please have candy?" " Mom, can I have candy? PULEEZE~ MOM! CAN I HAVE CANDY?? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( bawling ,sobbing ,pulling on my pants) Her intolerance of her brother( Holden) Holden is no help as he pretends to be the golden child when she is at her lowest, saying things like " I sure do LOVE bananas Mom, I could eat about a hundred of them." Okay Forrest Gump... let's not aggravate Happy Fun Ball over there.
I do suspect a few reasons for her fury. 1) The baby gets a lot of attention. ( not , " ohhh look at that good baby boy isn't he cute?" kind of attention...it's the " I can't play right now, I have to feed Gus and put him in for a nap. Maybe when I'm done, okay?" kind of attention) 2) Holden has learned how to swim and is currently learning to ride a 2 wheeler. This being said: this is status quo for Millie. Holden walked when he was 15 months old. He was clutsy and always getting hurt. Millie watched & waited and when she turned 22 months, she stood up and walked perfectly. He throws caution to the wind. She observes, and when ready,she executes with precision. She's a perfectionist to a T. 3) Millie and Holden's sweet little Montessori preschool closed. ( rather abruptly I might add) Millie Girl does not like change. The school gave us an option of sending the kids to the other campus... but our fear was that we'd be changing their environments too often, with kindergarten just around the corner. SO Parker and I enrolled them in a new school... a new school that goes up to 8th grade. A Montessori elementary school that won't set us back 40K each year. It's really a dream come true. A dream come true for everyone except Millie. She asks where her friends are going to be. She asks if her teachers will be there. She asks if I will be there. I am so sad for her. I know she will be fine, it's just that unknown that always sets us back. Sadly, she inherited that from me too. On the other hand~ Holden is psyched! Ready to roll. New school = new friends, new teachers, new practical life skills, NEW PLAYGROUND! WOO HOO! ( Don't even go there JAF friends... (Shaking my head in sadness)) Holden asks me on a daily basis, "Is tomorrow September mom?" Millie interrupts me and says " SEPTEMBER WILL NEVER BE HERE." I'm pretty sure that our little Millie is feeling overwhelmed because of the combination of all 3 things I mentioned above. I just WISH I could keep a level head and know how to deal with her emotions without losing my cookies. My frustration level is getting lower each day. I'm not sure if it's because I'm oerwhelmed w/ mommy stuff.. or if it's because I just don't know what to do with myself when I'm mad.. how do I deal with my "Mini Me?"