Run !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't walk... away from this weirdness! Okay, lemme start from the beginning. I don't shy away from letting my kids sit in front of the digital babysitter every now and then. I think TV has a lot to offer on levels I cannot provide for my kids. I gotta tell ya, that Magic School Bus on Discovery kids is fascinating! Where else could you get swallowed by a classmate in a micro sized school bus along with your class and eccentric teacher ( Miss Grizzle) and actually see what happens to food when you swallow it. I did however notice that the writers didn't attempt to explain how food EXITS your body. I was waiting to see how they were gonna draw a big poop with a little school bus inside. Luckily they didn't go there, and I didn't have to visualize THAT for the rest of the day. I digress. I don't have a problem with letting my kids take it down a notch after a hard day at school. I am not one of those parents who has this attitude that TV is the devil... and their kids are forbidden to watch tv. I think a lot of the time this kind of talk is part of their show. And I think they are elitist. Well, elitist parents.. tell me.. why do your kids love Spongebob Squarepants... and how come your kid's birthday party was Disney Princess? Hmmm??? No TV my ass. I'm not saying that these people are bad or wrong. Do what you want.. I do not judge. I'm just saying.. don't pretend that your kid is pure.. when you know that you sometimes need a break and you pop in a DVD every once and awhile. I actually think families without TVs are great!I also think that families who forbid their kids to watch TV are fine... as long as it's consistent.I know plenty of TV free families. ( I mean REAL tv free families)and those kids aren't hurting in any way. All the power to ya. I can't imagine having enough energy to entertain my kids when they are tired or bored... and I have 45 phone calls to make. What I'm trying to say is: I hate when people lie and make thier families out to be better than everyone else's. I DO however prohibit any cartoon characters on any clothing or shoes.. unless of course it's retro ( ie: Superman.. or Wonder Woman.. oh what I woudn't give for a lasso of truth!) Our birthday parties are gender neutral... and focused on the kids.. not advertizing for the man. Again, I digress.( who's the elitist now?HA!) My kids go to school and learn about decimals, binomials and trinomials, Millie can sew a button on a piece of fabric, iron a towel, and polish glass and silver. They know secondary and terciary colors. I feel like a little TV isn't going to make their minds melt and their eyeballs fall out.Life is full of lessons. One of those lessons is that entertainment is good for the soul. HOWEVER: Holden is home from school today with a fever and belly ache. He is laying on the couch watching Discovery kids. A new show came on. Hip Hop Harry. Are you familiar? Well, if not.. lemme sum it up:A Barney-esque dude in an oversized sports jersey and a baseball hat twisted 45 degrees to the side. Hip hop Harry dances around with a bunch of kids singing " When I say hey you say ho... heyyyy ( hoooo ) heyyyy (hoooooo) when I say hey you say ho.. Hey( hoooo) hey( hooo) Go Bobby it's yer birfday..." I swear these kids were "krumping." Then all of a sudden Hip Hop Harry proceeds to do a "helicopter" and finish off the show with a head spin.I stood in the kitchen with the water running in the sink oddly mesmerized by the oddness of this concept. Holden seemed to LOVE it. I was just waiting for him to turn around to me and say ," Mom, can we have Hip Hop Harry Birthday party?"

School daze

Today is the first day of school For Millie and Holden. Notice both are suited up in their elastic waisted pants and velcro sneakers( both required wardrobe for primary students at their new school.) Pay no mind to the fine art Holden added to the fireplace hearth. That was another day... at another time. Things are lookin' up. :)

Both kids were cooperative and excited for their new adventure. I hope they are having fun. The new school is a lot more strict than their old school. ( may it rest) This place has a handbook that's 200 pages thick... and seemingly a long list of rules and regulations. I s'poze it's a good thing. I think our Little HIP needs positive direction. The directress ( yes, that is her official title)of the school says that HIP has " joyful exuberance." Parker and I think that since Montessori doesn't often use the word " hyper" that was a kind way of saying.. " don't feed your kid sugar coated chocolate bombs for breakfast before school."
Millie was happy to go to school today. She was eager to get dressed, and get her picture taken for the big event.. and to meet her new friends, eventhough she misses her " old friends." I miss her old friends too. I keep thinking back on our little trip through JAF ( old school) SO sweet. So loving. So available. The new school I'm sure offers these things too, but right now it feels like there is a lot of structure, and there is no room for compromise. Listen to me, it's like it's MY first day of school.

Well, the good news is : Parker got the kids to school 15 minutes early! He actually had to wait for the primary carpool drop off.( that's a first!) Both kids hopped out and gladly walked into the school. Shew! No water works. Let's see how tomorrow goes. :)

Things that make you go "mmmmmm"

Just reporting that Our boy Angus is ( so far) a pretty good " eater."
For breakfast he eats a variation of some carbs, a fruit and a protein. I chose between : ground up brown rice, ground millet, ground oatmeal. Banana. Peach/nectarine. Prunes. Flax seed waffles or whole grain waffles. For his protein he eats an egg yolk. I have started mixing the grains along with a banana each day and he seems to enjoy each combo more than the last. Today's combo was oatmeal and ground millet with a mashed banana. He ate that along with an entire nutragrain waffle. I think he's a bottomless pit!( or he has that awful condition where his mind doesn't tell him when he's full. :) )

He nurses through out the day.( up to 6 times)

His afternoon snack is a whole wheat teething biscuit and a fruit.

His dinner is still holding steady at 1/2 an avocado & mashed banana with a tablespoon of wheat germ, a piece of whole grain bread, mashed sweet potato with apples, and a mango.


Millie and holden were pretty good eaters, but they ate jarred foods. Now that I look back I could have exposed them to so much more had I made their foods as I am with Gus. I'm not complaining about Millie and Holden's diet. They eat what I give them. I always remember to feed them something tasty ( kid food)every once and awhile, so they are open to food changes. No chicken nuggets and mac & cheese. ( only when the babysitter comes over.. then they can do whatever they want. Popscicles for dinner? Sure the baby sitter is here YAY!! )My kids do put away some sushi,lox , kamut noodles, and Holden ate a sheet of seaweed last week . Millie just said "ew, NO thanks."( after I bought my sister a package of seaweed as a joke for her birthday)

At month 7 Gus will be introduced to carrots/tofu/seaweed/seeds /flax oil, and a handful of new fruits and veggies.

I wonder how he will eat as an adult, since we are introducing him to super healthy foods as a base. Time will only tell. ( Well, time and his big brother and sister saying " ewww" every time I give him something new. :) )

Help me if you can I'm feelin' down

And I do appreciate you bein' round.... help me get my feet back on the ground.. won't you please,please help me......
Millie has become a troubled youth. I know what you are thinking. Millie is almost 5, not 16. Well let me just tell you, something is up, and I'm not smart enough, or mommy savvy enough to be able to psychoanalyze her.

Her temper has become increasingly hot. I have been known to throw a plate or a set of keys( not since I had kids... they don't need more reasons for a shrink when they get older) in my day... so it doesn't surprise me that her sheer volume and ability to pitch a fit has reared it's ugly head. I inherited this from my father. That guy is the nicest , sweetest, most giving guy on Earth... until someone tailgates him, then WATCH OUT! Seems that that gene has been passed down from the master.
Last week Millie and I argued about a banana for a half an hour. I'm not saying that I want to scare my child. Because I don't. What I would like to be able to do is: say, " I think you need to take more than one bite of that banana before you throw it away." Instead of getting so mad at her because she refuses to do anything she doesn't want to do. If she doesn't want to put her shoes away, she just doesn't. If she doesn't want to eat her dinner, she doesn't. If she doesn't want to wait to swing on a swingset, she doesn't. It's not that I'm not trying here. I say, " Please put your shoes away so we know where to find them next time." She responds: " I will not put those shoes away." Which in turn makes me say something stupid like " Put the shoes away or I will pitch them in the garbage." Which just pisses the wee one off... and she sighs heavily, rolls her eyes and bends over very dramatically and throws them in the closet in a huff... and growls at me.Then I think to myself, " how can I handle this situation differently/more effectively?? She has started screaming and bawling and pulling on my arms, hands and pants. ( something I hate. When they pull on my pants, my pump usually falls off of my hip... and crashing to the floor. It's just not a good thing to have your lifeline break because of a couple of 4 year olds' temper tantrums. )I had one goal this summer: The children will not interrupt me while I am on the phone. Neither of them are getting the hint( My simple rule is: unless someone is bleeding or unconscious~ DO NOT INTERRUPT ME.) After the banana argument ended (ie: Millie chucked a mushy banana down the steps at my head) I have noticed an increased number of times Millie cries throughout the day. Her increased shyness.Her ability to say PLEASE 1,000,000 times in order to get what she wants. ( " Mom, can I have candy?" " Mom can I please have candy?" " Mom, can I have candy? PULEEZE~ MOM! CAN I HAVE CANDY?? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( bawling ,sobbing ,pulling on my pants) Her intolerance of her brother( Holden) Holden is no help as he pretends to be the golden child when she is at her lowest, saying things like " I sure do LOVE bananas Mom, I could eat about a hundred of them." Okay Forrest Gump... let's not aggravate Happy Fun Ball over there.
I do suspect a few reasons for her fury. 1) The baby gets a lot of attention. ( not , " ohhh look at that good baby boy isn't he cute?" kind of attention...it's the " I can't play right now, I have to feed Gus and put him in for a nap. Maybe when I'm done, okay?" kind of attention) 2) Holden has learned how to swim and is currently learning to ride a 2 wheeler. This being said: this is status quo for Millie. Holden walked when he was 15 months old. He was clutsy and always getting hurt. Millie watched & waited and when she turned 22 months, she stood up and walked perfectly. He throws caution to the wind. She observes, and when ready,she executes with precision. She's a perfectionist to a T. 3) Millie and Holden's sweet little Montessori preschool closed. ( rather abruptly I might add) Millie Girl does not like change. The school gave us an option of sending the kids to the other campus... but our fear was that we'd be changing their environments too often, with kindergarten just around the corner. SO Parker and I enrolled them in a new school... a new school that goes up to 8th grade. A Montessori elementary school that won't set us back 40K each year. It's really a dream come true. A dream come true for everyone except Millie. She asks where her friends are going to be. She asks if her teachers will be there. She asks if I will be there. I am so sad for her. I know she will be fine, it's just that unknown that always sets us back. Sadly, she inherited that from me too. On the other hand~ Holden is psyched! Ready to roll. New school = new friends, new teachers, new practical life skills, NEW PLAYGROUND! WOO HOO! ( Don't even go there JAF friends... (Shaking my head in sadness)) Holden asks me on a daily basis, "Is tomorrow September mom?" Millie interrupts me and says " SEPTEMBER WILL NEVER BE HERE." I'm pretty sure that our little Millie is feeling overwhelmed because of the combination of all 3 things I mentioned above. I just WISH I could keep a level head and know how to deal with her emotions without losing my cookies. My frustration level is getting lower each day. I'm not sure if it's because I'm oerwhelmed w/ mommy stuff.. or if it's because I just don't know what to do with myself when I'm mad.. how do I deal with my "Mini Me?"

I'm warning you lady!

If Gus could talk , here's what he would have sadi to me tonight at dinner:
" Mom, listen to me. I have had a rough coupla days here. From a fever of 102.5 ~ to a rather sleepless night the other night, to some herpe-esque bumps on my lips,tongue and probably my throat ( that I've been rubbing all over you and your milk bar). I know that I have led you to believe that I LOVE avocado. I normally do! But PULEEZE ... if you love me you will stop force feeding me smashed avocado. I am warning you. If you give me one more bite, I'll , uggg, mgm,gmgggmmm, gack !grrr!( chewing smashed up avocado) THAT'S IT! I'm sticking this spoon in my eye!"

We're gonna need to take one of our sick days

Look at these faces. Ohhh my poor boys. Seems that we picked up a case of the coxsackievirus at the family reunion.Millie had it earlier this week...now the boys are all laid up with sickness, just sickness.. Gosh, I couldn't be happier. Gus has had a pretty good run without getting sick. I should be happy that we went just about six months with out even catching a cold. Pretty good for a kid who has 2 older siblings who bring hom a petri dish of goodies during the school year. I can hardly muster up a smile when I look at poor Gus, he's so sad!!! Holden was sick last week ( barfing) and now he is sitting in the other room with a 104.4 fever... suckin' down his 3rd " sick popscicle" ( pedialite pop) . He seems to be handling it better than poor baby Gus. HIP loves his popscicles man.I am just waiting to get this stupid virus! Gus sucks all over my face and lips daily... especially when he's tired. Ohhhh the joys of parenthood. Anyone wanna bet when I get this? I say Monday.

rollin', rollin', rollin',get those doggies rollin'

Our freedom is gone. That's right peeps, Angus rolls. I know most kids roll a little earlier, but Gus is our third kid and we aren't encouraging him to do anything but be a baby. :) ( ie: I'm not ready to have to perform preventative thinking on behalf of my infant son.) I like that I can leave him on the edge of the couch and he won't roll off. Anywayyyyy, I am glad my babe decided to think for himself and roll his little self over. He seems rather pleased with his new skill... oh, except for the time he rolled his face into the fireplace stone. Yeah, that was a little rough on his sweet baby soft forehead. Time is flyin' by. Wasn't Angus born just yesterday? Wait, weren't Millie and Holden born just yesterday?? !

And the World's best baby award goes to...

( in the almost 6 month old category) Angus! Yes friends, I think Gus is indeed the world's best baby. The World's best baby who is amost 6 months old ~ that is. I know lots of babies who would take the award in the other age groups. ( Including the 4 year old twin category) Millie and Holden were rockin' babies. I was a new mom who wanted nothing more than control. For that, I "fought" tooth and nail to get MS & HIP to follow my lead. With a few years of mothering experience, I have learned one valuable lesson: let the baby tell you what it needs. ( cause... noone can tell a baby what to do. :) ) A day with Gus is simple: He wakes up daily @ 7:2o on the dot. I hear him sucking his thumb and quietly giggling. I look over and he usually smiles a big toothless grin and says " baa baaaaaaaaaa hahahahah ( squeal!) I pick him up and inhale a huge breath of his pure babyness and take him to clean him up before his first meal. He smiles and kicks his feet while I change him. He usually wimpers a little bit as I button up his PJs because dammit I'm not going fast enough. I take him to our bed and lie him down on my side. I lie next to him and nurse him into oblivion. He usually falls asleep after both sides are drained. I usually wake up and see him nuzzled up to my boob.. with his thumb in his mouth... his other hand resting softly on my chest. He wakes up with a smile. He bats at Parker's face , smiles and says "Baaaaa baaa baaa baaa" After the morning chats are over( ie: Parker whispers, "I am gonna sleep for 5 more minutes and get up to take a shower"... and rolls over and goes to sleep...) Guster and I go downstairs. A couple of hours later his sister and brother usually join us for breakfast. Gus loves to eat! For breakfast he eats half of a banana, 2 tablespoons of homemade brown rice cereal ( super baby porridge) , blended prunes, 1/4 nectarine, and a gulp of water from his cup. He laughs and feeds himself. He also loves to hold his cup and drink and spill water all over the place. Millie and Holden love to watch. It is quite a site! No matter what time it is... Gus is glad to take a nap. After his breakfast he nurses for about 5 minutes, sits up and stuffs his thumb in his mouth, as if to say: "I've had my fill.. now put me down to rest. I love you. :)" Gus will sleep for a few hours and wake up happy. He never cries when he wakes up. He just lies in his bed happily babbling and playing with "Tickle" his rabbit. Gus is easy going. He is as predictible as the sunshine in the Summer. He laughs at Millie and Holden when they play with him. He smiles at strangers. He lets strangers who only speak Spanish hold him.. and he smiles and laughs at them too. He LOVES Ruby Jones. He doesn't fuss when Ruby slimes him on the mouth. Gus thinks TV is funny. He loves to ride in his slings, and he kicks in delight when I kiss him on the head. He thinks it is fun when Millie holds him( which is a lot) Gus loves his avacado/banana mash. He slurps down sweet potato and chunks of nectarines and peaches. Gus will drink out of a bottle, a glass, a plastic cup, a sippy cup,a sports bottle, and a straw. If Gus misses a nap.. he is no worse for the wear. He goes with the flow, with a smile on his face.Gus goes to bed happily at 8 pm every night( this concept is strange to us.. since Millie and Holden are IMPOSSIBLE to get to bed... always have been.) I'm telling you people, after 3 months of pure anxiety and post partum depression, I sit back and wonder to myself, why do I deserve all of this? I am so lucky. I'm trying not to sound too braggy here. I just look back at my life 5 years ago, and I never thought I'd ever have this pure joy. Millie , Holden, and Gus are so cool. I have the best job in the world.I hope this lasts. Honestly I am waiting for the bomb to drop.. and real life to begin. HA!

Who's my Hollaback girl?

That's right people. Gwen Stefani is MY Hollaback girl. Why you ask? Because she clearly copied and bought the same Rockin' Baby sling for her baby Kingston ( as seen in Us Weekly.)as I bought for Gus. Sometimes it's painful being so cool :) GAH I'm crackin' myself up over here. :)

Thank you sir, may I have another?

HE LOVES IT!!! Can't you tell? Okay. Gus didn't love avocado. He tolerated it when it was blended with mashed banana. Poor guy. My Super Baby food book says that avocados are the best thing to feed babies because of the fatty acids good for brain development. I'm going to try to se if he'll learn to accept avocado if I blend it with yummier, tastier foods.
He was a good sport.. gagging his way through the meal.
My good baby... look at him trying to smile his way through the torture.

The Millie-ism of the day:

Today's Millie-ism is:

"Right now we have tiny heinies... but when we grow up, our heinies are gonna be big like Mommy's."

I think I'm flattered. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that statement, but(t) ( haha pun intended!) for now I'll believe that she just wants to grow up and be like her mommy. :) Ba-donka-donk and all.

He eats solids! ( applause & cheering!)

This year, on my birthday ( July 2) I decided( a little bit against what I wanted, but knew Gus was giving me signs that he was ready) to have Parker feed him his first bowl of rice cereal. ( Like I am the boss around here or something) The kid loved it. Gus had his mouth open like a baby bird the whole time. He would take a bite and open his mouth almost immediately for another go. Parker was careful not to force him to open his mouth, or make a fuss over cereal on his face.( including his eyebrows, eyelids, and ears) I had been back and forth on if we should wait until he was 6 months old and nurse exclusively... or just give him the cereal. Gus LOVES to nurse. I think he'd be one of those 4 year olds nursing himself to sleep at night. I don't have a problem with that so much... we all need security. I however think that I will want to get my life back in order before then. As much of a wannabe hippie I am, I also have limits. I think Gus will surviveif I take his boobies away at about 1 or 1 1/2 years. Gus has been eating whole grain rice cereal and bananas. I am following along in a book called Super Baby Food. Man the author( Ruth Yaron) is SO KNOWLEDGEABLE .. seemingly about everything! She writes about everything from meal prep,eating areas,recipies,food tables,nutritional values,the good bad and the ugly,bacterias( good and bad) cleaning, home made cleaning products, freezing food ( ie: food cubes)... and so much more. I get dizzy when I read it because it has so much info. I bought it back when Millie and HIP were about 18 months. Their diet restrictions ( due to their surgeries etc...) Prevented me from trying anything from the book. This time I will be making Gus' food... so I get more bang for my buck, and I have that elusive control. :) I am getting ready to give Gus avacado. I'm sure he'll suck it down. He seems rather pleased to chew his food, as long as I have his boob ready to go as soon as he is done mashing bananas in his ears.

stylin'

Does anyone else thing that Gus looks like a cross between Squiggy and Mr. T?

This kid has hair that won't quit!


A few weeks ago, in an undisclosed location... A man I don't know( but has some relation to Parker's mom's family) said to me " That kid has a mohawk ." ( REALLY? Oh my goodness... I hadn't noticed! Note blatant sarcasm) I responded to " Man who's name I don't know." " Yeah, his name is Angus... when your namesake is a rocker, you gotta look the part, right? The "Man" said " Ohh like Angus Young right? AC/DC? I said, "sort of...Just kidding, I grew up on an Angus farm, he's named after it." The dude looked me square in the face and said , " YOU NAMED YOUR KID AFTER A COW?" ( that's prime grade,w/traceable bloodline to Scotland ,certified USDA beef to you, SIR)
I said, " Noooooo, I named him after a very special place." Here's my point: ( I have said this in the past, but I'll gladly repeat myself) If you can't say anything nice...don't say it at all. My child is named perfectly for him. His name suits him. I almost blurted out, " Dude , don't make me suckerpunch you in front of your kids." Whoa, did I actually think that? Where did the bad ass mama in me come from? Anyways. If you don't like Gus' name~ Fine... but don't tell me how you feel. It hurts my feelings... and it also makes me think bad things about you. So there.

After the pause

Sorry it's been so long. The kids are on Summer vacation, ( whoever came up with the term "summer vacation" obviously doesn't have children. There is no vacation in sight for a SAHM) So far this summer we have been to the beach 3 times. Holden has thrown up twice. Millie broke out in hives and her top lip swelled up so much ( and so quickly) that I burst out laughing when I first saw it. Millie and Holden fight like cats and dogs. Millie has started scratching Holden when she doesn't get her way. Holden has been advised to wear a shirt at all times. Holden has an INSANE imagination. He plays with his imaginary friend " Super Kitty" all the time. He is sensitive and requires 5 night lights in his bedroom, or he " just can't sleep." His favorite song currently is " Mr. Roboto." Millicent LOVES Gus so much it's boarderline annoying. Every 20 seconds ( and I am not exaggerating) she says " Can I hold Gus? ( but it sounds like this : " canIholdGusMommy?Mom, canIholdGus??") She is a sweet little mother to the baby brother, but a cranky pants with her twin... declaring " I AM OLDER THAN YOU!!" Gotta love that 28 pound 4 year old's moxy. Gus is rolling from belly to back, and alllllllmost from his back to his belly. He says " bababababababa" every morning to wake me up. Then he smiles a big toothless grin, and I know that this day will be grand. He loves his blanket (which I have named " love.") Gus is a champion thumb sucker. He's a good napper and a great nighttime sleeper. I am getting ready to introduce solid foods to the wee one.He LOVES bananas. Everytime I eat something he sticks his hand in my mouth, or physically bats things off of my fork or out of my hand. I think he's trying to tell me something. I better follow him. Gus has a natural mohawk,loves the word " stinky" ( makes him belly laugh) and the patience of a saint when it comes to Millie and Holden always up in his chicken. My panic attacks have slowed down to maybe one every other day if I am lucky. Which is cool, much better than the 40-50 mini panic attacks I was having each night~ back in the peak of my PPD. Exhausting. It's been a year since I found out I was pregnant. What a year! I had a weird dream last night that I was pregnant again. I woke up in a cold sweat. :) Parker works his butt off. He lost 12 lbs on the South Beach diet. He is lookin' cute. Right now Millie is with my mom getting a little " one on one attention." She needs it. A naked little boy just walked in and said ," Whatcha doin'?" ( which is code for " Daddy wants to play on the computer. Give it up. + it's time for my bath.) I better scoot my fruit.

Parker and His Mini Me

Okay, I guess they do look alike after all. I have been thinkin' that Gus looks more like my dad than anyone, but this pretty much clinches it. Gus looks like his daddy.

Surviving a haircut, 101

I think I have to admit it. My children are growing up right before my eyes. I took Millie and Holden to get their first ( professional) haircuts on Wednesday. I have been battling the idea of giving up control to another person for quite some time now. I have been weilding scissors over Holden's hair for 4 years now. There's something about the creative control that I MUST own. Alas, I gave in and made an appointment with a children's salon here in town. I was one of those ANNOYING parents, ( I never thought I'd be) watching like a hawk over this poor woman's shoulder. Carol ( stylist) was very patient with me... and my flashing camera.( I ended up taking over 200 pictures... obsess much?Jeesh) Millie ended up getting about 6" taken off. It's a little shorter than I'd like it to be, but it's for the best. Her hair was so broken and split at the ends. Both kids were hesitant about getting their hair cut. Holden said, " Mom, you're not going to sob are you?" ( remember back in december when I lobbed off his locks for Parker's Christmas gift?") Millie flashed a major sad face, and tears welled up in her eyes. She said very quietly, " Mama, I don't wanna get a haircut." ( while she choked back the tears... big lip sticking out) I said, " welp Peanut, your hair isn't going to grow much longer if we don't trim off the end a little bit.It'll be fun, you'll see."( as I tried to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes.) She agreed, and sat very still. It's funny how much thicker her hair looks and feels now. Holden was unphased by the haircut. He did however like sitting in the cool chair. Sometimes I think I'm a big weirdo. I am a complete control freak about how my children's hair looks and their person al style... but when I go to the salon to get my hair cut, I say , " Have at it. I trust you." I always leave looking temporarily cool. ( After I wash it.. I always go right back to " Mom hair.") I have had every color under the rainbow.( including silver and bronze) I have shaved my head pretty much bald. I have had extensions to my butt. I have permed, straightened, and attempted dreads. Maybe one day my kids will experiment with their looks. I'm down with that. Watch~ They'll keep their hair trimmed and neat... and properly highlighted. That would be my luck. :)

too perfect

We found the most perfect t-shirt for our Wee Angus. I'm sure Angus Young would be proud. I knew "Tiny" would be born a natural rocker.

Mornings at our house

For those of you who know us well, you know this very simple fact: WE ARE NOT MORNING PEOPLE. When Scarlett became part of Parker and my life, I remember saying ," hey, a puppy will help us get up and go in the mornings!" 2 months later, I find Parker and Scarlett the puppy all snuggled up still in bed @ 2 pm... after I returned from Core, and that dumb "mirrors used in fine art in history." class I was forced to take. ( dumb academic credits) I digress. After 2 months of dog ownership we had trained our puppy not to be a morning person either. Jump ahead 5 years. Millie and Holden are born. We are thrown into the baby machine. Change, feed,burp, sleep, play, cry,sleep,feed,cry,sleep,change,feed,..... repeat. ( 20 times a day... not necessarily in that order.. but remember to multiply that by 2. )By the time Millie and HIP were 10 months old, they were sleeping until 11 am. I was told by a person who shall remain nameless, " Oh my God, wake those kids up and get on with your day." Um, NO. Waking up babies is against my religion. I do not wake up babies. I certainly do not wake up twins if I don't have to. Millie and Holden did not wake up before 10 am ( unless forced to ) until they started going to school. Jump to today. Today was like most days. Gus giggles and wiggles in his bassinet @ about 6 am. ( he typically sleeps from 9pm-6am.) I peer over with one eye open . He catches my gaze and smiles a toothless smile. I pick him up and smell his divine baby smell, and squeeze him tight. I walk him to the bathroom and lay him in his happy place( the counter on a pillow wrapped in fleece. )He loves this place so much. I think it's because the mirror allows him to check out his rad baby self while I wipe him and change his stinkers. He typically grabs his peep, and I panic because I haven't cut his fingernails in awhile. Gus winds up into a massive crying fit. I change the diaper in 10 seconds flat and pick him up, wherein he stops crying immediately. I walk over to my side of the bed, lay him on a cloth diaper. Gus wails because I can't whip my boob out fast enough. Parker moans and rolls over. I pop the booby in the crying baby mouth and the child suckles for an HOUR. I love every second of it. 7 am: After popping all of my pills and brushing the teeth. I roll downstairs to pack to lunches. I make 1 pb&j. cut in half. Cut up an orange pepper, place in baggies. Wash and cut up some sort of fruit. fish throught the drawer of granola bars for bags of cookies. Get overpriced, organic chocolate and strawberry milks out of fridge. I try to draw something of interest on a small love note for each lunch box. I rememer the days where I used to draw small masterpieces for my kids' lunchboxes, so they knew I loved them more than the world, and I wasn't forcing them into school because I didn't want them around, I just knew they were ready. Back to today. I write I heart you Holden, and I heart you Millie a with a simple drawing in marker and slap each note in the lunches.. knowing that I could still draw if I wanted to.. but I just don't have the time anymore. I place the lunchboxes at the back door. Stop off at the computer to check the weather.. so I don't dress the peeps inappropriately for the day. I mosey back upstairs, kiss each 4 1/2 year old child on the head and say " 2 minutes." I pick out outfits, unders, and socks. I say , " okay up and at'em." I hear a wraspy voice whipser from under the covers, " where are we going?" I say " school." I hear, " I'm not going to school." I say.. uh yes you are.. you love school." I hear a very clear, " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL." I think to myself, UG. I hear, " Holden first." Then I hear another different wraspy voice from under the other set of covers, " Millie." Then it's back and forth. " holden, " Millie, " holden..." and I finally say, " Let's get dressed at the same time. " I hear , "NO." ( simultaneously) In walks groggy Parker with fussy Gus. I take fussing baby. He cheers up. Kids sit in beds, hair every direction, sweaty. I say, " please get dressed. " they say , " no." I say.. " okay I'm getting a little annoyed." they say " we're not going to school." I say, " I gotta go get your breakfasts ready. ( time check: 8:30) I freak out. " Get dressed and come downstairs." ( in my mommy voice. I have forgotten how to be nice. I didn't yell.. I just said it while clentching my teeth. Baby is crying. Kids are WAILING, " NO MOMMY!!! HELP USSSSSSSSSSS!" I say , " nope. get dressed." Millie literally jumps into her clothes, picks out shoes and flies down the steps. Holden sits in bed screaming. I calmly walk to the steps and say. " GET OUT OF BED. PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES AND SHOES. WALK TO THE STAIRS. WALK DOWN THE STEPS. I AM DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE." Holden walks downstairs. Sits at the table. Eats his cereal. Baby is now crying. I nurse baby while kids eat. Baby falls asleep. I take him to up his crib. Just as I am leaving the room, Millie and Holden come upstairs and scream something about how Millie looked at Holden and he didn't like it. Millie stomps her foot and spits. Baby wakes up crying. Holden cries. I'm on the verge of crying. Husband is in Shower. Time check: 8:55. I sigh. They should be in the car. I take fussy baby downstairs. Parker is making scrambled eggs. Mutters something about me not having time to make him breakfast. I raise my eyebrows higher than my hairline and tell myself not to dump scrambled eggs on his head. I put holden's shoes on while I hold the fussy overtired baby, and listen to how " Superkitty and Danny Phantom are going to save us from the bad guys,"( in one ear) and How " Alexa has a cool pair of brown flip flops."( in the other ear) Parker says , " Call sears. The dishwasher is broken." Grrr. Fine. Fine.. no big deal. I kiss my children. Holden says, " Mom, you know I love you." I said, You know I love YOU too pal. He smiles and walks to the door. Millie hugs me and kisses me. I know they will have a good day. I walk back upstairs and nurse the babe . He falls asleep in the calm. I call Sears. As I wait on hold for 30 minutes, a crazy robin pecks on the office window. Just as the operator picks up, the baby wakes up crying. Good timing. I sigh and go back upstairs and try to talk and take care of fussy babe at the same time. Today was pretty much like any other day ( minus the broken dishwasher.) I'm thinking about joining the circus. ( one without animals ;) )I think I'm pretty qualified.

and the worst mother of the year award goes to....

The worst mother of the year award goes right to : Me. After a week of HIP telling me " Mom, for mother's day, we're giving you and Gus a bathing suit." I did actually have a visual of me wearing Gus in one of the cups of my bikini top. A bathing suit where you can actually tuck the baby in with you is not a half bad idea, really. I'm sure an attachment parent somewhere will invent it one of these days. Back to the point. HIP started talking about this mother's day gift on Tuesday. This morning, there was a lot of whispering about mother's day surprises and the like. As Parker was getting ready for the day, HIP was jumping in and out of our bath tub.. I stated, " Please do NOT buy me a bathing suit Parker, I like to try them on, and these things ( pointing to my boobs) are a little different than they used to be." Parker's face melted with sadness. He said " Ame, when I asked the kids what we should get you for Mother's day, Holden said ' a bathing suit for Mommy and Gus!!' and he hasn't stopped talking about it since. He's so excited." After I realized the magnitude of the statement I had made, I corrected myself by saying, " Please get me a black bathing suit, okay?" I hope I didn't crush poor little HIP. Bad mommy. Bad, bad, mommy.

his happy place

Here we are. This people, is where Gus is happy. It seems that if Gus is put in any other place, he cries. Gus can sleep in this pouch for hours upon end. The minute I put him down he wakes up screaming. Gus sleeps in the carrier through: folding laundry, doing dishes, playtime with Millie and Holden, when Millie and Holden argue ( which seems to be more and more these days) and the rest of what makes our life absolutely crazy. Gus seems to like chaos. HAHA! In my attempts to become more organized... I have become completely overwhelmed with amount of crap we have in our home and it's level of disorganization. I go to friends' houses and leave feeling so blue and overwhelmed because I know that I have to return to the state of affairs I call my home. It seems that the more I try, the worse it gets. I find myself arguing with myself ( and my inner voices) over which pile of crap gets precedence over the other. I feel like I'm spreading myself too thin with the crap piles ( some literally ( thanks to Ruby Jones) ) the laundry piles, the toy piles, mail piles, and the piles and lists of things that need to be done floating around in my head. Add in the two 4 year olds who deserve time with their mom other than following her around cleaning up while she's complaining that other people have clean homes.. why can't she? I know things could be way worse. Once, just once I'd like to come into my house and not sigh, because eventhough I spent the greater part of the day working hard to get things put away/ washed/folded/ organized, it doesn't look like I've done a thing in weeks. How do "those people" do it? How do they keep things so orderly? I know that being a mom is supposed to be challenging... but how come I can't seem to put this stuff on hold for a little while and appreciate how good things really are, instead of laboring over the things I find that are bad?