Exactly what I didn't want to hear

I saw Dr. R today for my quarterly check up. Not only was my A1C :9(!) Dr R mentioned to me that it may be almost time for me to wean Gus. Huh? My plan was to nurse until he didn't want to nurse anymore! ( yes even if he is 4) Apparently my cholesterol
is a wee bit higher than it should be. Here is where I fight my condition. Here's where I would like diabetes to take a hike so I can follow my child right into nursing until he is finished. I said to Dr. R, " but Gus is a boob man.. I can't stop nursing him now!" Dr R. responded with : " Welp, in about 13 years he'll find a surrogate." I said.. "you speak as if you have experience with this matter." he said.." I have a 21 year old daughter... that should sum it up for ya." I said " oh, you should have sent her to art school, all the dudes are gay." he simply smiled. Back to the point: I DON'T WANT TO WEAN GUS. I know, I know.. my health matters too.. but my mental health matters.. and one of the things that makes me so happy is that I have been given the chance to nurse. I'm going to follow Gus' lead for the next 3 months or so... if he gives me signs that nursing is for the birds.. well, I'll cut him back and help him wean. For now, I'll enjoy every minute of it.

The Brutally Honest Christmas

I thought I had it in the bag. I thought that when the children opened their gifts there would be success across the board. I was wrong. For months I have been picking up little things here and there. I limited the gifts to 6 moderate gifts and one "big one." The stocking was filled with things Mommy won't allow them to eat... and toys Mommy would NEVER buy( ie: Floam) The day started off okay. Once Holden got to the Felt pirate Hat, wooden hook and felt eye patch the shit hit the fan. I thought this was one of the stronger gifts. Instead of excitement and happiness.. we got, " Um I don't like pirates, Gus can have this." Ohhh I get it, Since Gus doesn't know any better, he gets the crap nobody wants. Poor little bean. Although that being said.. Gus was thrilled to suck on the wooden hook and swing around the eye patch. The deal was that HIP wanted 2 light sabers. It seems that HIP has becpome quite a Starwars expert....and since he has a Luke Skywalker costume and a Darth Vader costume.. he needs the appropriate light sabers. Welllll, "Santa" didn't know he needed 2. Luckily "Santa's" Mom had a second light saber waiting to be opened... but it was an hour away... Not good for our little Jedi looking desperately for his second light saber. I watched my bloodsugar rising up to 300 on my reciever due to the stress of the sitch. Fast forward to 8 pm... we're sitting at my parents' place opening gifts... instead of hearing " Oh WOW Thanks Beanie!" We heard " How come I always get clothes?... " " Another star Wars Transformer?" & my favorite, " I laready have this!" Okay, not to confuse anyone we're gonna go back to our house. There is a real drum set ( kid sized) sitting in our family room. So far, from what we can tell.... the only thing it is good for is to whack your brother's hand when he tried to take a turn on the cymbal. Okay.. back to Beanie and Pop Pop's . Beanie and Pop Pop gave the kids electronic Light Sabers that not only glow.. they make that sound that light sabers make when they are swinging aroud in the air. They were a hit. Shew!! Finally! Joy and rapture! Today things are looking up. Gus loves his weaning table. Holden is enjoying his entire collection of Star Wars Transformers, and Millie is quietly writing her name in cursiv eand surrounding it with hearts on her glow in the dark magna doodle pad. You know how people say, " I wish Christmas was every day? I frankly couldn't think of anything worse. I saw a side of my kids I wish to never see again... the greedy side. I knw they are 5. I knwo they have expectations. now it is time to work on appreciation.

our little human garbage disposal

I have posted in the past about Gus' love of food. Each day the child wows me more than the day before when it comes to the diversity of his diet. I am constantly searching for new foods for him, and surprisingly enough, he hasn't really protested much. It has become somewhat of a game to me. The only thing I have seen him turn down is overcooked broccoli. Blanched or raw is fine. Although, I am thrilled that he is so willing to try new things, there is an element of concern when it comes to his diet. That concern is: Angus eats more than a grown man. Just an example of one of his meals; A chicken leg, a cup of wild rice, a cup of baked butternut squash w/cooked raisins, 1/2 blueberry muffin, 1/2 banana, and a cup of applesauce. I'm telling you he has hollow legs. He loves avocado sushi, beef stew, croissants, yogurt ( plain with fresh fruit)lamb,couscous,hummus, spaghetti,whole wheat pita, and tonight he arm wrestled me for the heart of my artichoke. I have never seen a 10 month old eat an entire artichoke until I met Gus. On top of all of that he nurses between 5+7 times a day ( on average.... some days it's only 3 times, but that is my fault. I asked the pediatrician about limiting food intake. he kindly said " Gus does not have a weight problem ( He is in the 25th percentile) I breathed a sigh of relief on that one. I do know that one day this trend will end and he will only eat a blueberry muffin and drink a cup of milk all day. ( Millie used to do that.. it scared me to death) As for now. Bon Apetite my little friend!

my first night as a robot

You may do this too. You may get all freaked out when there is a change in your routine, perhaps? I am notorious for panic attacks when a wrench gets thrown( a wrench I planned on throwing myself)into my routine. I'm not OCD, I swear... okay maybe just a little. I don't think I'm OCD really, I just do things in a particular order so I don't leave anything out. By this I mean I take my medicines in the same order every night, and I set up my pump the same way every time. I do this because I don't want to be awake @ 4 am panicking because did I take those meds? Did I push insulin through the catheter? If all is done accordingly, I don't worry myself to death. Kinda narcissitic, I know. Welp, I was all set up on my DexCom receiver yesterday. After a lesson that went a lot like this: " first you do this"..... "then you do this" if this happens, do this, if that doesn't work, there is a secret method that isn't in the handbook, but it seems to work. "Make sure you don't do this or this"... "if you have any questions we have tech support 24/7" " Now, let's go insert a 2" needle into your abdomen with a spring loaded gun from across the room... Don't flinch. K, have a good one..." "All done." I left the office looking like a deer in the headlights. After obsessively watching my bloodsugar hang out at around 50 for 2 hours, I thought to myself, " Self, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. What I didn't know didn't hurt me... now I can see what is going on and it is FREAKY man." Low and behold I started thinking the thing was cool. I could see that my bloodsugar was a-okay and I relaxed. I fell asleep with Millie only to be awakened by a beep the volume of an air raid siren. After I peeled myself off of the kids' bedroom ceiling I got up and did what I thought I was suposed to do. The thing just sat there mocking me. Blank screen. I did one other thing only to have the thing just sit there in silence. At 1AM I decided that the panic attack that was looming could be avoided. I picked up the phone and called the famous Tech support. I spoke to a really cool girl and she basically said " I have no idea what happened to your receiver. Forget about it for tonight and start over in the morning." So about an hour ago I sat down and took a deep breath, and I think I started over. We'll see in an hour when the calibration is complete. Tick tock, tick tock....

the bionic woman

Remember back when my A1C was 5.3? remember when my bloodsugar was never above 160?Remember how tight my control was?( even if you don't remeber these things... just nod your head and smile, okay?) Those days are gone people, GONE. I don't know what it is.... 1) noone checks up on my journal so I don't keep one? 2) I am nursing and the hormones I am releasing make my bloodsugar crazy-go-nuts? 3) I am too frikkin tired because I get 2 hours of sleep a night these days because my 3 kids like to juggle me during the night? 4) I'm too embarassed to even say that I have seen numbers like 560 and 587?( I hang my head in shame)5) could it be all of the above?? OR 6)do I shamelessly admit that I ignore my condition? The answer: 6. I could really give a rat's ass about my diabetes. I hate it. Usually when I hate something enough, it goes away. Welp, not only is my diabetes not going away... it is getting even more annoying. Like that annoying cousin who won't go away @ the family reunion because he thinks he's cool.. but really he's a big dork? Have no fear! I am signed up to get trained to use something called a Dexcom ( not to be confused with Defcon) Monitor. The dexcom monitor is a real time wireless monitor that reads my bloodsugar through a sensor in my stomach every 2 minutes. The face of the monitor shows a graph of my trends throughout the day. I can scroll back and see what my bloodsugar did that day... down load the results on my computer, and take the printed copies to my doctor for evaluation. The coolest part about this monitor is that it alarms when my bloodsugar is over 200 and under 100. That is so rockin'. Part of my problem with cronic panic attacks is fear that my bloodsugar will dive bomb in the wee hours of the morning when noone is paying attention. The monitor will mkindly beep and let me know that I need more or less insulin. I still have to stick myself 2 times a day to calibrate... but hey that's better than 8 times, right? I am a little apprehensive... boarderline panicky... but I know it's best. I also met with a hand surgeon today. Turns out I have to have a nerve conductor test done on my hand to rule out periferal neuropathy. If it's not neuropathy, I'l go under the knife for carpel tunnel surgery and trigger release surgery on my thumb. The best part of the visit ( besides the 1 1/2 hour wait in the waiting room) was when he said " we'll numb your hand and put a tourniquet on your arm... it's a simple procedure." Um, I'm gonna go pass out now.... goodbye.